Today, my friend and dating expert, Damona Hoffman, is sharing her dating formula that worked for her 13 years ago and it can work for you too:
The fairy tales and Disney movies I saw as a child brainwashed me, I believed that my Prince Charming was coming. If I was pretty enough, demure enough, and patient enough, one day he’d whisk me off to his castle and we’d live happily ever after.
After years of kissing frogs that never became princes, I came to the realization that this fairy tale was a BIG FAT LIE. At first, I was angry that I’d been tricked. I had achieved so much in my life, but finding love always seemed so elusive. It occurred to me that every time I felt stuck before – like when I wanted to get promoted at work or when I wanted to lose those annoying last 20 lbs – I had a plan. So, I created a dating plan for myself called Operation Date Nice Guys (no joke, I called it Operation DNG for short.) Here are the basic steps:
Step 1: GET CLEAR – The definition of insanity is to do the same thing and expect different results, so you first have to get clear on who you want to meet. For me, I always became attached to emotionally unavailable men who made me feel worthless in a relationship. To me, a “nice guy” was someone who was respectful and thoughtful who would lift me up, not of erode my self-esteem.
Step 2: FIND A NEW POND TO FISH IN – If you go to the same places and talk to the same people, how do you expect to meet someone new? Online dating opened up hundreds of options to me (and this was 13 years ago) – now the possibilities are endless.
Step 3: BE PROACTIVE – This is the biggest dating challenge that I find with women today. We are so tied to the idea of chivalry that we were sold as kids, that we become stuck in a state of inaction. Just waiting for messages to come to you online means you’re missing out on the upper echelon of men. The men who are worth your time aren’t sending form letters to dozens of women. The high-caliber men are impressed by a confident woman who makes the first move. You also have to remember that in the first phase of online dating, you are dealing with computer algorithms, not chivalry. By initiating contact, you are programming the site to feature you more prominently and exponentially increasing your chances of making a match.
Step 4: TAKE YOUR TIME – We are in such a hurry to determine if someone is a match or not on the first date that many women are overlooking quality men because they didn’t feel that nebulous thing called chemistry. If you really want to know what someone is like, you have to get past the first date.
One night, I had a first date with a man whose profile name was Mr. Pandemonium (sounds delightfully dangerous, right?) Then, in walks a guy wearing Banana Republic, grey, wool pants and a conservative, black sweater with the collar of a green, button down shirt neatly placed over it and I wanted to run the other way. This man was distinctly not my type. “But he’s cute,” I thought. “Maybe I can set him up with someone else?”
Then, I remembered my plan – Operation Date Nice Guys. If I wanted a different result, I would have to do something different, feel something different, give a different kind of guy a chance. I didn’t get butterflies that first date, but what I got was so much better. I got my dream guy and we’re about to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary.
Had I met him before my dating plan, I would have overlooked him because he wasn’t “my type”. In fact, I might not have even met him at all because he definitely wasn’t lurking in the same bogs as those frogs I’d been kissing.
If you’re ready to meet your Prince Charming too, you need a dating plan that works for you. The first step on that journey is the First Date Starter Kit which will offer you surefire solutions to meet more quality men and it will give you the tangible steps to take to prepare yourself for flawless first dates that lead to something more. If you’re ready to take control of your dating destiny, click here.
Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,