Tag Archives: self-love

Before You React, Reflect!

Posted by Mar 26, 2019 , , , Leave a Comment

This morning I came across a colleagues name and that reminded me that she had not responded to my last three emails, which were requests for assistance on something that she easily could have said no to.  I felt myself getting angry, and feeling dissed, and then my imagination began thinking up ways to trick her into responding just to prove that my emails were going through and she was purposely not responding.

Instead of doing something hurtful, I did some tapping, some breathing, and then I got the message below from my friend Madisyn Taylor of DailyOm.   This was exactly what I needed to be reminded of, just at the right moment, so thought I  would share it with all of you:

 “We have all had the experience of reacting in a way that was less than ideal upon hearing bad news, or being unfairly criticized, or being told something we did not want to hear. This makes sense because when our emotions are triggered, they tend to take center stage, inhibiting our ability to pause before we speak. We may feel compelled to release the tension by expressing ourselves in some way, whether it’s yelling back at the person yelling at us, or rushing to deliver words of comfort to a friend in trouble. However, there is much to be said for teaching ourselves to remember to pause and take a deep breath before we respond to the shocks and insults that can come our way in life.

For one thing, our initial response is not always what’s best for us, or for the other people involved. Reacting to childish rage with childish rage will only escalate the negativity in a situation, further ensnaring us in an undesirable dynamic. Similarly, when we react defensively, or simply thoughtlessly, we often end up feeling regret over our words or actions. In the end, we save ourselves a lot of pain when we take a deep breath and really tune in to ourselves, and the other person, before we respond. This doesn’t necessarily mean we don’t say anything, although in some cases, that may be the best option.

Some situations require a fairly immediate response, but even just a moment of grounding ourselves before we do so can help enormously. The next time you find yourself wanting to react, try to pause, and in that pause, take a deep breath. Feel your feet on the floor, the air on your skin, and listen for a response to arise within you, rather than just going with the first thing that pops into your head. You may find that in that moment, there is the potential to move beyond reaction and into the more subtle and creative realm of response, where something new can happen.”

If you would like more wisdom from Madisyn Taylor, know that she is a Billboard recording artist and international best-selling author and co-founder and editor-in-chief of the popular inspirational website www.DailyOM.com responsible for all its content. Her newest award-winning book from Simon & Schuster is: Unmedicated The Four Pillars of Natural Wellness which documents her journey through anxiety and depression and how she became whole again.

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

 Arielle

P.S. Meet Me in Chicago or Big Sur, CA– I will be in Chicago at the Infinity Foundation for The Soulmate Secret LIVE workshop Saturday, April 27th  and I will be teaching at the breathtakingly beautiful Esalen weekend of  May 8-10. Details here: https://www.arielleford.com/events/

Declare Yourself A LOVE Philanthropist

Posted by Feb 5, 2019 , , , , Leave a Comment

My dear friend Marci Shimoff taught me the phrase Love Philanthropist, and every time I say it, it makes me smile.

Just as I’ve learned that tithing not only makes me feel good, and does good for others, it also brings me more abundance.

Being a Love Philanthropist brings more love.

There are so many ways to share your love with the world:

Close your eyes and send love and blessings to your nearest and dearest. (including your pets)

Send love notes (do it today!) via email or text or snail mail.

Smile and compliment strangers and beam love from your eyes to theirs.

There is a line in A Course in Miracles that says:

“The only thing that can be lacking in any situation is that which you are not giving.”

To have more love, give more love.

It’s so easy, simple, and doesn’t cost a thing.

Be Love.

Give Love.

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

 Arielle

Is Self Love A Pre- Requisite To Soulmate Love?

Posted by Jan 8, 2019 , , , , Leave a Comment

Self Love is the hot topic in the personal growth movement these days and when it comes to finding soulmate love, there are a lot of myths that until you love yourself first, you won’t be able to get anyone else to love you. Can this really be true?

My experience has been that most women and some men (at least in the Northern hemisphere) live with a negative, critical voice in their heads that is often filled with ugly, shaming thoughts, self-doubt, and brings with it feelings of never being “good enough.”

And, I began to wonder, do you really have to eliminate that persistent voice in order to find true love? Do we really need to be 100% in love with ourselves to experience Big Love?

I don’t think so.

What is required is to learn how to “talk back” to that voice and create strategies to love yourself more and better. This includes a big dose of self-awareness so that when the “voice surfaces” you kick its butt!

For instance, you walk past a mirror and immediately react by thinking “God, you look like a total piece of $#it today.” Immediately stop. Walk back to the mirror, give yourself a big smile and blow yourself a kiss and say something warm and loving to your reflection. This is called self-care and self-soothing. Over time, you can change your habitual negative thinking by in-putting loving and uplifting thoughts and beliefs about yourself. And, please, never forget that just because you have a thought does not make it true!

Now, as for soulmate love, one of the greatest, most awesome things about living your life with your soulmate, is that you begin to heal each other in unimaginable ways. When you spend time with someone who loves all of you – the good, the bad and the ugly, you begin to love yourself even more.

So many are “waiting“ to actively seek their soulmate because they feel stuck in how they feel about themselves. This is a very selfish thing to do.

Why? Because just as you desire to spend your life with your soulmate, they are also seeking you. And, if you are holed up at home, on the couch, watching mindless reality TV, they can’t find you!

Now, while learning to love yourself a little bit, more and more, it’s also important to know that once you do manifest the love of your life, you teach them how to treat you by the way they witness how you treat yourself. I learned this from my husband Brian. Once we got married and began living together, I noticed how he always prioritized his health and well-being. At first, I made up stories about how selfish he was because he wasn’t always flexible about the time he took to mediate and exercise. When I finally asked him about it his response floored me. He explained that by sticking to his personal care schedule, he was able to fill himself up so that the rest of the day he had more love and more energy to give to me and the rest of the world.

Wow. What an insight that was for me. I soon began to follow in his footsteps.

Self-love is important and please know that if your soul is calling for a soulmate, the voice in your head shouldn’t be a barrier to love.

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle

 

3 Beliefs That Men Find Irresistible In a Woman

Posted by Dec 11, 2018 , , , , , Leave a Comment

In this day and age of digital dating and limitless options to meet people, it can feel impossible to stand out from the crowd.

YOU are a unique, amazing individual and when you own this fact and learn how to radiate your best qualities, you are sure to separate yourself from the rest.

Many women don’t realize that it’s not the surface-level things that make a man incredibly attracted to you, but rather the beliefs you possess about life, your attitude about yourself, and the fun, authentic self-confidence that comes from a place of true self-love.

There are three beliefs in particular that men find irresistible and are sure to not only set you apart from other women but will aid you in attracting a genuine, connected relationship.

#1 Belief of an Irresistible Woman – “I am worthy of great love”

A woman who owns her worth and believes she deserves respect and authentic love is incredibly attractive to a man.

When a woman does not believe herself to be “enough” (pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, etc.) she sends out a subconscious signal that lowers a man’s perception of her and deflates his attraction.

Rather, the woman who believes she IS worthy of a great love radiates a vibrancy of high value and self-respect, and this makes a man want to rise to the challenge of being good-enough to win her heart.

Now I know owning your true worth might feel difficult at times, and to help you tune in to and tune-up your self-love, my amazing friend and dating expert, Mat Boggs, has created a Self-Love Activation Kit as a gift from me to you.

Download your free kit here to kick that inner self-critic to the curb and feel a deeper self-love than ever before.

#2 Belief of an Irresistible Woman – “Love can be easy”

This is important! It can hard to remain optimistic when date after date has been a dead-end.

But when you focus your mind on the belief that love can be easy, it puts you in a relaxed, fun, best-self state-of-being — a state where you’re not trying too hard or sabotaging yourself, but rather enjoying moments of connection and letting the love flow into your life with ease.

#3 Belief of an Irresistible Woman – “The best is yet to come”

Finally, the third belief of an irresistible woman is not about where they’ve been or there struggles of the past.

Instead, it’s about where they are going, the knowing that there is more adventure and love out there, and their willingness to seize each moment and day with a zeal for life.

When you believe that there’s more fun to be had, you’re infectious and fun to be around, and a man will find that incredibly attractive.

Now, **WARNING** these three beliefs will not only aid you in living a life filled with love, adventure, and connection…

But might bring your man into your life sooner than you thought!

Because there’s nothing that stands out more than a woman who embraces her unique qualities and limitless potential…

And has a BLAST doing it.

Don’t forget to grab your free copy of the Self-Love Activation Kit so you can align with the vibration of love even more and start living the life you’ve always dreamed of.

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle

Start Each Morning With A Big Dose of LOVE

Posted by Nov 13, 2018 , , , Leave a Comment

Several years ago on a trip to Bali, we were privileged to meet a very old, wizened Shaman who taught us a beautiful morning love process to bless, heal, and nourish my body, mind, and soul.  

This transformative process is a fantastic way to begin each day and I highly recommend it for everyone who desires to have more love in their life!

Here’s how to do it:

When you wake up, before getting out of bed, before checking your phone, or anything else…  lie in bed, with your eyes closed. and put a smile on your face.

As you are smiling, imagine that you are swallowing this smile.

Then see this smile as it gently passes through each part of your body. Place your hands on the part of the body as it is passing through as you feel the gratitude you have for this body part, and say “thank you” for the good health and strength it provides you.

When you have done this completely, from head to toe, place your attention (and your hands) on your heart and tell yourself how much you love and appreciate YOU.

Then imagine the Universe is beaming a giant stream of golden, sparkling love into your heart and filling you up on every level.

Next call up images of the people in your life that you most love, and feel yourself sending them a silent wave of “thanks” for their love and support, and wishing them a beautiful, loving day.

Now you will be ready to begin your new day filled with love for yourself and your loved ones! 

To make things easy for you, I have a free feelingization of this on my website to take you through the entire process….click below and then access

The Morning Love Raising feelingization.

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle

The Pink Lemonade Solution

Posted by Oct 2, 2018 , , , , Leave a Comment

Sh*$ happens.

It comes in many forms: illness, money issues, breakups, loved ones pass on (even worse, sometimes it all happens at once)!

Since we can’t control the ups and downs of life, we can discover empowering ways how to respond and react.

I’ve always loved that old saying, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!”

When I am confronted and challenged with these darker times, I like to make “pink lemonade” – it’s about finding the blessings in the problem and also adding a huge dose of love to it.

Here’s my recipe:

1.  I acknowledge the breath and width of the issue. I don’t try to deny or suppress it, I let myself think about it, feel it and come up with coping strategies. But, I don’t wallow in it.

2.  I find support from a family member or friend. Someone I can “vent” to but who will also help me look for the “gold in the dark.”

3.  Creating a daily gratitude list keeps my attention on all the good in my life in spite of the current circumstances.

4.  I practice “living as if” where my actions reflect my belief that Universe always has my back. (I also call this being psychotically optimistic – a phrase from the beautiful Bela Gandhi.)

5.  SMILE. Science has shown that the mere act of smiling can lift your mood, lower stress, boost your immune system and possibly even prolong your life. My favorite technique is to stand in front of a mirror, smile and blow myself a kiss!

6.  Journal. I like to write and remind myself that I am a survivor and recount the past issues that troubled me, remember that I overcame (or survived) them and, in most cases, something really great came out of the experience.

SO, on your bad days, take those sour lemons, add in honey or stevia, and a big dose of love and let the “pink lemonade” soothe your soul.

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle

Will You Ever Be “Fixed?”

Posted by Jul 19, 2018 , , , , , Leave a Comment

I recently had a conversation with a highly successful man who blew my mind.

We totally bonded over the fact that we are both happy users of the Heartmath technology, and as we talked he confessed something to me.

This tall, dark, and handsome retired NFL player and successful business owner with a beautiful wife and 5 children (living in the most expensive zip code in the country, had tears in his eyes when he showed me his Superbowl ring. He said it was the first time he had worn it in years because most of the time he doesn’t feel worthy enough.

What? This gorgeous hunk, who appears to have it all, has worthiness issues?

He had just completed some deep transformational work and was excited to be moving forward in his life now that he was finally dealing with his core wound issues.

And it was sad to learn how much he suffered internally with his fears and limiting beliefs about himself.

All of this got me thinking about so many of my “super successful friends” who still harbor deep feelings of doubt, insecurity, impostor syndrome and even self-loathing.

I have spent the majority of my life reading self-help books, attending personal growth workshops, been in therapy, tried all kinds of modalities and treatments and sometimes prescription drugs, all in the name of healing some part of my soul and psyche.

The good news is that a lot of this stuff worked.

I did find understanding, relief, transformation, healing and peace.

And the truth is, for me, that some of the things I most wanted to “completely heal” (hint: make them go away forever) are still there.

These “issues” are still lingering under the surface, only coming up once in awhile but still there.

I have finally come to understand that this is totally OK.

Normal even.

Through the years, I have developed my own personal spiritual/emotional toolkit (which includes heart lock-ins and feelingizations) that help me through the day (or the night or the week) and I am no longer crippled by the fear or pain or discomfort that once drove me crazy.

Plus, I have now declared myself “cooked.”

This is it.

This is as good as I’m going to get and it’s GOOD ENOUGH!

But, if you aren’t yet “cooked,” just remember that as you seek and find solutions to your issues, please do it with lots of self-care and compassion and remember to take baby steps and remember that you are already enough! (really, it’s true!)

I am sharing this with you today because if you are using your “issues” as a reason not to go for your dreams, stop it! These issues may always be there, but you only have so many breaths left to take on this planet, so I want to encourage you to go for it now.

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle

Is Self Love A Prerequisite To Soulmate Love?

Posted by Dec 19, 2017 , , , , Leave a Comment

Self-love seems to be the hot topic in the personal growth movement these days and when it comes to finding soulmate love, there are a lot of myths that until you love yourself first, you won’t be able to get anyone else to love you.  Can this really be true?

My experience has been that most women (at least in the Northern hemisphere) live with a negative, critical voice in their heads that is often filled with ugly, shaming thoughts, self-doubt, and brings with it feelings of never being “good enough.”

And, I began to wonder, do you really have to eliminate that persistent voice in order to find true love?

Do we really need to be 100% in love with ourselves to experience Big Love?

I don’t think so.

What is required is to learn how to “talk back” to that voice and create strategies to love yourself more and better.  This includes a big dose of self-awareness so that when the “voice surfaces” you kick its butt!

For instance, you walk past a mirror and immediately react by thinking “God, you look like a total piece of $#it today.” Immediately stop. Walk back to the mirror, give yourself a big smile and blow yourself a kiss and say something warm and loving to your reflection.  This is called self-care and self-soothing.  Over time, you can change your habitual negative thinking by in-putting loving and uplifting thoughts and beliefs about yourself. And, please, never forget that just because you have a thought does not make it true!

Now, as for soulmate love, one of the greatest, most awesome things about living your life with your soulmate, is that you begin to heal each other in unimaginable ways. When you spend time with someone who loves all of you – the good, the bad and the ugly – you begin to love yourself even more.

So many women are “waiting“ to actively seek their soulmate because they feel stuck in how they feel about themselves.  This is a very selfish thing to do.

Why?  Because, just as you desire to spend your life with your soulmate, they are also seeking you.  And if you are holed up at home, on the couch, watching the Kardashians or the Property Brothers, they can’t find you!

Now, while learning to love yourself a little bit more and more, it’s also important to know that once you do manifest the love of your life, you teach them how to treat you by the way they witness how you treat yourself.  I learned this from my husband Brian. Once we got married and began living together, I noticed how he always prioritized his health and well-being.  At first, I made up stories about how selfish he was because he wasn’t always flexible about the time he took to meditate and exercise.  When I finally asked him about it his response floored me.  He explained that by sticking to his personal care schedule, he was able to fill himself up so that the rest of the day he had more love and more energy to give to me and the rest of the world.

Wow.  What an insight that was for me.  I soon began to follow in his footsteps.

Self-love is important and please know that if your soul is calling for a soulmate, the voice in your head shouldn’t be a barrier to love.

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle

You are bad, wrong, and broken

Posted by Apr 11, 2017 , , , , Leave a Comment

Yep.  That’s a message many of us are giving ourselves every day.

We have a negative voice in our head that is constantly judging, criticizing, shaming and blaming and “shoulding” on us.

I stopped fighting with this voice a long time ago.

Now when she speaks, I laugh at her and say: “Yes, you are right.  I am a total mess. A complete f$#k up. and you know, what? I love myself anyway.”

My friend, the late, great Wayne Dyer always said: “Don’t believe every thought that you have.”

He is 100% right.

Just because you have a thought, doesn’t make it so.

The negative voice(s) in your head will probably never totally disappear no matter how high you elevate your self-esteem, no matter how many personal growth workshops you take, or how much therapy you have – our core wounds never truly disappear 100%.

So, I suggest we just learn to have fun with this part of ourselves.

My sister, Debbie, would have told you to give this part of yourself a name – maybe call her “Nasty Nellie ” or “Critical Carl” or “Negative Nancy” and when they show up, laugh in their face, tell them they are wrong and then give yourself a big hug and find a mirror in which to blow yourself a kiss!

And, remember what Al Franken’s character, Stuart Smalley, always said on Saturday Night Live:  “I’m good enough. I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!“

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle

NOW is the Time to Live For Today

Posted by Nov 22, 2016 , , Leave a Comment

I recently came across this beautiful story that is a great reminder of how precious life is.  With the holidays coming up, I thought this was a good time to remember to make every moment a special occasion… for ourselves and our families.

A friend of mine opened his wife’s underwear drawer and picked up a silk paper-wrapped package:

‘This,’ he said, ‘isn’t any ordinary package.’

 He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box.

 ‘She got this the first time we went to New York, 8 or 9 years ago. She has never put it on… was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is it.’

 He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothing he was taking to the funeral home, his wife had just died.

 He turned to me and said:

 celebrate‘Never save something for a special occasion. Every day in your life is a special occasion’.

 I still think those words changed my life.

 Now I read more and clean less.

 I sit on the porch without worrying about anything.

 I spend more time with my family, and less at work.

 I understood that life should be a source of experience to be lived up to, not survived…

 I no longer keep anything.

 I use crystal glasses every day…

 I’ll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket, if I feel like it..

 I don’t save my special perfume for special occasions, I use it whenever I want.

 The words ‘Someday….’ and ‘ One Day…’ are fading away from my vocabulary.

 If it’s worth seeing, listening or doing, I want to see it, listen to it or do it now….

 I don’t know what my friend’s wife would have done if she had known she wouldn’t be there the next morning… this nobody can tell.

 I think she might have called her relatives and closest friends.

 She might have called old friends to make peace over past quarrels.

 I’d like to think she would go out for Chinese, her favorite food.

 It’s these small things that I would regret not doing, if I knew my time had come..

 Each day, each hour, each minute, is special.

 Live for today…  tomorrow is promised to no-one….

I was grateful to learn this lesson many years ago from a friend who suggested that every time I sit down for a meal, even if I was home alone, that I use my best dishes, linen napkins, the good glasses and silverware.  To this day, I still do this, often putting it all together on a beautiful tray and sometimes I add a little vase with a flower!  It’s a way to make a snack or a meal special.

Remember to practice being a “pleasure pig” each and every day (I just got back from a 30-minute foot rub. Yum!). I would suggest that you look for ways to make every day a special occasion for yourself, your friends, and even strangers!

Wishing you a delicious and loving Thanksgiving,

Arielle