Don’t Blame the Victim!

A big part of having success with the Law of Attraction is understanding that “thoughts are things” and that our feelings, thoughts, beliefs help to co-create our reality. Other factors that also influence our lives include karma, divine timing, destiny, free will and that omnipresent reality of “shit happens.”

When something really bad happens to someone – let’s say a serious diagnosis, losing a job, a big car crash, and then a supposedly well-meaning “spiritual friend” asks them, “ what thoughts were you having that would cause this?”

Well, this scenario just makes me crazy.

We would never ask an abused toddler, “hey kid, what thoughts did you have that created these beatings?”

So, unless someone is sitting around thinking, “wow, wouldn’t it be cool if I manage to get stage 4 colon cancer so I can scare myself and my family and go on a multi-year journey to fight the cancer and maybe live?”

It’s highly unlikely any of us have consciously had that thought or any thought to choose a bad event. So, while it is true that we cause things with our thoughts, fears and beliefs, it is also true that there are other factors that are at work here.

We all benefit from being more aware and more mindful of our thoughts and as much as possible trying to keep our thoughts positive, but it’s also not useful to “blame the victim,” and kick them when they’re down, by suggesting they caused the problem.

We are not privy to their soul’s purpose and path. We don’t know what trials and tribulations they agreed to before incarnating in this lifetime, so let’s do what we signed up for: to be their friend, cheerleader, support system, safe place to land. Let’s hug them with our arms and provide emotional safety for them.

I often tell my closest friends that I am always there for them when they need a place to rant and rave and vent.

I can create a safe place for their expression and then bring them back into a loving frequency. (and they do the same for me)

Here’s to a kinder, gentler world of loving support for all.

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle

How to Make Great Decisions

If you struggle with making decisions, large or small, whether it’s what to eat for dinner or which new car to buy, or is it time to change jobs, you are not alone. Decision making can be tough! Today’s gest blog from expert Sarah Ramsey offers helpful advice on how to do it.

As a child I thought grownups had a map of how to make great decisions. If I followed the map and followed the rules I would have the white fence, the 2.5 kids, a golden retriever named Lucy, and a husband who adored me. Instead, I got two great kids, a messy divorce, and a bunny named Snuggles who pooped all over my house. Life did not turn out the way I wanted and apparently there is no secret map for grown-ups that helps you know the next right decision.

As a people pleaser I made decisions based on how to avoid making people upset. This was a terrible strategy and did NOT get me the life of my dreams. Success leaves clues and great decision makers know the three secrets of successful decision making.

1. Indecision is a decision: If you are one of those “I will decide tomorrow” type of people, then it’s crucial to get honest with yourself and acknowledge that your decision-making process is not to decide. If choosing not to decide has landed you the perfect guy, the perfect job and the perfect confidence, then keep choosing indecision. If indecision has not gotten you the life you want, then the obvious solution is to try something else.

2. Problem solving partners: If I want to play cello, then my first step is probably going to be to try to learn the cello on my own through watching YouTube videos. If I still can’t play the cello within 6 months, then it’s only logical to hire a teacher. If trying it on my own doesn’t work, then the logical solution is to get help. Self-confidence comes from telling yourself the truth! The truth is if I put time and thought into playing the cello, but never actually learn to play, then I’m not doing it on my own. If I could figure things out on my own, then I already would have. If trying to solve the problem on your own isn’t working, then it’s time to try something else.

3. Become a process princess: You probably have a process for making coffee and paying your bills. If you don’t have a process for making decisions, then you are going to be stuck in overthinking. Thinking and talking about your problems is not the same as solving your problems. Moving isn’t the same as moving forward. Successful people think about how they make decisions and ensure they are not doing the same things over and over again while expecting to get different results!

When you get clear about how to make a great decision, then the decision doesn’t feel so scary.

You live with less fear and the confidence to build the life and relationships you want!

If you haven’t had formal training in how to make a decision and want to move forward faster, then check out Problem Solved: Simple Habits For Complex Decisions by Sarah K. Ramsey on Amazon, Audible and Barnes and Noble.

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle

Meghan, Harry, Will and Kate

With the recent passing of Queen Elizabeth, I found myself thinking a lot about the rift in the royal family.

We don’t always get along with our siblings and in-laws but fortunately for most of us, our family drama isn’t played out on the world stage. The Royals couldn’t be on a bigger stage and it’s not going away, so time to rewrite the script.

I think it’s safe to assume that they are all guilty of something (or many things) and they could all make a case for why they should be angry and hold a grudge against each other.

But I’m pretty sure not one of them ever woke up in the morning thinking “what could I do to create chaos and havoc in our family.”

So, in spite of the hurt feelings and wrongdoings, how do they get to forgiveness?

At its essence, forgiveness is the willingness to let go of the hurt and give up suffering.

It’s a decision to no longer find value in anger or blame and it’s a letting go of the desire to judge another or our self because of something that happened in the past.

It’s a choice to feel love rather than to judge or condemn and, it’s often not easy…. and it doesn’t mean that we forget… but we do let go.

Forgiveness is something we do for our self so we no longer have to carry negativity.

It releases us from the past and allows us to heal and let go and be more at peace in the present moment.

When I am stuck in “I’ve been done wrong,” one of the practices that works well for me is to sit down and write a letter to the one I need to forgive. This is not a letter than will ever be sent, but a chance to write down and FULLY express how hurt and wronged I feel…. to write down what happened from my perspective.

Once I’ve written it all down… I add to the end of the letter, I forgive, you, I bless you and I set you free.”

Then, I write a second letter from them to me. Using my imagination, I channel them and have them tell ME the story of what happened from their perspective… which usually results in finding out that they never really meant to cause harm…. and then, I end that letter with I forgive, you, I bless you and I set you free.”

When it comes to love, I know that being able and willing to learn to forgive is essential to all healthy relationships. (And sometimes, it’s necessary to forgive and to also eliminate certain people from your life if they are toxic or detrimental to your core happiness.)

With the loss of their beloved matriarch, Queen Elizabeth, the Royals need each other more than ever.

Meghan and Harry’s kids deserve to have the love of their Grandparents (King Charles II and Queen Consort Camilla), their Aunt and Uncle, Princess Kate and Prince William, and their first cousins. I would urge all of them to dig deep and forgive the past and move on.

Wouldn’t it be great if they could all go to family therapy together, hash it out, and then kiss and make up?

Now, that would be a reality show I would want to watch.

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle

The Big Benefits of Doing NOTHING!

Did you know that the secret to more creativity, innovation, good health and happiness depends upon your ability to do nothing?

Wow. This is great news.

Neuroscientists have recently proven that not only does “busyness” exhaust our nervous system (which I think we all know), it actually kills our ability to be productive and creative.

It turns out that unstructured time for daydreaming allows our brain to rest, meander, and reboot in a way that creates the space for solutions and new ideas to emerge! It’s what the scientists call “incubation” and leads to innovation.

In research from The Energy Project, it was revealed that a certain amount of inactivity is essential to creativity and that employees who take time out during the day have a 50 percent greater capacity to think creatively.

These same workers see a 46 per cent higher level of health and wellbeing.

Businesses benefit from allowing workers to chill out.

And it turns out that idleness is also great for your health resulting in a reduced heart rate, good digestion and better moods.

So, what are effective ways to chill out?

Watching TV isn’t it.

Nor is listening to music while you walk.

Why? All of these require your mind to be active.

The key to chilling out is to be aware of your intention going into empty time.

You need to choose to allow your mind and body to rest.

You need to be silent and just BE.

For most of us, doing nothing takes practice.

Next time you are doing the dishes or standing in line, allow your mind just to drift. Take five minutes a day to stare out the window.

Or lie in the grass and stare up into the clouds.

Simply allow your body to relax and allow your thoughts and feelings to unfold and watch what happens.

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle

My favorite books of the summer

One of the things I most love about reading fiction is that for me it’s like taking a vacation without having to buy a ticket, pack a bag, or stand in a TSA line. I simply stretch out on my back deck couch, open my book, and dive into another world.

My current obsession is The Henna Artist by Alka Joshi.

This book is a beautifully crafted, captivating story about Lakshmi who was married off to a violent man when she was fifteen.

Two years later, with little education and no money, she escapes to Jaipur, India, capital of Rajasthan also known as the “Pink City,” a beautiful place filled with forts, palaces, and purveyors of rare gemstones.

Set in the mid-1950’s, Lakshmi becomes the favorite henna artist, herbalist, and confidant to her wealthy women clients as she pursues her goal of ultimate independence: owning her own home.

While on the verge of meeting the Maharani of Jaipur and perhaps elevating her position in business and society, a younger sister, Radha, whom she never knew about appears. Radha unfortunately is nicknamed “the bad luck girl” and has arrived in her one and only tattered outfit.

Her lack of social skills become a big heap of baggage for Lakshmi to manage.

Lakshmi feels responsible and wants to nurture her little sister and thus tries to train her to obey the expectations of society, where one misstep could put Lakshmi out of business.

The Henna Artist welcomes us into a colorful, bygone world where caste still rules, secrets cling to brocade laden walls, and wit, wisdom, cunning, and patience provide Lakshmi with lessons about love, devotion, and purpose.

I don’t know if the author actually knows how to apply henna, but I can tell you she is a true literary artist who uses words to paint magical pages that must be turned continuously.

Warning: Don’t start reading late at night unless you are prepared to give up sleep.

Buy the book here!

Of course, we couldn’t luxuriate in the pleasure of reading without writers which is why I am crazy in love with my dear friend Linda Sivertsen’s new book, Beautiful Writers: A Journey of Big Dreams & Messy Manuscripts with Tricks of the Trade from Bestselling Authors.

This book gives aspiring writers and seasoned literary veterans a look into the lives of iconic authors and answers the burning question “How did they do it?!”

Wrapped around wonderfully relatable stories of the highs and lows of her own career writing bestselling, award-winning books for herself and others, these tales from the trenches are packed with laugh-out-loud humor, and raw honesty.

Linda’s wide circle of famous author friends share their personal highs and lows including Terry McMillian, Cheryl Strayed, Elizabeth Gilbert, Anne Lamott, Seth Godin and so many more. If you are a writer or hope to become a writer, this book is a must read.

Buy the book here!

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle

Manifesting Through Surrender

What do you think of when you hear the word surrender?

Do you think it means giving up? Or being passive?

What if in surrendering, you got more instead of less?

What if surrender is strong and courageous?

What if the real power of manifesting has a big element of surrender to it?

These are the topics I discussed with my dear friend, Kute Blackson recently.

Kute, if you don’t already know him, is one of the most unique transformational leaders and visionaries for the younger generation.

His mission is to help people reach liberation and freedom, to assist them to get what they want, and to live their inspired destiny, all from a place of love.

We spent an hour engaged in one of the deepest and richest interviews I’ve done in years.

Our conversation ranged from how surrender can help you live out your deepest destiny to finding love and keeping love, to busting the myths and misconceptions about what real, adult, mature love really is.

You can watch the full hour here for FREE!

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle

P.S. If you want to see more interviews with Kute on surrender please visit www.thesurrendersummit.com.

Where to Meet a Conscious Partner OFFLINE!

Ok my beautiful singles…. in addition to holding your nose and doing the online dating thing (I know you don’t like it, but it often works), here are some true stories of women who met their match IRL:

Every morning Jessica (a commercial airline pilot) rode her Harley to her favorite outdoor café for coffee. Eventually she shared a table and became friendly with a married man who was on her same schedule. One day the man brought his mother to coffee. Mom instantly warmed up to Jessica and berated her son for not fixing Jessica up with his twin brother. Mom was right. Voila, it was a love match and Jessica is now married with great in-laws.

Mia loves everything about energetic healing and signed up for a zoom online Course with one of her favorite teachers. There were more than 60 students on the weekly calls. The students were sometimes put in small breakout groups. Mia began to take notice of Lisa, whose energy she found very appealing. Not knowing if Lisa was gay or straight, Mia boldly sent Lisa a private message in the chat box complimenting her on her great energy and warm smile. That led to more chats. Then video dates. Today they are happily married. (and the energy teacher was their wedding officiant!)

Laurie Sue and Victor, both successful professionals, met and fell in love at “night school.”

In their late forties, divorced, each with one child, they both felt a calling to enroll and study to become part-time interfaith ministers.

Their love of the divine led them to a divine soulmate marriage and a beautiful, blended family.

Volunteer! Find a cause you really believe in and participate and meet other singles who share your passion. When there are fundraisers and events, be sure to volunteer to work the “Sign in” desk, it’s the best way to see and meet everyone!

(My friend, love expert Mat Boggs, met his wife building a house for Habitat for Humanity.)

Linda was studying the melons at Whole Foods when she noticed Greg who seemed to be struggling trying to figure out how to choose a melon. With a big smile and some flirty helpful tips, a coffee date let to a walk down the aisle.

Kevin struggled to find his one true love. He felt as ready as can be.

He even had the honeymoon planned out…. they would go to the San Juan Islands in Washington and kayak to see the whales.

He was always talking about his dream honeymoon.

Finally, I suggested that he take this trip now, and then he could do it again on his honeymoon. (I just had this feeling he needed to go NOW). Fortunately, he listened to me and went.

While kayaking, and gawking over the whales, he met Susie who was in the kayak next to his.

They fell in love, married, and now take their kids kayaking with the whales each year on their anniversary.

Divorced and pushing 60, Carrie had always wanted to take ballroom dancing lessons.

Even though she was concerned that she was too old to do this, she began a weekly class.

Over the course of a year, she got to know and dance with Colin.

Sparks flew and soon they waltzed into each other’s hearts and danced at their wedding three years ago.

There is no shortage of love in the world and no lack of great, conscious beings seeking a healthy, loving, committed partnership.

Open your heart, your mind and your calendar and get out there!

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle

P.S. MANIFEST YOUR SOULMATE – If you haven’t met your soulmate yet, it may be that old thoughts, beliefs, or patterns are sabotaging your efforts.

You may have an unconscious love script that prevents you from being open, willing, and available to love.

You may have a belief that if love is meant to be, it will just magically happen.

Or perhaps you claim to be too busy, or once you lose weight then you’ll be ready, or you live in the wrong city, or you truly don’t trust and know that you are loveable and that you are enough right now!

Whatever limiting beliefs are holding you back, I am excited to share with you that my dear friend, Dr. Claire Zammit, & I have discovered and developed a break-through approach that works. It’s a unique 12-week online Course known as The Love Codes created for conscious, smart women to attract an extraordinary partner and create happy, fulfilling and lasting love.

ON SALE NOW: Take $100 off when you pay in full with the code: SUMMERLOVE

Discover more here!

The Ripple Effect of LOVE

Seeking more love in your life?

A fast, easy way to make it happen is to put your attention on all the love that is already around you (family, friends, pets, etc.) and then actively engage in making love happen and spread by creating a “ripple effect.”

Everything we do and think affects the people in our lives and the choices we make have far-reaching consequences. Like an incredibly interwoven and complicated tapestry, the Ripple Effect, creates connections that we are all a part of. Thoughts and actions are like stones dropped in a pond and they create ripples that travel outward.

Each of us carries within us the capacity to change the world in small ways for better or worse. One inspiring example of the ripple effect was appeared in The New England Journal of Medicine: it recently published a study that showed how a single altruistic kidney donation set off a domino effect, resulting in 10 successive transplants!

10 Ways to share the LOVE:

  • When it’s hot outside, offer lemonade or iced tea to your mail carrier, garbage collectors, police officers and others.
  • Rescue a wallflower! Strike up a conversation with someone who’s standing alone at a party.
  • Send the amazing people in your life an e-card telling them why they’re awesome and how much they mean to you.
  • I once read about a family out to dinner with a special needs child. The child was acting up and the waitress brought over a note that said “God only gives special children to special people” from a mystery guest who paid for the family’s meal.
  • If you are artistic, paint small rocks with words like “Believe” or “Have Faith” or Love Will Find You” and leave in random places.
  • Pay for someone else’s coffee, or their meal when you are in the drive through lane or pay the toll for the car behind you or put coins in the street meters for someone else’s car.
  • Buy gift cards to Subway or McDonalds and hand out to homeless people or pack up meals, socks, and goody bags to hand out to those living on the street.
  • Help someone get recognition for their new business, book or fundraising project by spreading the word for them via your social networks or help an elderly neighbor with chores like yard work raking leaves.

According to a study by Dacher Keltner, PhD, co-director of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkley, “being generous is a health booster and has shown to reduce the negative effects of stress and it also slows the heart rate, boosts immune function, and decreases the inflammatory response.”

Finally, another great reason for sharing your love, generosity and kindness is that it’s an oxytocin booster: this is the brain hormone known as the “super glue of love” which is a critical component to experiencing pleasure!

This summer please consider consciously choosing to add more love to the world. And start your own ripple!

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle

Flirting 101 – Come On, Have Some Fun!

Flirting is a time-honored way of signaling interest and attraction in another person. It’s an essential aspect of human interaction and can be an open portal for intimate relationships between two people.

While most people think of flirting as an overt sexual act, it doesn’t have to be.

It can be a simple, playful, and fun way to connect with those around you, men, women, children, it doesn’t matter – just put a smile on your face and make a friendly connection.

It’s easy!

When you are out in public – in the grocery check-out line, getting a coffee, at the bank, a party, an event, wherever, practicing flirting. The idea is to become aware of the people around you and connect with them.

I know one woman who met her husband in the TSA security line at an airport when she complimented him his watch.

Another woman was having coffee at a kiosk and started chatting with the married man next to her. She eventually married his twin brother.

One man asked a woman in a department store for her opinion of a gift he was buying for his Mom and voila, magic happened.” Try this:

Set an intention to make three people smile. Take a deep breath and open your heart then:

  • Make strong eye contact, and ideally look into their left eye, because that’s connected to the attractiveness part of their brain.
  • Have a nice smile on your face.
  • Have open, friendly, approachable body language
  • Touching someone lightly is a form of flirting.
  • Making conversation and laughing at their jokes.
  • Give them a compliment or ask them a question (even if you know the answer).

“That blue shirt really accentuates your beautiful eyes.”

“Those red sneakers are awesome, where did you get them?”

*With a child, tell them a dumb joke such as “How does a camel hide in the desert?” Camouflage!

*Or if it’s an adult, my favorite joke is “Did you hear about the zoo that only had one dog? It was a Shitzu!”

All of these are forms of flirting. Dating expert Greg Behrendt suggests if you’re at a restaurant and you see someone cute that you are interested in, walk over to them, ask to borrow the ketchup, and after they hand it to you, ask to borrow a French fry!”

While flirting doesn’t come naturally to some people, practicing on lots of people, of all ages, is the fastest way to build some memory muscle. The idea is to be present and playful.

Flirting is a way to be a “Daymaker,” a term coined and spread by my dear friend David Wagner – it means to be a person who performs intentional acts of kindness with the intention of making the world a better place. Doing small things with great love.

I believe flirting defiantly is a form of this so go out there, be bold, be brave, and spread some fairy dust on the world!

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle

Traits of Successful Women Who Manifested Their Conscious Partner

You’ve heard the cliché, “success leaves a trail of breadcrumbs,” and having met and interviewed tons of smart, super-successful women who went from alone and dateless to happily married to their conscious soulmate, I have compiled a list (in no particular order) of the qualities they brought forward in themselves to make it happen.

~ They made “finding the One” their biggest priority and made a big commitment to it.

~ They took personal responsibility for their own happiness.

~ They gave up the “story” that they are “too busy” to date and made the necessary time.

~ They soul-searched to discover the traits and qualities they most desired and needed in a soulmate and let go of unrealistic or unnecessary requirements (Brad Pitt looks with a Trump-sized bank account)

~ They learned to understand how and why to shift into their feminine energy when spending time with a conscious, masculine man (as well as how to dance in both their feminine and masculine energies in the world)

~ They prioritized self-care, self-love, and pleasure into their daily routine.

~ They invested time into clearing their limiting beliefs about themselves, men, dating, marriage and online dating.

~ They consciously enlisted the support of friends and ancestors (on the other side) for their “love team.”

~ They created ways to “self-soothe” for the times when they were disappointed, frustrated or ready to give up.

~ They were brave and courageous, were willing to “feel the fear and do it anyway” when it comes to dating.

~ They understood that 98% of the time they would “not know” if he was even a strong potential candidate on the first date and would give “good guys” 3 -5 dates to learn more about them. (Most women don’t feel strong chemistry till date #5!)

~ They made a strong commitment to not waste time with men who quickly raised “red flags.” They did not “smoke the hopium pipe” thinking they could invest in his “potential” be the one to convince a never married 50 year old to make a commitment he has no track record (or likely capacity) of making in the past.

~ They are open-minded, open-hearted, curious and understand that they are not perfect, nor will their beloved be perfect, but they are willing to learn how to perfectly love an imperfect human being.

~ They understand that there will be many disappointing dates, but they do not give up, knowing and trusting that their soulmate is also looking for them.

~ They are willing to get comfortable with the paradox of manifestation—that we must be in strong intention and action while simultaneously being surrendered and detached from outcome.

For some women manifesting a soulmate only took a few months, for others it took three years, all of them said it was worth the effort and they are now happily connected to the conscious partner of their dreams.

Discover how to successfully date online with my FREE Online Dating Guide!

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle