It’s OK to go to bed angry

I’ve just returned from a fabulous five-day visit to Rancho La Puerta in Tecate, Mexico where I attended a meeting of the Transformational Leadership Council with about 100 friends. We spent our days hiking, exercising, having spa treatments, eating healthy organic food and listening to presentations from some amazing experts in the personal growth field.

One of our speakers, Dr. Pepper Schwartz, author of Snap Strategies for Couples: 40 Fast Fixes for Everyday Relationship Pitfalls, shared some really useful relationship tips including her belief about the old myth “couples should never go to bed angry.”

Now this probably sounds counter intuitive, but Pepper says that fighting when we are exhausted and tired can (and often does) lead to what she calls “escalating.” This is when you say extreme things and make decisions that can ultimately destroy your relationship. She says it’s better to go to bed mad, get a good night’s sleep and revisit the issue the next day when you are both rested and thinking more clearly.

Pepper is a well-known and highly respected Professor of Sociology at the University of Washington, where she teaches classes on human sexuality and intimate relationships and she is also the author of 22 books.

One of the other “myths” she busted for couples is the honesty is the best policy one. She believes that “confessions” are for criminals and priests and that complete honesty is both cruel and destructive. If you have done something that you feel must be “confessed” she recommends doing it with a professional.

One of the most important components of a long and happy relationship is kindness. While this may seem obvious, it’s the daily practice of kindness that must be remembered. Before the words leave your mouth, ask yourself, “Is what I am about to say true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?”

Why?

Because once you say something, it can never be “unsaid.”

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle