Dancing with Hope (So Love Can Have More Love)

You are in for a treat today. My friend, Dr. Gary Sayler, has written a game-changing book, Safe To Love Again How to Release the Pain of Past Relationships and Create the Love You Deserve. 

In this book he skillfully illuminates the origins of the blocks to love so many suffer with, whether its around finding love or keeping love. This magnificent work offers practical, healing solutions that will put you on the path to deep and lasting love.  Today. Dr. Sayler has written a special blog for us that shares a big piece of his wisdom:

“If it’s not one stunt, it’s another!” Amy exclaimed in a defeated tone. “Every time I turn around, I’m being ghosted or stood up. What’s up with these guys? Why do I have to meet someone new every two weeks? Since when did two months become a long term relationship?” Then Amy voiced the real heartbreak beneath the tears—“Maybe it’s just better not looking for love . . .” With a heavy sigh, she continued, “I’m just going through the motions when it comes to finding my dream man. I feel empty—like I’ve lost all of my passion. Living for my kids seems to be my only option when it comes to feeling loved.” So how do we find love when hope is gone?

Over the years, I’ve learned that clients must dance with hope if they’re going to waltz love into their lives. Nothing is more debilitating than feeling like we’re never going to be loved. Our generation is filled with people who no longer believe they can find love. Many don’t feel like they deserve love anymore. If they hope at all, they’re resigned to finding someone who won’t give them the deep connection they deserve. What’s the answer to such hopelessness?

We can take a big clue from Attachment Theory—the science of how brains are wired to love and be loved. There are three styles in which people typically create relationships; secure, anxious, or avoidant. Those with a secure love style feel really safe in a relationship. The anxious, however, are constantly worried that love will go away. These types constantly ask, “Do you still love me?” And last, but not least, avoidant people run from intimate, close relationships. You will know them as Mr. or Ms. Unavailable.

Most love styles are created by the time we’re a year old. Something told us as babies whether we were loved or not. Whatever tells a baby’s brain that someone loves them surely can’t be as complex as dating site algorithms suggest. A secure brain uses four key feelings to know when it’s loved. Moreover, these feelings remain your brain’s GPS for love for life. If your brain is using other feelings like unworthy or un-cherished, you change them at some point. Love doesn’t have to be as complex as we imagine.

It’s only when we don’t use our brain’s natural GPS for love that things get hopeless. One client, Rachel, described it like this—“I think love is impossible for me to find because I misread the signs. It’s like I’m distracted from seeing love the way it is. I get flooded by feelings like excitement or passion. It’s as if true love gets hidden behind all of my emotional clutter.” When you are uncluttered, these feelings tell your brain when it’s loved: Welcomed with Joy, Worthy and Nourished, Cherished and Protected, and Empowered with Choice. These are your original love GPS!

Welcomed with Joy happens when someone lights up in your presence. Your partner wakes up in the morning saying, “Good morning, Gorgeous!” At night, they’ll notice your mood and offer to hold you in their arms—just because you’re home again. You’re invited to share your feelings and your thoughts. This makes your relationship a cozy oyster, and your beloved a warm, comfy sanctuary for life. Welcome creates regular rituals of connection, like the kiss goodbye and the passionate caress when you get home. When you feel welcomed, your relationship feels warm and inviting.

Worthy and Nourished means it’s okay to reach out with your needs and to have them bountifully met. When you’re loved, you feel esteemed and deserving by your partner. This empowers you to ask for your needs to be met. What’s more, your beloved will actively notice your needs and keep track of your requests. Lasting love knows your patterns, preferences, and dreams in depth. You will feel special, heard, and felt.

You feel Cherished and Protected when your partner wants to fully support you. You get to be your best me in a mutually supportive We. There’s a feeling of freedom without any sense that you must go it alone. You’re emboldened to explore the outermost edges of who you were meant to be. Independence is not an end unto itself. There’s no thought that you must sacrifice your me to be a We. You feel celebrated, honored, valued, and sheltered by your partner. There’s a home port in your beloved’s heart for you. Notice, too, that there must be a We for couples to feel truly loved. Noticing if someone is capable of creating a deep partnership will make you feel wiser and safer.

Empowered with Choice is the fourth signpost. It’s okay to speak up and express your full self when you’re loved. There’s a sense of confidence that you can craft what you most want. You’re able to explore the possibilities of life and co-create an inner reality together. You get a say in things. You can be decisive because they share influence with you. Both partners get to have their wins in the relationship.

Imagine going into a date using these secure feelings as your new compass for love, rather than the list. Just because a date is a certain height or has a good career doesn’t mean you hit the jackpot. The lottery of love is always these four wonderful feelings that create real, lasting love. Once you become the master of noticing and creating the feelings of secure love, you’ll naturally pick better dates, get out of bad relationships sooner, and know the secret for keeping love strong. That’s the day hope becomes authentic and empowering.

This new way of attracting and keeping love—and actually creating real hope—I call Safe to Love Again. You can know deep in your heart that you’re both worthy and able to find the love you want—and keep it! When you experience that, you know there’s HOPE! Best of all, lasting love can waltz its way into your life sooner rather than never.

Anyone ready to dance with hope and find real love?

If you have trouble finding love or keeping love, this book, Safe to Love Again: How to Release the Pain of Past Relationships and Create the Love You Deserve, by Dr. Gary Sayler, is worth reading: BUY IT HERE!

 

Who’s The Man In Your Relationship?

I am a very “bottom-line” person. I speak my mind. I call it as I see it, without all that flowery talk. While this communication style may be very useful in the workplace, I discovered it’s not a quality most men find endearing or attractive.

One evening, when I was in my early thirties, I had been on a date with a man I found rather obnoxious, superficial and patronizing. Admittedly, it was a really bad date. Completely unintentionally, Dirk said something that changed my life:

“You are one tough and powerful woman and I’ll bet you scare the shit out of most men.”

At that moment, Dirk stopped the car in front of my apartment building and leaned over to kiss me goodnight. I dodged him, slipped out of the door and ran for home, hoping to never see him again.

His final words to me became an audio loop in my head, playing over and over again.

“You are one tough and powerful woman and I’ll bet you scare the shit out of most men.”

Oy. Big fat hairy oy!

Until that moment I had never, ever thought of myself as tough or powerful. But the thought wouldn’t leave my mind. What if Dirk was right? What if that was exactly how I was showing up? Speechless, I was too embarrassed to discuss this new revelation with anyone.

A few weeks later, a girlfriend invited me to a lecture by Dr. Pat Allen, a psychologist with a reputation for providing women with “strict dating rules” that would, if followed precisely, lead to commitment and marriage. That was the promise that got me in the door of the auditorium in Westwood near the UCLA campus. What kept me coming back was Dr. Pat’s wise and wonderous conversation about “masculine and feminine energies.” It turns out that I was living and playing full out with my masculine energy of being practical, assertive and results-oriented while my receptive, creative and soft feminine energies had been locked away, hiding out in a corner of my heart I had yet to access.

Dr. Pat explained that both men and women possess both masculine and feminine energy and that it is totally appropriate for a woman to be in her masculine while working. However, when she wants to be with a masculine man, she needs to access her feminine energy to create harmony and desire. Wow. Now I was beginning to understand what Dirk meant, but how in the world did I go from being “me,” the only “me” I knew, to some “feminine” version of me? Did I have to twist myself all around to please men? Or was there a side of me, like the unknown frontier, just dying to be expressed?

I was determined to find out.

For the next several months, Tuesday nights with Dr. Pat became my new-found religion as I began to wrap my mind and heart around allowing the feminine in me to emerge. I have to admit it didn’t come easily. My default position to take control and make things happen didn’t want to “surrender” at the end of the workday and yet I knew that a big piece of my key to happiness was inextricably tied to the ability to surrender to that feminine energy that would complement a man’s. More than anything, I knew I had to learn to love through my deeper, receptive, feminine divine self.

I took up belly-dancing. What could possibly be more rooted in femininity and my own sensuality than that? Soon I could roll my hips and shake and shimmy my booty with the best of them, all the while still making demands and providing my opinions to the men in my life. The path to my inner Goddess seemed to be eluding me, but I felt no pressure to allow Her to emerge immediately. Because I wasn’t seriously involved with anyone at the time, I slowly stopped thinking about the “tough and powerful Arielle who scared men.”

Learning to access my feminine energies was a big leap and I believe also cleared the path for me to manifest my soulmate, Brian.

After we got married, we started a business together and I quickly discovered one thing that he used to do that just made me crazy. He always wanted to talk shop during dinner. The wanna-be Goddess in me had figured out that in order to embrace and exude my feminine energy, I needed to “drop” my masculine energy at the end of the workday. I created a soothing transition to create this transformation. After coming home from work, I would practice my belly-dancing before soaking in a long hot, aroma-infused bubble bath. Then I would put on a little make-up and a dress and we would go out for dinner. (For years, we ate out nearly every night). Often somewhere between soup and dessert Brian would begin discussing one of the books we were selling or negotiating. Generally, the conversation went like this:

Brian: I think the publisher’s offer for John’s next book will end up being close to $150,000, but they’re asking for world rights.

Arielle: That’s great, can we talk about it tomorrow when we are in the office?

Brian: Why? We’re here now and this is fun!

Arielle: Yes, it’s fun, but I really want to be done working for the day and I don’t want to put my brain into work mode.

And, often we would end up having a business conversation because it was easier than trying to explain something that I just couldn’t quite language in a way that Brian could hear. With each dinner conversation that turned to business, the knot in my stomach tightened and I prayed for guidance on how to explain to my super-cool new husband that my inner Goddess was starving for equal time.

After reading a few books and taking a workshop, we learned that to have a healthy relationship, we each can and should express both our masculine and feminine energies, depending on the situation. Outside of the workplace, Brian’s preferred expression is masculine and mine is feminine. Brian came to realize that his desire to talk shop at dinner came from his years in the development business, spending long nights with his partners hashing and re-hashing the finer points of a deal. That was fun for him. He quickly saw the value in nurturing and encouraging my expression of my feminine radiance and was quite willing to give up “shop talk” after hours. Since then, we have both benefited greatly from our choices…if you know what I mean!

So, ladies, look and see if you need to find a way to transition from your masculine workplace mode into feminine mode, and gentleman, be sure to encourage your women to be their most feminine selves with you so you can enjoy your own masculine mode.

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

 Arielle

I Was a Lousy Wife (a confession)

Today I am in my 17th year of an amazing, deeply loving, fulfilling marriage to my soulmate Brian… and I almost blew it!

 

Soon after we got married, I made a horrifying discovery: I had no clue how to be a great wife. I was an excellent manifestor, and I was great at being “the boss” of my business, but I had zero partnership skills.

 

bad wifeHere’s just one example: One day, several months after we got married, I walked into the house all excited and started talking a mile-a- minute to Brian…no hello, no kiss, just this:

 

“Hey babe, guess what? We’re having dinner tonight at Deepak and Rita Chopra’s house, we need to be there by 7pm, I haven’t a clue what I’m gonna wear but I have to jump into the tub right now.”

 

I fully expected Brian to say something like, “Hey that’s great, should be lots of fun to catch up with them.”

 

Instead I got this strange look from him, that I immediately felt in the pit of my stomach, so I said, “what’s wrong?”

 

And Brian said, “You didn’t ask me.”

 

“What do you mean? Don’t you want to have dinner with the Chopra’s?”

 

Well, it would have been nice if you had asked me first.”

 

“Why? I knew you would want to go.”

 

Because asking me is the polite and considerate thing to do.”

 

I was really baffled. If I “knew he would want to go, then WHY, WHY, WHY did I have to ask him first?”

 

As a first time bride at 44, I was used to having everything my way, all the time. It never occurred to me that Brian would want anything different from what I wanted. It never occurred to me that we wouldn’t always see things “eye to eye” because we were soulmates.

 

Weren’t we destined to easily and effortlessly live “happily ever after?”

 

It became obvious that I needed to discover new, better ways to listen, to communicate, to be considerate, and most importantly to become a team player.

 

I didn’t know what I didn’t know about making a relationship thrive and grow into a joyous and sacred union.

 

Brian was a natural at most of these things, and most of the time, he was very patient with me when communicating about what was and was not working for him. (And, honestly it took me a L O N G time learn how to be considerate and ask him before committing him to any and all activities.)

 

If only he had arrived with an “Owner’s Manual” that outlined the one-two-three steps to happy and fulfilling marriage.

 

Alas, that book never arrived.

 

Instead, I decided to become a student of love.

 

In my heart and soul I knew that Brian and I were meant to spend our life together and I also knew that I had to take personal responsibility for my role in the partnership. We went to workshops together, I read lots of books, and best of all, I spent more that 130 hours interviewing the world’s top love and relationship experts for Evolving Wisdom’s Art of Love Series that I co-created and hosted for several years – many of them top researchers and social scientists who virtually never do interviews such as these… and I’m blessed that many of them became friends, and spent hours answering my endless questions and forever changing my understanding of love and how to make it last.

 

The result of these years of study (and personally road testing the various techniques and strategies to a happy marriage), are that Brian and I just grow closer and closer, and I’ve got him convinced that I’m the most loving and attentive wife ever!

 

I was so thrilled at the changes in my own relationship (and the peace of mind and security they brought me as well), that I am now sharing the best of the best of my own “light bulb moments” and most effective tools for transformation in my new book:

 

Turn Your Mate Into Your Soulmate: A Practical Guide To Happily Ever After

(It will be published on my birthday, December 29th, by HarperOne.)

 

 

PLEASE KEEP READING, I have special gifts for you.

 

I am beyond excited about the upcoming release of this, my 10th book. I truly believe it’s my best work yet, and I know that the information in it provides myriad ways to create loving, long lasting, soulful relationships.

 

(And if you’re not in a relationship, reading his book will send a big message to the Universe that you are “living as if” and give you great new techniques and tools to use when you are in one.)

 

Turn Your Mate into Your Soulmate explores and reveals:

  • How to make your own grass greener, and save everyone tons of heartache and why changing partners may not be the answer and why re-envisioning the partner you have can be that path to happiness
  • What love really is and is not and how to stop being confused from now on
  • Why we yearn to be connected to another person (hint: you’re not needy or insecure – it’s healthy and almost universal to want that level of connection with another…)
  • Our soul and our sacred contracts around love
  • Why giving up perfectionism is the key to happiness (and so much easier for YOU!)
  • The purpose and benefits of marriage (science has proven it’s so much more than “just a piece of paper”)
  • Moving beyond ourselves to infuse our relationship with God/Spirit/devotion (no matter your beliefs or religion)
  • Breathing new life into old love by kick-starting the fun (you really can “get back that spark” – quickly and without embarrassing yourself)

 

“Arielle Ford is a priestess of love, bringing forth the highest wisdom and placing it down on earth where it belongs. She has lived the love drama, learned from the love drama, and succeeded at the love drama. She has a lot of information to deliver, and in this book she does so compassionately and wisely.”

~Marianne Williamson, author A Return To Love

 

I consider you, dear reader, one of my friends and I have a special offer for you:

 

When you pre-order the book, you will instantly receive a free bonus package that includes special gifts from resources I consider to be among the “best of the best”.

 

Five part Video series (instant access) featuring:

John Gray

“How Women Can Get Their Needs and Desires Met by Their Mate”

Dr. Pepper Schwartz

“How Sex Can Save Your Life”

Iyanla Van Zant

“The best way to apologize and how to forgive “

Gay & Katie Hendricks

“You’re Too Fat” (and other hard conversations to have)

Dr. Laura Berman

“How to Affair Proof Your Relationship”

 

Plus there are two great bonus audios (on sex and intimacy) and The Everything Book, an e-Book for you & your mate to fill out an exchange that shares juicy details of what you both most want!

 

Now here is the offer for YOU only (I’m not making this offer to anyone who is not on my newsletter list)

 

If you pre-order Turn Your Mate Into Your Soulmate online you will get instant access to all the bonuses – click here (www.matetosoulmate.com)

 

And will be on your way to take your relationship go from ho-hum to happy, happy to ecstatic, and ecstatic to EXALTED – for life.

 

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle

Are you really in love? (plus find LOVE on Facebook)

Did you get your heart broken in high school or college?

Or, did you break someone’s heart?

Are you single now?

Are they?

Fascinating new research shows that if you reconnect with someone from your past that you were once in love with and both of you are now single, there is a 70% chance that you can reconnect and have a happy life together!

Helen Fisher heartOne of my favorite TV shows, CBS Sunday Morning, recently did a segment on this topic, featuring Dr. Helen Fisher, and highlighted several couples that found each other again, including one woman who reunited with her Ex via Facebook. In spite of the fact that one of them dumped the other in the long ago past, these couples reconnected and are now happily married.

What happened?

According to Dr. Fisher, anthropologist, love expert, and Rutgers University professor, the brain chemistry and circuitry that first had them fall in love was “re-ignited.”

Why? Because chances are you will still find each other attractive, and you share important history together. There is a built in comfort level:  You already know each other…family, friends, and all kinds of background info. If you re-connect, you could have your brain chemistry triggered and voila, romance re-blossoms!

Dr. Fisher and her research partner, Dr. Lucy Brown, have a new website, where you can learn much more about love and they offer a fantastic quiz where you can discover if you really are “in love.”  They call it a Love Calculator and it measures the Passionate Love Scale. Try it now at www.theAnatomyofLove.com.

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle

The #1 predictor of relationship Success…

Today I wanted to share with you fascinating research that my friend and licensed relationship expert, Randy Bennett, recently brought to my attention.

It has to do with a remarkable “secret weapon” that researchers discovered can actually transform your relationship from a miserable, stale, boring, emotionally-starved desert into a lush garden full of fun, intimacy and passion.

Sound impossible?  Think again…enjoy!

Imagine the WORST argument you’ve ever had with a man.

You’re yelling, he’s yelling…you’re crying…he doesn’t even seem to care.

He retreats to the garage or turns on the TV, you don’t speak for days, and any look from either of you feels like a poison dart straight to the heart.

You may have thought, “We’re getting close to the end of what was once a promising, loving relationship.”

Instead of living in the love boat…your relationship feels more like it’s trapped in the “kill or be killed” hunger games.

How does that sound?  Familiar?

Every relationship has conflict… but how can a relationship possibly survive with this type of conflict?

Believe it or not it can, and I am going to show you how in this article.

These are skills every man and woman (single, dating, married or committed) should know

Why Fighting Can Actually be Good…

Now, if you’re like most people…you think fighting is bad…bordering-on-evil bad.

Well, that’s not necessarily the case.

Fighting is actually NOT the number one cause – or even a predictor – of relationship failure.

Not even close.  So next time you get into a committed relationship… don’t be afraid to get into a fight.

Actually, fighting can stimulate positive change in a relationship assuming there isn’t a mix of psychological warfare, back-stabbing and needless put-downs added to the fight.

Let me prove my point.

Researchers from the University of Washington were curious why some couples could fight and then within hours be right back in each other’s arms again, seemingly HAPPIER than before they fought, while other couples kept growing closer…to divorce court!

Going into the study, the researchers believed that the words “I’m sorry,” we’re the key to effective relationship repair.

But after analyzing more than 600 couples over a 14-year stretch, the researches were stunned to find out that they were wrong.

They found that, while almost all couples apologized, only a percentage of them effectively repaired the relationship after the argument.

There was something else going on…something the researchers NEVER expected.

What These Researches Found Left Them Stunned…

It wasn’t what the couple was actually saying or doing DURING or immediately after the fight itself…the key was in what the couple was doing the days, weeks, months and years before and after their fights.

After analyzing couples who stick it out, these researchers realized that for every negative event, the couple had at least 5 POSITIVE events.

That means for every negative event, there were 5 positive events.

That was their secret weapon.

We’re not talking big deals here like a weekend away to the tropics or a piece of jewelry or flowers every time there’s a big fight… just simple little things, such as…

  • A little kiss good morning…
  • A long hug and sign of affection when you return home.. 
  • A compliment about your appearance…
  • A love note…
  • A kind word…
  • A thoughtful gesture…

In other words, it’s the “little things” that actually make a HUGE difference.

What does this mean for you?  For a brand new relationship?

The little deposits you make into the love bank on a day-to-day basis overwhelm any withdrawals that are made when you have the periodic all-out-war type of fights.

That means… you want to make a lot of love deposits.

And that’s how those at-each-other’s-throat couples can seem like they’re on the verge of breaking up one day, and then appear to be deeply in love as if they are newly dating the next day-all because they’re using that secret weapon against all of the negativity.

How to Reclaim that Dating Spark in Your Relationship…

The take-away here is that you already hold the secret weapon for once again having a close, loving, emotionally-fulfilling connection with your man (OR a new relationship).

You just have to put that secret weapon to work, starting RIGHT NOW.

It doesn’t mean that you stop fighting – that’s completely unrealistic.

What it means is that the next time you DO get in a fight, keep in mind the concept of outweighing a handful of negatives with a barrel full of positives.

In fact, I challenge the couples I counsel to aim for the Rule of Six: for every negative interaction you have with your man, you have to override it with at least six positive interactions.

It’s like money in the love bank.

When the overwhelming majority of your interactions are positive ones, the smaller number of negative interactions isn’t powerful enough to take down your relationship.

Positive interactions build a relationship fortress, and they’re your secret weapon for creating emotional intimacy between you and your man.

And that will lay the groundwork for developing a deeply fulfilling, blissful relationship that will flourish for decades to come.

I wish you the best,

Randall E. Bennett, MA, LMFT, LCPC

P.S.  The Rule of Six is one of the simplest, but most effective methods that I teach, but there’s another, even more powerful one that I share in this video.

It has to do with a somewhat unusual way of talking to your man that connects to his “love frequency.” 

It’s shockingly simple and is something that ANY woman can do – it’s natural, it’s easy, and it’s actually fun.

And it’s the best skill to attract men to you, like bees to honey. And best of all, it works extremely quickly as I explain here.

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle

Creating A Sacred Soulmte Altar

As you know, where intention goes, energy flows.

Because of how energy functions, we are each engaged in co-creation with the Life Force. If you want to manifest your soulmate, you need to set the intention for it to be so. Setting an intention is like speaking to the Divine through a megaphone: it gets the message across more clearly. This is the true magic behind creating an altar or shrine, which are incredible spiritual tools because they anchor our feelings and thoughts so we become very clear and specific about what we want.

The bedroom is an important sacred space, as it is usually where you spend the most time in your home. This sacred space and how it is decorated and arranged is especially important to manifesting your soul mate. Intentions made here resonate strongly through your personal energy field. In terms of manifesting your soulmate, what intention do you have for this sacred space?

If you want to manifest a more active love life or initiate a romantic relationship, energy enhancements and specifically designed altars can assist you in anchoring these intentions.

This room is an excellent place for an altar or shrine because you will see it first, when rising in the morning, and last, when going to bed at night. To your psyche these are significant moments when the body makes an organic and natural internal shift. In the morning we “start our engines” so to speak. In the evening, we slow down, rest and relax from the day’s activities.

Whether your bedroom is located in the Marriage and Relationship quadrant of the Feng Shui Bagua (see p.70 of the Soulmate Secret), or not, it is the preferred location for an altar or shrine dedicated to manifesting your soul mate.

Tips for a simple shrine or altar in your bedroom:

Whether you decide to create a vision board, or want to establish a small altar, it is important to cleanse and sanctify the ambient energy of the surrounding space.

Energy and space clearing techniques include: first de-cluttering the space; cleansing yourself; and then utilizing any of the following practices: smudging, bells (and/or drums), holy water, and if you are trained – a pendulum for clearing energies.

Next, gather pictures and items that resonate deeply with your vision of romance and your potential partner I always like to include a statue of the Hindu lovers Krishna & Radha). They can be inspirational, practical, decorative, symbolic or all four. You may want to utilize and balance the aspects of the 5 elements of feng shui – water; metal; earth; fire and wood.

Balance the qualities of yin and yang (feminine and masculine attributes) with color, sound, and scents.

Other ideas are: talismans, gem stones, totems, inspirational quotes, cards and poems, favorite and natural objects, and sacred-mystical symbols and artifacts that resonate love, partnership and romance to you.

Keep in mind visual reminders of couples and pairs.

Once you have gathered your soulmate manifesting ingredients, assemble and bless them. Chose a piece of material to serve as an altar cloth and drape the fabric over a flat surface to create a consecrated space. Pick colors, patterns and textures that resonate with your intention. Place your objects ‘intentionally’. When you are finished, close your eyes and tune-in to your intention. Do a feelingization exercise to anchor your soulmate intention.

Remember that this process does not have to be done in one day. It can be a living altar that you tend to on a daily basis or weekly basis – adding to or removing objects as you like.

You can learn more about the art of shrine and altar crafting in the book by Shawne Mitchell: “Creating Home Sanctuaries with Feng Shui, Sacred Spaces, Altars and Shrines.” This book will easily guide you through a seven-stage process for building personal retreats, altar and shrines within your home.

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle

Monkey Mind Management 101

We’ve all been there…..the days when we spiral down convinced that life just isn’t going our way… that we are undeserving of love, or the new job, or the thing we are most wishing for.

Our mind goes into overdrive, some would call it a negative feedback loop, and we keep replaying the negativity over and over again, convinced our mind is telling us the truth.
BUT….just because you have a thought does not mean it’s true!

It’s up to us to begin to manage our thoughts and emotions and there are ways to do this but it requires a little time and attention.

When you find yourself having negative thoughts, try these techniques:

1)    Stop what you are doing and acknowledge to yourself what you are thinking…internally (or out loud) say “cancel-cancel.”

2)    Then take time to do a feelingization (go to www.soulmatesecret.com and scroll down to the Love Magnet video) to move from your monkey mind to your heart and begin to feel love, appreciation and gratitude.  Remember, you attract MORE of what you are grateful for!

3)    Now create a positive affirmation that FEELS GOOD IN YOUR BODY.  Statements such as: I am a kind and loving being or I am grateful for all the love in my life right now.  Whatever statement feels most natural to you.  Write these on post-it notes and place where you can look at them daily.

I want to suggest that those of you who truly, deeply desire a soulmate that you begin to let go of your doubts of what is possible for you…..remember that the word “impossible” is really “I’m possible.”

One of my favorite quotes in Wayne Dyers book, WISHES FULFILLED, is from the great teacher, Neville, who said “Make your future dream a present fact by assuming the feeling of the wish fulfilled.”

I strongly encourage you to write this down and look at it daily. You deserve love and the one you are seeking is ALSO seeking you.

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,
Arielle

P.S. Manifesting the soulmate is the first step, learning how to keep and grow the LOVE is step two – get ready now with The Art of Love Relationship Series (no cost to participate). Love luminaries such as John Gray, don Miguel Ruiz, Alison Armstrong, Neale Donald Walsch, Jack Canfield, Marianne Williamson, Harville Hendrix, Dr. Helen Fisher, Katherine Woodward Thomas, Gay & Katie Hendricks, Craig Hamilton, Claire Zammit, Debbie Ford, Jean Houston and more show you how.
The Art of Love Relationship Series <== Join The Love Fest!

What Men Want (Really!)

According to a recent “Atlantic Monthly” article, not only are there more singles than ever in history, but

Carol Allen

(according to this article) dating and mating have never been tougher especially for women.

I asked my friend and relationship expert, Carol Allen, for her thoughts on this topic and to share with you a remarkable new series she has created on “what men want.” Here’s what she has to say and a preview to what she has discovered on this topic:

In terms of romantic opportunities, it’s more of a “man’s world” than ever, but don’t panic!

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Shhhh…..A Confession and a Secret Revealed

After Brian and I got married I discovered that “manifesting a soulmate” was the easy part.

The hard part was just beginning.

I was totally clueless about creating a great relationship. After 44 years of being single, I was used to having my own way (all of the time) and since I managed skip over having a “starter marriage” I had zero experience in “partnership.”

One day I found myself being particularly pushy.  I witnessed myself pointing my right index finger in Brian’s face (left hand on left hip) ragging him out about something…..and I was shocked!  OMG….what was I doing?

I quickly apologized and then in a flash of insight said to him, “the next time I get like this, and unfortunately there will be a next time, you have my permission to ask me “when did Sheila enter the room?” (Sheila is my brilliant, amazing, and some times overbearing Mom)

Brian instantly got it and said to me, “And the next time I am getting too patronizing, you can call me Wayne.” (his much beloved Dad.) This was the amazing beginning of our dedication to practicing Wabi Sabi Love in our relationship…a way to offset problems and allow in more love.

Now you may be thinking….what the heck is Wabi Sabi?

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Arielle Recommends: “We Need To Talk.”

Do you know what the four most dreaded words are in most relationships?

“We need to talk . . .”

Those words strike fear into the heart of most people. We become frightened, thinking that we’ve done something terribly wrong, or that we are about to be dumped.

Can you avoid ever having to hear those words again in your relationship or at work?

That’s impossible to predict, but what you can do is learn and master the fine art of communication so that you can enjoy the kinds of relationships you yearn for — and deserve.

The famous therapist, Virginia Satir said, “Once a human being has arrived on this earth, communication is the largest single factor determining what kinds of relationships she makes with others and what happens to her in the world about her.”

My friends Paul and Layne Cutright have created a simple, easy and fun communication technique they call “Heart to Heart Talks” — a powerful way to create more trust, honesty and intimacy that sets the stage for having good conversations when the going gets tough

. And, equally important, the kind of deep, soulful communication that keeps the heart fires burning and the work environment a place you look forward to going to.

When you learn all four of the different Heart to Heart Talks — Discovery, Nurturing, Clearing and Affirming — you will feel confident (and be competent) to handle whatever may come up in your relationships.

Now, I’ve seen too many people wait until they are in a relationship before they take steps to actually learn the skills necessary to be successful. Then, sadly, it is often too late.

The Roman philosopher Seneca sagely said, “Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.”

Paul and Layne have taught thousands of people how to use Heart to Heart Talks to consciously create more open, authentic and heart-centered relationships, both in their personal lives and professional lives.

The Cutrights have been in a romantic and professional/creative partnership for 34 years and they credit Heart to Heart Talks as the foundation of their long-lived success. Heart to Heart Talks is a result of their lifelong experiment in keeping the love alive.

They are offering readers of this newsletter a special program that includes their book, Straight From the Heart, along with over six hours of training in an accompanying audio program in which they model each of the four kinds of Heart to Heart Talks and coach participants in a variety of real life relationship issues and situations.

So, if you’d like to learn some uncommon secrets and strategies for successful relationships of all kinds, go ahead and check this out: paulandlayne.com

My new book Wabi Sabi Love is now available!  Finding your Soulmate is just the beginning.  Read how successful couples keep the soulmate fire burning.  Receive a priceless bonus bundle of advanced love attraction resources and techniques when you order your copy right here:   Wabi Sabi Love