How Many ”I Love You’s” Is Too Much?

Can your soulmate ever say “I Love You” too often?

I doubt it.

Of course, you first need a warm, loving, awesome soulmate to find out.

For those of you fortunate ones who are living life with your soulmate, challenge yourself to UP your love sharing.

Use every opportunity to tell them how much love and appreciate them, (and chances are once you start the process, they will follow along and share more love with you).

Get creative.

Tuck a little “I Love You” post-it note into their purse or pocket.


Or put it behind the sun visor in their car, under their pillow, on the bathroom mirror, so that it’s the first thing they see in the morning or send a middle of the day text or email.

I don’t have any scientific studies on this but I’ll bet saying” I Love You” more often is also great for your lovers health…boosting their immune system and creating more feel-good hormones in their body.

If you come up with some fun and creative ways to say “I Love You,” please let me know and I will share them here in a future newsletter.

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle

P.S. If manifesting a soulmate is your priority, then I invite you to my last weekend workshop of the year at the breathtakingly beautiful Esalen the weekend of May 8-10. Details for both here: https://www.arielleford.com/events/

How to Have MORE, better SEX (at any age)

On my most recent episode of BIG LOVE PODCAST, my special guest is sexpert, Susan Bratton.

Known as the trusted hot sex advisor to millions,™  Susan is a walking, talking brain trust on everything from how to more, better sex at any age to how & why money impacts your sex life.

We had a blasting talking about:

Communication skills for discussing sex with your mate, even when you’ve been together for decades.

How to train your partner to be a great lover without insulting them.

Why men should never use antibacterial mouthwash (it causes erectile dysfunction!)

The newest and best sex toys for couples (some of these sound like so much fun!)

The Platinum Rule every couple should follow.

Why she adamantly opposes pornography.

The cutting edge lasers for vaginal and penis rejuvenation and so much more!

Susan is offering a terrific free gift to you called The Sexual Soulmate Pact at www.susanbratton.com/arielle.

And you can listen to us here

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

 Arielle

P.S. If manifesting a soulmate is your priority, then I invite you for the only two LIVE in person events I am doing this year.

I will be in Chicago at the Infinity Foundation for a one-day workshop on

Saturday, April 27th  and I will be teaching at the breathtakingly beautiful

Esalen the weekend of May 8-10. Details for both here: https://www.arielleford.com/events/

 

Be A LOVE Plusser (here’s how!)

I recently attended a creativity workshop taught by famed artist and animator, Dave Zoboski (link to www.TheAlchemyofCreativity.com ). He spent decades working as a Senior Animator at Disney, Sony and Warner Brothers.

We all were given colored pencils and a sketchpad while Dave’s model posed for us.  Most of us didn’t have any real artistic ability in this field, but we were encouraged to have fun and go for it.

After several minutes of sketching, he told us to stop and to put our pad on our chair and to move three seats to our left and then pick up the pad on that chair and begin sketching on someone else drawing.   The assignment was to see how we could improve upon what they had already begun.

Dave explained that in the animation field, the culture is such that you never criticize another artists’ work, but rather you become a “plusser” for them …someone who adds to and improves the work they have done so far.

I fell in love with this idea and began thinking about how wonderful it would be if we all declared ourselves “plussers” in love, and gave up being “judgy” thus committing ourselves to contributing to those around us in ways that are positive,  uplifting, and kind.

For whom will you be a love plusser?

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

 

Arielle

P.S. If manifesting a soulmate is your priority, then I invite you for the only two LIVE in person events I am doing this year.

I will be in Chicago at the Infinity Foundation for a one-day workshop on

Saturday, April 27th  and I will be teaching at the breathtakingly beautiful

Esalen the weekend of May 8-10. Details for both here: https://www.arielleford.com/events/

The Difference Between Manifestation and Magical Thinking

Magical Thinking is something children do naturally and it’s a fun process for them. Believing in Santa Claus is a good example. But when we grow up and mature, engaging in magical thinking will often lead to frustration and disappointment.

Magical Thinking is “wishing” to win the lottery but never buying a ticket.

Magical Thinking is “wishing” for a better job or a new career but never taking real action steps to make it happen.

Our great-niece, Grace.

Magical Thinking is saying you want to write a book but never sitting down to write.

Magical Thinking is hoping you will meet and marry your soulmate “organically,” or wishing and dreaming that one-click Amazon will deliver him or her to your doorstep.

Is it time for you to give up your Magical Thinking and put one of your dreams into action?

If you said yes, here’s a fast 3-step approach to get started.

#1 Make a commitment, for the next week to take 5 baby steps each day towards making your dream come true.

#2 Enroll a friend to be your accountability partner and make a plan to connect daily for that week so they can hold you to your word to do the 5 daily things.

#3 Take time each day to sit in nature and feel what it feels like to have accomplished manifesting your dream.

And, if manifesting a soulmate is your priority, then I invite you for the only two LIVE in person events I am doing this year.

I will be in Chicago at the Infinity Foundation for a one-day workshop on

Saturday, April 27th  and I will be teaching at the breathtakingly beautiful

Esalen the weekend of  May 8-10. Details for both here: https://www.arielleford.com/events/

 

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

 

Arielle

 

What Law & Order Taught Me About Love

One of my favorite TV series of the last 20 years is Law and Order. I avidly watch all of the various versions of the show and often fall asleep to re-runs! I’m always impressed with how the defense attorneys stand up for their unlikable clients, working hard to prove that one is “innocent until proven guilty.”

Recently Brian was admonishing me, for the millionth time, about leaving crumbs on the kitchen counter. This has been going on forever.
I just don’t see crumbs!

He told me (again) how the crumbs attract ants (also an ongoing issue).
My first reaction (as usual) was to get defensive thinking, “it’s just a few ants.”
But then I thought, what if I had to defend Brian’s reaction and really stand up for him and make a case for why he was right???

So, I put on my defense counselor hat and argued to myself, “well of course he doesn’t want to attract ants because he doesn’t want to kill anything, not even an ant!” (FYI, he regularly rescues little critters like when I find a Daddy Longlegs in the bathtub).
Arguing on his behalf I said to myself,
“Doesn’t it make sense to not cause any additional ants to come into the open where they will most certainly be killed?”

Verdict: he’s innocent.

I recommend you try this Law & Order approach the next time anyone triggers a negative reaction in you. The BIG exception to this is if they are doing something really bad, or illegal, or they are abusing you in anyway, or in active addiction, then this approach is not for you. (And remember this is why God invented trained professionals to help you work through the tough stuff.)

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle
P.S. Meet Me in Chicago or Big Sur, CA– I will be in Chicago at the Infinity Foundation for The Soulmate Secret LIVE workshop Saturday, April 27th and I will be teaching at the breathtakingly beautiful Esalen weekend of May 8-10. Details here: https://www.arielleford.com/events/

Before You React, Reflect!

This morning I came across a colleagues name and that reminded me that she had not responded to my last three emails, which were requests for assistance on something that she easily could have said no to.  I felt myself getting angry, and feeling dissed, and then my imagination began thinking up ways to trick her into responding just to prove that my emails were going through and she was purposely not responding.

Instead of doing something hurtful, I did some tapping, some breathing, and then I got the message below from my friend Madisyn Taylor of DailyOm.   This was exactly what I needed to be reminded of, just at the right moment, so thought I  would share it with all of you:

 “We have all had the experience of reacting in a way that was less than ideal upon hearing bad news, or being unfairly criticized, or being told something we did not want to hear. This makes sense because when our emotions are triggered, they tend to take center stage, inhibiting our ability to pause before we speak. We may feel compelled to release the tension by expressing ourselves in some way, whether it’s yelling back at the person yelling at us, or rushing to deliver words of comfort to a friend in trouble. However, there is much to be said for teaching ourselves to remember to pause and take a deep breath before we respond to the shocks and insults that can come our way in life.

For one thing, our initial response is not always what’s best for us, or for the other people involved. Reacting to childish rage with childish rage will only escalate the negativity in a situation, further ensnaring us in an undesirable dynamic. Similarly, when we react defensively, or simply thoughtlessly, we often end up feeling regret over our words or actions. In the end, we save ourselves a lot of pain when we take a deep breath and really tune in to ourselves, and the other person, before we respond. This doesn’t necessarily mean we don’t say anything, although in some cases, that may be the best option.

Some situations require a fairly immediate response, but even just a moment of grounding ourselves before we do so can help enormously. The next time you find yourself wanting to react, try to pause, and in that pause, take a deep breath. Feel your feet on the floor, the air on your skin, and listen for a response to arise within you, rather than just going with the first thing that pops into your head. You may find that in that moment, there is the potential to move beyond reaction and into the more subtle and creative realm of response, where something new can happen.”

If you would like more wisdom from Madisyn Taylor, know that she is a Billboard recording artist and international best-selling author and co-founder and editor-in-chief of the popular inspirational website www.DailyOM.com responsible for all its content. Her newest award-winning book from Simon & Schuster is: Unmedicated The Four Pillars of Natural Wellness which documents her journey through anxiety and depression and how she became whole again.

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

 Arielle

P.S. Meet Me in Chicago or Big Sur, CA– I will be in Chicago at the Infinity Foundation for The Soulmate Secret LIVE workshop Saturday, April 27th  and I will be teaching at the breathtakingly beautiful Esalen weekend of  May 8-10. Details here: https://www.arielleford.com/events/

Do Opposites Really Attract?

A few years ago I was at a gathering of personal growth experts and leaders. Many have names you would recognize. All would consider themselves “spiritual” people.

At dinner, I was seated next to a very handsome 50-something man who was the boyfriend of one of our members. Let’s call her Julie and call him John. Julie had been a divorcee for nearly two decades, and in spite of her best efforts to find love, wasn’t having any luck. She is a bit of a “perfectionist” and had a lengthy and detailed “must have” list that honestly sounded like the “male version of her.”

I asked John how they met. He lit up and told me they met at a charity Gala where they had randomly been seated next to each other and sparks flew.
I asked him what he loved about being with Jill: He explained he works as an orthopedic surgeon he also volunteers around the world with Doctors Without Borders. He is a really solid, loving guy who grew up in a happy home. When he met Jill he had never meditated, done yoga, or heard of Deepak Chopra or Jack Canfield.

One day Jill took him to hear Deepak speak about the mind-body connection and he was fascinated and wanted to learn more.
Watching how Jill leads her life with a positive attitude, he decided to try more of these things and he slowly began to align with Jill’s most important values. He saw how doing these things would alleviate stress and also how they could help his patients heal better and faster. Jill became a real gift in every area of his life. John brought love, devotion, security, and fun to Jill’s life.

The point of this story is that if Jill had insisted on finding a man who had done the things on her list such as extensive inner-work (which he didn’t really need because not everyone has gut-wrenching childhood wounds to recover from), and if she had demanded that her soulmate be a meditator, yogi and seeker, they would have never met. Fortunately for Jill, the Universe intervened and sent her what she really most needed (him too!).
Trying to “dictate to the Universe” isn’t always helpful.

While I do believe that you can specifically ask for what you most desire, I also believe that many people don’t first look to more important things such as “how do you most want to feel” with your soulmate and “what is your soul most calling for.”

If you are seeking to feel loved, cherished, adored, and supported with a devoted partner, the truth is there are many potential partners if you eliminate things that truly will not contribute to your long term happiness because meditation and yoga and working on yourself relentlessly are zero indication of someone’s actual values. (Just ask the women who are trying to indict Russell Simmons on sexual assault charges).

My belief is that there can be great attraction from opposites as long as there is also connection, compatibility, clear communication and a shared vision for the future with that person.

If you are single, and don’t want to be, GREAT NEWS, it’s never been easier than it is right now to find love. Discover how when you come to one of my LIVE events and let’s get you on the path to Big Love asap. https://www.arielleford.com/events/

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle

Dancing with Hope (So Love Can Have More Love)

You are in for a treat today. My friend, Dr. Gary Sayler, has written a game-changing book, Safe To Love Again How to Release the Pain of Past Relationships and Create the Love You Deserve. 

In this book he skillfully illuminates the origins of the blocks to love so many suffer with, whether its around finding love or keeping love. This magnificent work offers practical, healing solutions that will put you on the path to deep and lasting love.  Today. Dr. Sayler has written a special blog for us that shares a big piece of his wisdom:

“If it’s not one stunt, it’s another!” Amy exclaimed in a defeated tone. “Every time I turn around, I’m being ghosted or stood up. What’s up with these guys? Why do I have to meet someone new every two weeks? Since when did two months become a long term relationship?” Then Amy voiced the real heartbreak beneath the tears—“Maybe it’s just better not looking for love . . .” With a heavy sigh, she continued, “I’m just going through the motions when it comes to finding my dream man. I feel empty—like I’ve lost all of my passion. Living for my kids seems to be my only option when it comes to feeling loved.” So how do we find love when hope is gone?

Over the years, I’ve learned that clients must dance with hope if they’re going to waltz love into their lives. Nothing is more debilitating than feeling like we’re never going to be loved. Our generation is filled with people who no longer believe they can find love. Many don’t feel like they deserve love anymore. If they hope at all, they’re resigned to finding someone who won’t give them the deep connection they deserve. What’s the answer to such hopelessness?

We can take a big clue from Attachment Theory—the science of how brains are wired to love and be loved. There are three styles in which people typically create relationships; secure, anxious, or avoidant. Those with a secure love style feel really safe in a relationship. The anxious, however, are constantly worried that love will go away. These types constantly ask, “Do you still love me?” And last, but not least, avoidant people run from intimate, close relationships. You will know them as Mr. or Ms. Unavailable.

Most love styles are created by the time we’re a year old. Something told us as babies whether we were loved or not. Whatever tells a baby’s brain that someone loves them surely can’t be as complex as dating site algorithms suggest. A secure brain uses four key feelings to know when it’s loved. Moreover, these feelings remain your brain’s GPS for love for life. If your brain is using other feelings like unworthy or un-cherished, you change them at some point. Love doesn’t have to be as complex as we imagine.

It’s only when we don’t use our brain’s natural GPS for love that things get hopeless. One client, Rachel, described it like this—“I think love is impossible for me to find because I misread the signs. It’s like I’m distracted from seeing love the way it is. I get flooded by feelings like excitement or passion. It’s as if true love gets hidden behind all of my emotional clutter.” When you are uncluttered, these feelings tell your brain when it’s loved: Welcomed with Joy, Worthy and Nourished, Cherished and Protected, and Empowered with Choice. These are your original love GPS!

Welcomed with Joy happens when someone lights up in your presence. Your partner wakes up in the morning saying, “Good morning, Gorgeous!” At night, they’ll notice your mood and offer to hold you in their arms—just because you’re home again. You’re invited to share your feelings and your thoughts. This makes your relationship a cozy oyster, and your beloved a warm, comfy sanctuary for life. Welcome creates regular rituals of connection, like the kiss goodbye and the passionate caress when you get home. When you feel welcomed, your relationship feels warm and inviting.

Worthy and Nourished means it’s okay to reach out with your needs and to have them bountifully met. When you’re loved, you feel esteemed and deserving by your partner. This empowers you to ask for your needs to be met. What’s more, your beloved will actively notice your needs and keep track of your requests. Lasting love knows your patterns, preferences, and dreams in depth. You will feel special, heard, and felt.

You feel Cherished and Protected when your partner wants to fully support you. You get to be your best me in a mutually supportive We. There’s a feeling of freedom without any sense that you must go it alone. You’re emboldened to explore the outermost edges of who you were meant to be. Independence is not an end unto itself. There’s no thought that you must sacrifice your me to be a We. You feel celebrated, honored, valued, and sheltered by your partner. There’s a home port in your beloved’s heart for you. Notice, too, that there must be a We for couples to feel truly loved. Noticing if someone is capable of creating a deep partnership will make you feel wiser and safer.

Empowered with Choice is the fourth signpost. It’s okay to speak up and express your full self when you’re loved. There’s a sense of confidence that you can craft what you most want. You’re able to explore the possibilities of life and co-create an inner reality together. You get a say in things. You can be decisive because they share influence with you. Both partners get to have their wins in the relationship.

Imagine going into a date using these secure feelings as your new compass for love, rather than the list. Just because a date is a certain height or has a good career doesn’t mean you hit the jackpot. The lottery of love is always these four wonderful feelings that create real, lasting love. Once you become the master of noticing and creating the feelings of secure love, you’ll naturally pick better dates, get out of bad relationships sooner, and know the secret for keeping love strong. That’s the day hope becomes authentic and empowering.

This new way of attracting and keeping love—and actually creating real hope—I call Safe to Love Again. You can know deep in your heart that you’re both worthy and able to find the love you want—and keep it! When you experience that, you know there’s HOPE! Best of all, lasting love can waltz its way into your life sooner rather than never.

Anyone ready to dance with hope and find real love?

If you have trouble finding love or keeping love, this book, Safe to Love Again: How to Release the Pain of Past Relationships and Create the Love You Deserve, by Dr. Gary Sayler, is worth reading: BUY IT HERE!

 

Who’s The Man In Your Relationship?

I am a very “bottom-line” person. I speak my mind. I call it as I see it, without all that flowery talk. While this communication style may be very useful in the workplace, I discovered it’s not a quality most men find endearing or attractive.

One evening, when I was in my early thirties, I had been on a date with a man I found rather obnoxious, superficial and patronizing. Admittedly, it was a really bad date. Completely unintentionally, Dirk said something that changed my life:

“You are one tough and powerful woman and I’ll bet you scare the shit out of most men.”

At that moment, Dirk stopped the car in front of my apartment building and leaned over to kiss me goodnight. I dodged him, slipped out of the door and ran for home, hoping to never see him again.

His final words to me became an audio loop in my head, playing over and over again.

“You are one tough and powerful woman and I’ll bet you scare the shit out of most men.”

Oy. Big fat hairy oy!

Until that moment I had never, ever thought of myself as tough or powerful. But the thought wouldn’t leave my mind. What if Dirk was right? What if that was exactly how I was showing up? Speechless, I was too embarrassed to discuss this new revelation with anyone.

A few weeks later, a girlfriend invited me to a lecture by Dr. Pat Allen, a psychologist with a reputation for providing women with “strict dating rules” that would, if followed precisely, lead to commitment and marriage. That was the promise that got me in the door of the auditorium in Westwood near the UCLA campus. What kept me coming back was Dr. Pat’s wise and wonderous conversation about “masculine and feminine energies.” It turns out that I was living and playing full out with my masculine energy of being practical, assertive and results-oriented while my receptive, creative and soft feminine energies had been locked away, hiding out in a corner of my heart I had yet to access.

Dr. Pat explained that both men and women possess both masculine and feminine energy and that it is totally appropriate for a woman to be in her masculine while working. However, when she wants to be with a masculine man, she needs to access her feminine energy to create harmony and desire. Wow. Now I was beginning to understand what Dirk meant, but how in the world did I go from being “me,” the only “me” I knew, to some “feminine” version of me? Did I have to twist myself all around to please men? Or was there a side of me, like the unknown frontier, just dying to be expressed?

I was determined to find out.

For the next several months, Tuesday nights with Dr. Pat became my new-found religion as I began to wrap my mind and heart around allowing the feminine in me to emerge. I have to admit it didn’t come easily. My default position to take control and make things happen didn’t want to “surrender” at the end of the workday and yet I knew that a big piece of my key to happiness was inextricably tied to the ability to surrender to that feminine energy that would complement a man’s. More than anything, I knew I had to learn to love through my deeper, receptive, feminine divine self.

I took up belly-dancing. What could possibly be more rooted in femininity and my own sensuality than that? Soon I could roll my hips and shake and shimmy my booty with the best of them, all the while still making demands and providing my opinions to the men in my life. The path to my inner Goddess seemed to be eluding me, but I felt no pressure to allow Her to emerge immediately. Because I wasn’t seriously involved with anyone at the time, I slowly stopped thinking about the “tough and powerful Arielle who scared men.”

Learning to access my feminine energies was a big leap and I believe also cleared the path for me to manifest my soulmate, Brian.

After we got married, we started a business together and I quickly discovered one thing that he used to do that just made me crazy. He always wanted to talk shop during dinner. The wanna-be Goddess in me had figured out that in order to embrace and exude my feminine energy, I needed to “drop” my masculine energy at the end of the workday. I created a soothing transition to create this transformation. After coming home from work, I would practice my belly-dancing before soaking in a long hot, aroma-infused bubble bath. Then I would put on a little make-up and a dress and we would go out for dinner. (For years, we ate out nearly every night). Often somewhere between soup and dessert Brian would begin discussing one of the books we were selling or negotiating. Generally, the conversation went like this:

Brian: I think the publisher’s offer for John’s next book will end up being close to $150,000, but they’re asking for world rights.

Arielle: That’s great, can we talk about it tomorrow when we are in the office?

Brian: Why? We’re here now and this is fun!

Arielle: Yes, it’s fun, but I really want to be done working for the day and I don’t want to put my brain into work mode.

And, often we would end up having a business conversation because it was easier than trying to explain something that I just couldn’t quite language in a way that Brian could hear. With each dinner conversation that turned to business, the knot in my stomach tightened and I prayed for guidance on how to explain to my super-cool new husband that my inner Goddess was starving for equal time.

After reading a few books and taking a workshop, we learned that to have a healthy relationship, we each can and should express both our masculine and feminine energies, depending on the situation. Outside of the workplace, Brian’s preferred expression is masculine and mine is feminine. Brian came to realize that his desire to talk shop at dinner came from his years in the development business, spending long nights with his partners hashing and re-hashing the finer points of a deal. That was fun for him. He quickly saw the value in nurturing and encouraging my expression of my feminine radiance and was quite willing to give up “shop talk” after hours. Since then, we have both benefited greatly from our choices…if you know what I mean!

So, ladies, look and see if you need to find a way to transition from your masculine workplace mode into feminine mode, and gentleman, be sure to encourage your women to be their most feminine selves with you so you can enjoy your own masculine mode.

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

 Arielle

Are You OPEN to Magic & Miracles?

Here’s what I love most about the Law of Attraction: it works!
And nearly every day, since 1984, I have more and more proof that it
works.

Now I know many of you have lots of proof that it hasn’t worked for you in the past and that is no reason to give up on it.
It’s a delicate process that takes time to master and has “laws” that take time to understand…especially the one about Divine Timing which can be the most frustrating because you can’t have what you want as fast as you say you want it.
There are many ways we approach manifesting a desire.

Some of us take the “if it’s meant to be it will just happen” approach.
Others take charge and go into “make it happen” mode.
I believe that it’s a combination of the two that is the winning ticket.
I believe that manifesting your desire has a certain amount of ” meant-to-be-ness to it… AND it requires a big dose of “make-it-happen-ness.”
Practicing intention, surrender, focus, and detachment coupled with trust, belief, knowingness, and patience is the recipe for success.
And I realize that this is a paradox….

How does one be both intentional and surrendered?
When I am being intentional, I have a clear feeling and picture of what my desire is AND I also am detached from the outcome.
I know and trust that life will continue to be great whether or not my desire is fulfilled.
I surrender to divine timing and to destiny (knowing this or something better is on the way) and my happiness and wellbeing isn’t dependent on having my wishes granted.

This is a daily “conscious” practice that requires emotional maturity and awareness.
It’s worth the effort to master this practice as it will give you freedom to be “with what is” while manifesting your deepest desires!
If you are willing to give a little time, energy, intention and attention to your desires (and many of you already have, but maybe make time for just a little bit more), they will be yours!

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle