Clutter. It blocks the flow of energy and gets in the way of manifesting our deepest desires.
We know how to unclutter the physical items in our lives and now, thanks to my friend Peggy Fitzsimmons, she is sharing with us today her views on letting go of relationship clutter. Enjoy!
“Our souls are inherently free and our true nature is love. And we also have ego minds that orient us towards self-preservation, lack, and scarcity. When the ego is in the driver’s seat, we relate from fear and separation. If conflict, competing, or power struggles are the norm in your relationships, your ego likely has a tight grip on the wheel. When you fail to treat yourself or someone else as a human being, your ego is present in that moment of relationship. In contrast, when the soul is in the driver’s seat, we relate from safety and connection. If your relationships are characterized by harmony, collaboration, and compassion, your soul is at the wheel. When you treat yourself or someone else with kindness, acceptance, and neutrality, your soul is present for that relationship moment.
The ego drives us to accumulate relationship clutter. Here are some examples:
- I often feel less than, unworthy, or not good enough.
- I think I know what’s best for other people.
- I say yes to things that are not good or right for me.
Know Who You Are
Knowing our soul makes us less susceptible to the “fake news” of the ego, which relentlessly tries to convince us that we are not enough, others are not enough, and there is not enough. When we relate to ourselves as souls in human bodies, we recognize that just by being here on this planet, we are necessary and inherently worthy. We know we belong, and our unique light is needed to illuminate the world. We remember we are all spiritual beings, all connected and, at our core, the same.
Try this simple practice. When you wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and greet yourself as the wise, eternal, connected, loving being you really are. Imagine yourself expanding beyond your fear, your shame, your striving, your petty conflicts, and the feeling that something is missing. Stand tall and affirm “I am here for one purpose– to share my love with the world in my unique ways.” Watch how life changes when you regularly re-mind yourself about the truth of who you are, and the truth of who everyone else is too.
Build Your Self-Love Muscles
If you observe closely, you might notice that many of your everyday thoughts, feelings and actions don’t reflect a heart that loves itself. For example, do you criticize yourself harshly or disregard your own needs? Do you look for others to give you what you want, and end up disappointed when they don’t? Self-love is not a big, lofty thing. It happens in a moment.
To love yourself better, focus on what you can give to yourself. Take a rest when you feel tired. Eat some carrots instead of carrot cake. Say what you want to say instead of what you think someone else wants to hear. Put your dirty clothes in the hamper rather than on the floor. Do something for yourself before you tend to someone else. These radical acts of self-love build your self-love muscles, getting you in shape to love others more freely.
Hold the Space
Do you judge how others live their lives? Do you try to solve problems that aren’t yours to solve? When we interfere in someone else’s life, our ego is at the wheel, masquerading as our soul self. Interfering sends a message to the other person that we don’t trust them, or life itself.
Get curious about how you presume to know what’s best for someone else. Pay attention to where you give unsolicited advice or offer help that may not actually be helpful. Commit to be with others with your presence, not your solutions. Speak to them in your soul voice, rather than one that mirrors their ego mind; chastising, criticizing, fearing, doubting. Trust them to make their own decisions. And trust life enough to know that any choice they make will ultimately contribute to their soul’s growth.
Look for Love in All the Right Places
Are you chronically looking for love in all the wrong places? Do you put the burden on others to make you feel loved? Do you compromise yourself to get love? Do you mistakenly believe you can lose love? Do you fail to realize that when you’re lonely you are actually missing your (soul) self, not another person?
Love is your natural state. It originates in you, belongs to you, and exists wholly within you. It’s an inside job. Your responsibility is to come into presence and the truth of your soul, where your love can always be found. When were sourced from the inside in this way, rather than wanting or needing from others, we’re in position to share our love rather than our clutter in our relationships.
Remember, the ego is part of our human experience, but not all of who we are. When we are willing to stand in our soul nature, we are on the road to freedom.”
Peggy Fitzsimmons is a Ph.D. who has helped many people get their houses in order through intensive decluttering. She was a consulting producer on Oprah Winfrey’s Super Soul Sunday.
In her new book Release: Create a Clutter Free and Soul Driven Life, she shares spiritual and practical insights with readers who want to free themselves from clutter and live in alignment with their true soul nature.
Visit peggyfitzsimmons.com and pick up her powerful, transformative book today!
Get your copy here!
Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,