MORE of You Are Enough, I Am Enough

Of all the newsletters I’ve ever written, the recent one about “being enough” has gotten the most response.  I was so surprised to learn that this is such a big issue for so many people (including me).

Did you know that this is an actual “phobia”?  It’s called Atelophobia – it’s the fear of imperfection and of not being good enough. There are now drugs to deal with the anxiety caused by this – oy vey!

This craving to be “enough” stems from the stories we make up about ourselves and the messages we get from society.  Early on we learn that if we act a particular way, get  good grades in school, win at sports, or give hugs to crazy Aunt Sophie, we receive praise from those around us.  We get “attention” and we begin to connect “love” with “actions.”

I Am Enough

Many of us have learned to believe that “I am enough when I do ___________.”

And, really, the truth is just our very beingness makes us more than enough.

Now, it’s up to us, as mature adults, to begin to make this a practice when the negative chatter in our head preaches that we need to do more, do better, etc. When I look at my cat, I never think, “If only Yoda would do ______ then I would love him more.” I love Yoda just because he is alive and with us (and it’s possible Yoda doesn’t share this point of view and he might love me more if I spoiled him as much as Brian does…ha ha!).

Writer/blogger Alexandra Hope Flood offers 11 steps to reminding us all that we are ENOUGH:

1. You are a miracle. Never forget this fact. Just the science alone is mind blowing.

2. You are unique. No one will ever be as good at being you as you are. Seriously.

3. You are enough. Always. Never doubt this. There is nothing to add, but feel free to expand.

4. There is always more to learn, but that is not failure, it is a gift. It can be fun too.

5. Every obstacle is an opportunity to fall further into the miracle that is you.

6. Commit to being the best version of you every day. Recalibrate the definition of “best” as needed.

7. Leave room for others when they fall off the wagon of their own miracle.

8. Forgive. Forgive. Forgive. Forgive every which way. Forgive him. Forgive her. Forgive you.

9. Compassion is the key to forgiveness. Compassion means you feel the humanity in others.

10. The more you forgive, the more you’ll enjoy being you, because the lighter your load will be.

11. In the end, as in the beginning: You. Are. Amazing.

One of my favorite lines is from the classic film, The Help (starring Viola Davis, Octavia Spencer & Jessica Chastain).  Everyday, the maid tells the little girl in her care:

“You is kind. You is smart. You is important.”

Remember this!

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

 Arielle

A Love Manifesto

More than 25 years ago, my therapist held a mirror in front of my face and asked me to look into my own eyes and say the words “I Love You.”

I was instantly engulfed in a wave of sadness and despair and whispered, “I can’t do that, it would be a lie.” He was kind and patient and urged me just to try it. Every time I tried to say it, I just cried harder. Eventually, I managed to mouth the words, but still it felt inauthentic….

imagesThat began a long, slow process of learning to love myself. The process of letting go of decades of self-loathing and self-doubt was hard. Painful, and yet totally worth it.

So often people ask me “Do I have to love myself in order to have soulmate love?” It’s a tricky question because nearly everyone I know (with or without a soulmate) has levels of self-doubt and insecurity about their worthiness to have love.

Here’s what I know to be absolutely true: 

We all have people that love us, we all have qualities that are very loveable. Even murderers and rapists have redeeming qualities, and yes, we are happy they are behind bars and no longer pose a threat to society.

Learning to love ourselves requires commitment.

A commitment to be an emotionally mature adult so that when we catch ourselves beating ourselves up, we stop, take notice, say “cancel-cancel” and replace those negative thoughts with a true, positive statement about ourselves.

Most of us are living under levels of stress and chaos that are often overwhelming because we allow ourselves to exist with out proper levels of self-care and self-love. I believe the first step to self-care is leaning how to “self-soothe.”

Another important piece of this is to finally stop “shoulding” on your self. You know what I mean, “I should do this and I should do that.” “Shoulding” on your self just creates more dread and stress on an already busy life.

One suggestion I have for you is this:

Create your own emotional tool kit of things you can do to regain your sanity when things go haywire. Figure out what are your best “time-outs” that will get you from crazy to neutral to happy again. My kit contains EFT Tapping, the Sedona Method, doing heart lock-in’s, long aromatherapy baths, walks in nature, and foot rubs. I do some or all of these things nearly every day.

Here’s what I know for sure: You are loved. You are loveable. You are deserving of Big Love, every day. And it all begins with you.

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle

P.S.If you are a single, successful woman seeking a conscious man (or if you have friends that are), then I have a special Spring gift for you – my annual Art of Love Series is coming up. This free, online series is bringing together the world’s top love, dating & mating experts who share EVERYTHING about how and where to find all the great, conscious guys out there who are also looking for you! Sign up for free right now at THE ART OF LOVE!