Mrs. Lee’s Must Read Love Story

The cool, quiet room was overflowing with the grieving faces of friends and family as the funeral director invited Mrs. Lee up to the podium to speak. The petite, elegant widow walked slowly to the front of the small chapel and calmly began her eulogy.

“I am not going to sing praises for my late husband. Not today. Neither am I going to talk about how good he was.” Mrs. Lee’s eyes flashed.

“Enough people have done that here.” She took a deep breath, allowing the air to fill her lungs before she continued. “Instead, I want to talk about some things that will make some of you feel a bit uncomfortable.”

Several people stopped fanning themselves and sat up a little straighter. “First off, I want to talk about what happened in bed.” She paused dramatically, shifting her weight from side to side. A crow cawed outside the chapel window. She watched it perch itself on a nearby tree.

“Have you ever had difficulty starting your car engine in the morning?” She carefully studied the faces about the room. With a loud, grinding sound, she snorted and rumbled, violently shaking her tiny frame.

“Well, that’s exactly what David’s snoring sounded like.” A cough rose up from the center of the audience. “But wait,” she continued. “Snoring wasn’t the only thing.” A few pairs of feet shuffled nervously under the chairs.

“There was also this rear end wind action as well. Some nights it was so forceful it would wake him up.” A child giggled into her hand while her red-faced mother stifled a grin.

“ ‘What was that’?” he would ask.

“ ‘Oh, it’s the dog’,” I would say. Patting his back and smoothing the covers, I would urge him to go back to sleep.” She touched her hair as if remembering the way her hands felt as they placed themselves on her husband’s gasping body. “Oh, you might find this very funny,” Mrs. Lee offered the whisper of a smile. Her hands clutched the funeral program as she licked her dry lips. “But when his illness was at its worst, these sounds provided comfort and proof that my David was still alive.”

Silence washed over the room. Even the birds outside seemed to be listening.

Mrs. Lee looked heavenward as her voice began to crack. “What I wouldn’t give just to hear those sounds one more time before I sleep.” A single tear wandered down her face, landing noiselessly on her lapel.

“In the end, it’s these small things that you remember, the little imperfections that make them perfect for you.

So, to my beautiful children,” Mrs. Lee swept one hand towards the front row, “I hope that one day you too will find yourselves life partners that are as beautifully imperfect as your father was to me.”

Mrs. Lee’s eloquent tribute to her husband left the entire audience in tears. With just a few heartfelt words she summed up the mystery and magic of a lifelong marriage built on the foundation of love, imperfection and acceptance that knows no bounds.

Wabi Sabi Love is grounded in acceptance. It’s the practice of accepting the flaws, imperfections, limitations – as well as the gifts and the blessings – that formed your shared history as a couple. Acceptance and its counterpart, understanding, are crucial to achieving relationship harmony.

While this sacred love may be imperfect, it is an ever-lasting and satisfying love. What if we discovered that romantic love was never meant to be perfect, but to guide us to this highest form of love? What if, in fact, soulmate love exists to propel us into an understanding of Wabi Sabi Love, such as Mrs. Lee experienced?

Can you imagine what the world would look like, feel like, be like if the foundational premise of romantic love and deep intimacy was based on the art of loving one’s imperfections rather than the illusionary fantasy that your relationship is fabulous only when both people are acting perfectly and behaving in ways that are acceptable to the other? Imagine a world in which imperfection is the accepted norm and it is actually cherished.

What if the new evolution of partnership operated on principles that give rise to authentic, meaningful, fulfilling and fun relationships?

Anyone who has found this highest level of Wabi Sabi Love knows that it comes in one form and one form only: through exploring, embracing and actually falling in love with the cracks in each other and ourselves.

Wishing you real Wabi Sabi Love,

Arielle

LOVE; It’s in our DNA!

Lets talk about Love. It’s right up there with air, food and water as one of the most vital ingredients for existence. Love nourishes our souls and arouses our deepest desires. And yet, for many people, it’s the hardest thing to find. AND, even harder still is sustaining that love once you’ve found it.

Have you ever wondered why we humans seek a soulmate, a life partner, a beloved? What is it about us that craves this deep connection to another? Are we genetically made up to be mated?

One fascinating and possible answer comes from Aristophanes, the acclaimed comic playwright and philosopher of ancient Athens. He offers a wild tale that he shared at Plato’s Symposium about how the deep desire for Oneness came about.

Long, long ago in primal times people had doubled bodies, four arms, four legs, two heads and they were big and round…. These roly-poly creatures wheeled around earth like clowns doing cartwheels & were very powerful.

Three sexes: the all male, the all female, and the “androgynous,” who were half male, half female.

The males were said to have descended from the sun, the females from the earth and the androgynous couples from the moon.

The creatures tried to scale the heights of heaven and planned to set upon the gods. Zeus thought about blasting them to death with thunderbolts, but did not want to deprive himself of their devotions and offerings, so he decided to cripple them instead by chopping them in half with his sword, thus, in effect separating the two bodies. The severed halves were then scattered in opposite directions…

Aristophanes claimed that when two people who were torn apart from each other find each other, they never again want to be separated again from their soulmate……

When a half finally does meets its other half, they become deliriously happy and overjoyed with the promise of new love and delight. They believe, at least for awhile, that they are complete now that they are reunited with their other half, thus obtaining “wholeness.”

I just love this story, it makes so much sense to me, desiring love is deep in our being, in our DNA. If you are ready to finally manifest the love of your life, take a few moments to check out my amazing online program, The Love Codes. It has a fantastic successes rate.

Wishing you hope, healing, and a return to love,

Arielle

Living with a Broken Heart

Nearly everyone I know right now is grieving someone or something.

The number of critical illness diagnoses, family and friends dying from cancer, love lost, and so much more seems to be at epic proportions.

The other day I found this beautiful post on my Facebook feed and felt compelled to share it all of you who may be in state of grief. I hope you find some solace in this.

Living with a Broken Heart by Gary Sturgis – “Surviving Grief”

Remember what the Tin Man said in the “Wizard of Oz” after he finally got a heart….

“Now I know I’ve got a heart because it’s breaking.”

If someone you love died, your heart is probably broken. So how do you live with a broken heart?

The answer isn’t how you fix it or move beyond it. The skill is learning to live with your grief as an ongoing way of being in the world. It’s the way you honor that which you love.

What I’m proposing is that, with enough healing, living with heartbreak can become natural, and very normal.

From my personal and professional experience, I can tell you that as you embark on your healing journey, you’ll start crying a whole lot more. Not just to clear pain, but for the simplest of everyday reasons, and out of nowhere. You’ll cry when you see a bird, a can of paint, an apple, or even the shape of a cloud.

Random things will make you cry.

The heart is designed to grieve, it wants to grieve….. it has to grieve!

Especially when it’s broken.

This is the price you pay for love. The loss of the life you thought you had, the life you once knew and held so dear. Loss of a dream you believed was true.

But you can also find and feel grief in opening your heart.

Opening it to love and to new possibilities. Opening it to what the future holds.

Isn’t that what life is all about? Endings and beginnings, closings and openings? The heart was designed to navigate you through this forever winding adventure called life. But you have to be willing to feel….. and to live with a broken heart.

Here’s the thing….. you can learn to live with your broken heart by befriending your grief.

You can discover the love that still exists around you….. and share that love with others who are also living with a broken heart.

Wishing you hope, healing, and a return to love,

Arielle

Beach Closed: No Lifeguard on Duty

Several years ago we were vacationing on the insanely beautiful island of Capri in Italy.

One afternoon we went for a walk, searching for a beach, to take a swim in the refreshing, sparkling Mediterranean sea.

We eventually found one and hiked down to a sweet little cove with a sandy beach jammed packed with men, women and children, in all shapes and sizes.

As we waded into the water, I noticed a small canoe-like boat that was painted red and on the side were the words, in big block letters, Salvatore.

My first thought was, “I wonder who Salvatore is and why does he need his name so boldly on the boat?”

And, even though I don’t speak Italian, I soon figured out that Salvatore wasn’t some man’s name but rather it means “Savior,” and that this was a boat used by lifeguards.

As all of us continue to navigate through these scary and difficult times of the COVID-19 virus, it’s becoming clear that there aren’t enough lifeguards right now, and it’s really up to us to figure out how to rescue ourselves and our loved ones.

We must use the full force of our emotional maturity to manage our fear, anxiety, and negative thoughts, so that we can stay strong and courageous in this time of massive uncertainty. It is uncertainty which triggers our darkest thoughts. We are living through a time when we are constantly bombarded with disastrous news of the global pandemic and economic crash as our minds run wild asking ourselves “what if” questions.

So, how does one balance the “reality” of what is happening with the ability to stay grounded, centered and at peace with what is?

One way is to begin to create a spiritual tool kit filled with simple and easy remedies for the times your monkey mind spins out of control. The first step is to be aware of what is going on in your head and to consciously choose to shift your thinking.

Be willing to say out loud what is going on with you. For instance, it might be, “I am crazy scared that someone I love is going to die from the virus.” Just naming the problem often helps alleviate some of the energy of it.

Now create an affirmation for yourself, perhaps close your eyes and say “I am sending love, healing and blessings to myself, my family and my friends knowing and trusting that all is well.”

We can’t eliminate all negative thoughts, but we can begin to manage how we respond to them.

Begin to find ways to feel and experience love, gratitude and appreciation in your life.

In one HeartMath® research study published in the Journal of Advancement in Medicine it was observed that just five minutes of genuinely feeling a positive emotion such as appreciation can provide a beneficial boost to the immune system! Creating your own spiritual toolkit will allow you to be proactive and will also help boost your immune system.

Here are a few of the items in my Spiritual Toolkit.

** I repeat my favorite line from A Course In Miracles: “In this moment I have everything that I need.” For me, this is always true as well as comforting. When I say this to myself I know that in this NOW moment, I have a safe place to sit, clean water to drink, fresh air to breath, food to eat, family and friends who love me.

** I have faith. I remember that even though I don’t know what the future holds, I can choose to ‘be with not knowing’ and choose to know and trust that I am ok and I will be ok. As I recall my faith, I place my hands upon my heart and give thanks for all the goodness in my life.

** I Take Five. I stop whatever I am doing, I stop listening to my scary thoughts and I find a fun way to get through the next five minutes. I may turn on my favorite Earth Wind and Fire tune (loud) and dance around the house, or I’ll do a quick search of the Internet for stupid, funny jokes (here’s one for you right now: Did you hear about the zoo that only had one dog? It was a shitzu!) Take 5 minutes and distract yourself.

** I do EFT Tapping. This is a very useful and easy to learn process to help relieve stress, anxiety and suffering. Just google it and you will find a ton of free videos to tap along with.

** I do a “feelingization.” This is a word I coined to describe a closed eye process to take you from your head to your heart and experience love, gratitude, serenity and peace.

Here is a link to one entitled Blessing Yourself, Blessing The World that will calm you and fill you with love, guiding you to extend that love to the world.

In just 15 minutes you can transform your state of being!

Watch it here!

Decide today to be your own “Salvatore” and create a safe and nurturing and blessed world for yourself.

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle

How Not to Die Alone!

If you are single and dating online, How Not To Die Alone by Logan Ury is a MUST READ. (She is the Director of Relationship Science for Hinge.)

I consumed most of it in one sitting, riveted by all the research and science she included that explains why online dating can be a struggle because it offers “too many” choices.

And, if you understand this, how you can overcome it.

Hint: Most people do best when they have six or less options to choose from!

Drawing from years of research, author/behavioral scientist turned dating coach Ury reveals in her book:

  • What’s holding you back in dating (and how to break the pattern)
  • What really matters in a long-term partner (and what really doesn’t)
  • How to overcome the perils of online dating (and make the apps work for you)
  • How to meet more people in real life (while doing activities you love)
  • How to make dates fun again (so they stop feeling like job interviews)
  • Why “the spark” is a myth (but you’ll find love anyway)

> Get it Here <

Many people suffer from patterns of behavior that hold them back from finding love.

In the book Ury has categorized the most common blind spots, unrealistic expectations, and provides a quiz to discover which of the “Three Dating Tendencies” you fall into.

  • The Romanticizer has unrealistic expectations of relationships. They want the soul mate, the happily ever after—the whole fairy tale.
  • The Maximizer has unrealistic expectations of their partner. They love to explore their options and want to feel absolutely confident they’re making the right decision.
  • The Hesitater has unrealistic expectations of themselves. They feel like they’re not ready to date.

She does a great job of outlining how so many of us think we know what we want when it comes to a partner, but our intuition about what will lead to long-term happiness is often wrong. And she shares how to turn this tendency round.

I love that there is a chapter called F**k the spark! I’m also teaching instant butterflies in your stomach is a red flag. Chemistry can build over time and if you get a big hit and feel “love at first sight,” that is no promise that this person has the capacity to be a good life partner.

Ditch the spark and go after the slow burn—someone who may not be particularly, immediately, charming but would make a great long-term partner. As my friend Carol Allen teaches, “if they didn’t totally gross you out on the first date, give them a second chance.”

While written for millennials, this book has so much good info that I recommend it for all ages. And, read it with your rose-colored glasses on looking for the good you can take from it rather than using it as an excuse to throw up your hands and give up.

You only need ONE soulmate/life-partner and the more you understand your own patterns and biases, the faster you can become visible to them online.

Nearly 40% of marriages are now starting online and even though 90% of the people you connect with won’t even be close to the ONE, you can find the ONE if you are open minded, and ready to participate with an open mind and an open heart.

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle

Self Love is NOT a Pre-Requisite to Soulmate Love

Self-love seems to be the hot topic in the personal growth movement these days and when it comes to finding soulmate love, there are a lot of myths that until you fully love yourself first, you won’t be able to get anyone else to love you. Is this really true?

My experience has been that most women (at least in the Northern hemisphere) live with a negative, critical voice in their heads that is often filled with ugly, shaming thoughts, self- doubt, and brings with it feelings of never being “good enough.”

And, I began to wonder, do you really have to eliminate that persistent voice in order to find true love?

Do we really need to be 100% in love with ourselves to experience Big Love?

No.

What is required is to learn how to “talk back” to that voice and create strategies to love yourself more and better. This includes a big dose of self-awareness so that when the “voice surfaces” you kick its butt!

For instance, you walk past a mirror and immediately react by thinking “God, you look like a total piece of $#it today.” Immediately stop. Walk back to the mirror, give yourself a big smile and blow yourself a kiss and say something warm and loving to your reflection. This is called self-care and self-soothing. Over time, you can change your habitual negative thinking by in-putting loving and uplifting thoughts and beliefs about yourself. And please, never forget that just because you have a thought does not make it true!

Now, as for soulmate love, one of the greatest, most awesome things about living your life with your soulmate, is that you begin to heal each other in unimaginable ways. When you spend time with someone who loves all of you – the good, the bad and the ugly, you begin to love yourself even more.

So many women are waiting to actively seek their soulmate because they feel stuck in how they feel about themselves. This is a very selfish thing to do.

Why? Because, just as you desire to spend your life with your soulmate, they are also seeking you. And if you are holed up at home, on the couch, watching reality TV they can’t find you!

Now, while learning to love yourself a little bit more and more, it’s also important to know that once you do manifest the love of your life, you teach them how to treat you by the way they witness how you treat yourself. I learned this from my husband Brian. Once we got married and began living together, I noticed how he always prioritized his health and well-being. In the beginning I made up stories about how selfish he was because he wasn’t always flexible about the time he took to meditate and exercise.

When I finally asked him about it his response floored me. He explained that by sticking to his personal care schedule, he was able to fill himself up so that the rest of the day he had more love and more energy to give to me and the rest of the world.

Wow. What an insight that was for me. I soon began to follow in his footsteps.

Yes, self-love is important but don’t let that voice in your head be a barrier to love. A soulmate will love all of you and as you see and feel their love for you, you will also learn to love all of you.

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle

Practice Love Amnesty (How and Why)

I believe we are all perfectly imperfect beings doing the best we can, most of the time.

And yet, we are now living in an era where cancel culture has become de rigueur, second chances are few and far between, and the art of forgiveness appears to have vanished.

We all have said and done stupid, regrettable things and I believe that if we own what we’ve done, and give a proper apology, and make amends, shouldn’t we be forgiven?

I see this as an issue in our personal relationships as well as in our culture.

Your significant other may be the greatest person on the planet but that doesn’t mean they aren’t going to make you crazy from time to time.

When your “annoyance” button has been pressed, take an immediate time out and calm yourself by sitting down, closing your eyes, and taking some deep breaths. Breathe in slowly to the count of 4, hold for the count of 4, breathe out for the count of 6. Repeat 10x.

Then, try this: Imagine you are both in a Courtroom, in front of a judge and jury, and you are the defense attorney. It’s your job to argue on behalf of your spouse (or whoever) and explain to the judge and jury why they are behaving this way and what caused them to do it.

Argue like their life depends upon it.

Chances are you will dissipate your annoyance and reach a deeper understanding of their behavior.

What if we all agreed to have a statute of limitations on just how long we are going to hold minor offenses against humans being human?

I think it’s time we come to a collective agreement and have “love amnesty” for ourselves, our friends and family, and our fellow imperfect humans.

Life is hard enough these days without holding grudges and judging people for relatively minor offenses.

I admit I sometimes get perverse pleasure in being angry and self-righteous when I feel offended by someone’s behavior but the only one getting hurt is me and my nervous system.

When I notice I am doing this, I do my mindful breathing and then I channel my inner Dalai Lama. I see him in my heart laughing and exuding love and compassion and then I consciously choose to embrace his frequency of love.

It works every time.

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle

Are You a Liar?

Are you a liar?

I believe most of us are. (Hey, we are all human, no judgement here.)

And the biggest lies we tell are to ourselves.

We lie to ourselves in small ways and big.

For instance, perhaps you do some or all of these:

You want to be healthy and yet you consistently blow off exercising and eat things you know are not good for you.

You want to nourish your mind with loving thoughts and yet you make up stories about how you are not good enough, loveable enough, or whatever and you let those stories keep you stuck.

You are in a relationship with a narcissist or someone who clearly exhibits bad behavior and you stick around hoping they will change. (They won’t)

You don’t have enough time. (You do but you have to get out of denial and truly prioritize, stop scrolling through social media, or get up an hour earlier to start writing that book or whatever you say you don’t have time for.)

You desire a soulmate life partner, but you are not dating and you swear online dating doesn’t work. (It does when you know how to do it right, get my free online dating guide here.)

What if you selected just one area of your life to flip from lying about to focusing your attention on?

Would you be willing to truly prioritize your heart’s desire and put in the time, energy, attention and investment to make it happen?

How would your life be better in three months, six months or a year from now if you made the decision NOW to finally go for it?

Life is hard and life is short and these days we have to make some tough choices about how to use our time and resources but I believe that if you have a strong desire for something it deserves to be prioritized.

Go for it!!

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle

p.s. There are 3 scholarships available for my weekend workshop at the Art of Living Retreat Center in Boone, NC the weekend of Sept. 24-26 (does not include room & board).

Apply here!

Limiting Belief Buster – This really works!

I have great news for you – if you missed last week’s free webinar on breaking through limiting beliefs, I’ve got the replay link for you.

My friend Shelly Lefkoe, co-founder of The Lefkoe Institute, presented a master class in transforming limiting beliefs that was simply life changing.

In this interactive webinar Shelly explained what a belief is, where beliefs come from, how to deeply understand why many of your deepest beliefs about yourself are not true and, most importantly, how to release limiting beliefs forever.

If you KNOW that you have a belief that is holding you back from manifesting the love of your life (or fully enjoying the love that you have), give yourself the gift of participating fully for 90 minutes and bust through the thing that has been stopping you from love success.

Shelly explains how our beliefs get formed and then guides you, step by step, through the process of transformation.

I would encourage you to do this when you can carve out an uninterrupted 90 minutes and truly focus. (Be sure to stay till the very end when she will tell you how to get a very valuable free gift).

> Watch it here <

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle

p.s. This webinar is available ONLY until August 26th so don’t wait, make the time to watch soonest.

What I’m Streaming & Binging Now

One of my near daily pleasure puppy activities is to hang out and watch TV just for the sheer joy and entertainment of it. Not only do I find it pleasurable, its relaxing and sometimes even feels a bit decadent, depending on the show.

Here are some of my recent favorites:

YOUNGER

Mega producer Darren Star, who brought us Sex and the City, has a series on Hulu that brings together hot, sexy, sassy young women in NYC who work in publishing.

The lead character is a 40-year-old divorcee who gave up her dreams job in publishing for marriage and to raise her daughter. When her husband gambles away all their money and has an affair, she is suddenly broke and alone. Her attempts to get back into publishing are impossible because of the long gap in her work life and the youth culture of the entry level jobs. Fortunately, she looks much younger than 40 and presents herself as 26 and lands a plum position as a marketing assistant.

She now has to play catchup to fit in with 20-something co-workers with while trying to please an impossibly bitchy middle-aged boss who is on parr with Meryl Streep’s character in The Devil Wears Prada. It’s a smart, and funny rom-com.

100 Foot Wave (HBO)

This docuseries is a heart thumping deep dive into the sport of Big Wave Surfing, following the discovery of the world’s largest waves in Nazare, Portugal and the men and women who attempt to ride and survive them.

Fantastic cinematography and a thoughtful reveal of the psyche of these extreme athletes and how they survive physically and emotionally. Really captivating even if you have never surfed.

Grace and Frankie (Netflix)

Season 7 is live now with Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin, gal pals, besties, and business partners. If you haven’t ever watched this, the story line is two couples, long-time friends divorce when the husbands (Martin Sheen and Sam Waterston) reveal they have been lovers for decades. The men marry and the women become roommates, as they re-envision their lives as senior citizen single women.

Love seeing Jane’s evolution this season as she is beginning to question just want KIND of marriage she wants and needs with her new, younger husband.

StartUp (Netflix)

A high finance maverick, a young Latina/Cuban coder who has invented the next, better, Bitcoin and a Little Haiti drug lord become unlikely business partners in this Miami based drama. Miami Vice was a provincial walk in the park compared to these well-developed characters who sometimes have you rooting for the bad guy.

It’s gritty and violent and unpredictable.

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle