Tag Archives: self-worth

Who’s The Man In Your Relationship?

Posted by Feb 26, 2019 , , , , , , Leave a Comment

I am a very “bottom-line” person. I speak my mind. I call it as I see it, without all that flowery talk. While this communication style may be very useful in the workplace, I discovered it’s not a quality most men find endearing or attractive.

One evening, when I was in my early thirties, I had been on a date with a man I found rather obnoxious, superficial and patronizing. Admittedly, it was a really bad date. Completely unintentionally, Dirk said something that changed my life:

“You are one tough and powerful woman and I’ll bet you scare the shit out of most men.”

At that moment, Dirk stopped the car in front of my apartment building and leaned over to kiss me goodnight. I dodged him, slipped out of the door and ran for home, hoping to never see him again.

His final words to me became an audio loop in my head, playing over and over again.

“You are one tough and powerful woman and I’ll bet you scare the shit out of most men.”

Oy. Big fat hairy oy!

Until that moment I had never, ever thought of myself as tough or powerful. But the thought wouldn’t leave my mind. What if Dirk was right? What if that was exactly how I was showing up? Speechless, I was too embarrassed to discuss this new revelation with anyone.

A few weeks later, a girlfriend invited me to a lecture by Dr. Pat Allen, a psychologist with a reputation for providing women with “strict dating rules” that would, if followed precisely, lead to commitment and marriage. That was the promise that got me in the door of the auditorium in Westwood near the UCLA campus. What kept me coming back was Dr. Pat’s wise and wonderous conversation about “masculine and feminine energies.” It turns out that I was living and playing full out with my masculine energy of being practical, assertive and results-oriented while my receptive, creative and soft feminine energies had been locked away, hiding out in a corner of my heart I had yet to access.

Dr. Pat explained that both men and women possess both masculine and feminine energy and that it is totally appropriate for a woman to be in her masculine while working. However, when she wants to be with a masculine man, she needs to access her feminine energy to create harmony and desire. Wow. Now I was beginning to understand what Dirk meant, but how in the world did I go from being “me,” the only “me” I knew, to some “feminine” version of me? Did I have to twist myself all around to please men? Or was there a side of me, like the unknown frontier, just dying to be expressed?

I was determined to find out.

For the next several months, Tuesday nights with Dr. Pat became my new-found religion as I began to wrap my mind and heart around allowing the feminine in me to emerge. I have to admit it didn’t come easily. My default position to take control and make things happen didn’t want to “surrender” at the end of the workday and yet I knew that a big piece of my key to happiness was inextricably tied to the ability to surrender to that feminine energy that would complement a man’s. More than anything, I knew I had to learn to love through my deeper, receptive, feminine divine self.

I took up belly-dancing. What could possibly be more rooted in femininity and my own sensuality than that? Soon I could roll my hips and shake and shimmy my booty with the best of them, all the while still making demands and providing my opinions to the men in my life. The path to my inner Goddess seemed to be eluding me, but I felt no pressure to allow Her to emerge immediately. Because I wasn’t seriously involved with anyone at the time, I slowly stopped thinking about the “tough and powerful Arielle who scared men.”

Learning to access my feminine energies was a big leap and I believe also cleared the path for me to manifest my soulmate, Brian.

After we got married, we started a business together and I quickly discovered one thing that he used to do that just made me crazy. He always wanted to talk shop during dinner. The wanna-be Goddess in me had figured out that in order to embrace and exude my feminine energy, I needed to “drop” my masculine energy at the end of the workday. I created a soothing transition to create this transformation. After coming home from work, I would practice my belly-dancing before soaking in a long hot, aroma-infused bubble bath. Then I would put on a little make-up and a dress and we would go out for dinner. (For years, we ate out nearly every night). Often somewhere between soup and dessert Brian would begin discussing one of the books we were selling or negotiating. Generally, the conversation went like this:

Brian: I think the publisher’s offer for John’s next book will end up being close to $150,000, but they’re asking for world rights.

Arielle: That’s great, can we talk about it tomorrow when we are in the office?

Brian: Why? We’re here now and this is fun!

Arielle: Yes, it’s fun, but I really want to be done working for the day and I don’t want to put my brain into work mode.

And, often we would end up having a business conversation because it was easier than trying to explain something that I just couldn’t quite language in a way that Brian could hear. With each dinner conversation that turned to business, the knot in my stomach tightened and I prayed for guidance on how to explain to my super-cool new husband that my inner Goddess was starving for equal time.

After reading a few books and taking a workshop, we learned that to have a healthy relationship, we each can and should express both our masculine and feminine energies, depending on the situation. Outside of the workplace, Brian’s preferred expression is masculine and mine is feminine. Brian came to realize that his desire to talk shop at dinner came from his years in the development business, spending long nights with his partners hashing and re-hashing the finer points of a deal. That was fun for him. He quickly saw the value in nurturing and encouraging my expression of my feminine radiance and was quite willing to give up “shop talk” after hours. Since then, we have both benefited greatly from our choices…if you know what I mean!

So, ladies, look and see if you need to find a way to transition from your masculine workplace mode into feminine mode, and gentleman, be sure to encourage your women to be their most feminine selves with you so you can enjoy your own masculine mode.

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

 Arielle

3 Beliefs That Men Find Irresistible In a Woman

Posted by Dec 11, 2018 , , , , , Leave a Comment

In this day and age of digital dating and limitless options to meet people, it can feel impossible to stand out from the crowd.

YOU are a unique, amazing individual and when you own this fact and learn how to radiate your best qualities, you are sure to separate yourself from the rest.

Many women don’t realize that it’s not the surface-level things that make a man incredibly attracted to you, but rather the beliefs you possess about life, your attitude about yourself, and the fun, authentic self-confidence that comes from a place of true self-love.

There are three beliefs in particular that men find irresistible and are sure to not only set you apart from other women but will aid you in attracting a genuine, connected relationship.

#1 Belief of an Irresistible Woman – “I am worthy of great love”

A woman who owns her worth and believes she deserves respect and authentic love is incredibly attractive to a man.

When a woman does not believe herself to be “enough” (pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, etc.) she sends out a subconscious signal that lowers a man’s perception of her and deflates his attraction.

Rather, the woman who believes she IS worthy of a great love radiates a vibrancy of high value and self-respect, and this makes a man want to rise to the challenge of being good-enough to win her heart.

Now I know owning your true worth might feel difficult at times, and to help you tune in to and tune-up your self-love, my amazing friend and dating expert, Mat Boggs, has created a Self-Love Activation Kit as a gift from me to you.

Download your free kit here to kick that inner self-critic to the curb and feel a deeper self-love than ever before.

#2 Belief of an Irresistible Woman – “Love can be easy”

This is important! It can hard to remain optimistic when date after date has been a dead-end.

But when you focus your mind on the belief that love can be easy, it puts you in a relaxed, fun, best-self state-of-being — a state where you’re not trying too hard or sabotaging yourself, but rather enjoying moments of connection and letting the love flow into your life with ease.

#3 Belief of an Irresistible Woman – “The best is yet to come”

Finally, the third belief of an irresistible woman is not about where they’ve been or there struggles of the past.

Instead, it’s about where they are going, the knowing that there is more adventure and love out there, and their willingness to seize each moment and day with a zeal for life.

When you believe that there’s more fun to be had, you’re infectious and fun to be around, and a man will find that incredibly attractive.

Now, **WARNING** these three beliefs will not only aid you in living a life filled with love, adventure, and connection…

But might bring your man into your life sooner than you thought!

Because there’s nothing that stands out more than a woman who embraces her unique qualities and limitless potential…

And has a BLAST doing it.

Don’t forget to grab your free copy of the Self-Love Activation Kit so you can align with the vibration of love even more and start living the life you’ve always dreamed of.

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle

The Importance of Beauty

Posted by Nov 6, 2018 , , , , Leave a Comment

More than 30 years ago, a new friend invited me to her apartment for a visit.  As we sat in her cozy living room, she served me tea in a delicate china cup that was placed on a beautiful mahogany tray that held a tiny silver teaspoon, a small plate of petit fours, a shiny silver vase holding one perfectly shaped pink rose, and a white lace trimmed cloth napkin. I felt like I was having high tea with royalty!

I told her she shouldn’t have gone to all the trouble as I would have been just as happy with a mug of tea and a paper napkin. She smiled sweetly and said to me, “Darling, this is how I serve myself tea every day.” This elegant woman then explained to me that life is short and that we must insist on having as much beauty as possible in our lives, in every way possible.  

When I left her home I immediately went to Bed, Bath and Beyond and bought myself two trays, six linen napkins, two small matching vases to begin living beautifully myself. (Fortunately, I already had some inherited china teacups.) Since that day, when at home, I rarely use paper napkins.

A few years later I became friends with another woman, who worked mostly from home.  Whenever I would visit her, she was always meticulously turned out: hair, makeup, clothing, and jewelry to match. I asked her why she went to so much trouble since most days she never saw anyone else. She explained to me that she considered herself a work of art and each day she reveled in putting herself together as colorfully and stylishly as possible.

As someone who works from home, most days I am in my yoga pants, hair in a ponytail and makeup-free unless I have a Skype or Zoom interview, but at least a few days a week I make an effort to consider myself a work of art and invest a little more time into my appearance.

In Italy, one of my favorite place on earth, they actually have a lifestyle describing this, it’s called ‘bella figura’ and it basically means making every area of your life as beautiful as it can be.

I would love to know how you add more beauty to your life!

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle

Is Self Love A Prerequisite To Soulmate Love?

Posted by Dec 19, 2017 , , , , Leave a Comment

Self-love seems to be the hot topic in the personal growth movement these days and when it comes to finding soulmate love, there are a lot of myths that until you love yourself first, you won’t be able to get anyone else to love you.  Can this really be true?

My experience has been that most women (at least in the Northern hemisphere) live with a negative, critical voice in their heads that is often filled with ugly, shaming thoughts, self-doubt, and brings with it feelings of never being “good enough.”

And, I began to wonder, do you really have to eliminate that persistent voice in order to find true love?

Do we really need to be 100% in love with ourselves to experience Big Love?

I don’t think so.

What is required is to learn how to “talk back” to that voice and create strategies to love yourself more and better.  This includes a big dose of self-awareness so that when the “voice surfaces” you kick its butt!

For instance, you walk past a mirror and immediately react by thinking “God, you look like a total piece of $#it today.” Immediately stop. Walk back to the mirror, give yourself a big smile and blow yourself a kiss and say something warm and loving to your reflection.  This is called self-care and self-soothing.  Over time, you can change your habitual negative thinking by in-putting loving and uplifting thoughts and beliefs about yourself. And, please, never forget that just because you have a thought does not make it true!

Now, as for soulmate love, one of the greatest, most awesome things about living your life with your soulmate, is that you begin to heal each other in unimaginable ways. When you spend time with someone who loves all of you – the good, the bad and the ugly – you begin to love yourself even more.

So many women are “waiting“ to actively seek their soulmate because they feel stuck in how they feel about themselves.  This is a very selfish thing to do.

Why?  Because, just as you desire to spend your life with your soulmate, they are also seeking you.  And if you are holed up at home, on the couch, watching the Kardashians or the Property Brothers, they can’t find you!

Now, while learning to love yourself a little bit more and more, it’s also important to know that once you do manifest the love of your life, you teach them how to treat you by the way they witness how you treat yourself.  I learned this from my husband Brian. Once we got married and began living together, I noticed how he always prioritized his health and well-being.  At first, I made up stories about how selfish he was because he wasn’t always flexible about the time he took to meditate and exercise.  When I finally asked him about it his response floored me.  He explained that by sticking to his personal care schedule, he was able to fill himself up so that the rest of the day he had more love and more energy to give to me and the rest of the world.

Wow.  What an insight that was for me.  I soon began to follow in his footsteps.

Self-love is important and please know that if your soul is calling for a soulmate, the voice in your head shouldn’t be a barrier to love.

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle

Do You Feel Worthy of Love?

Posted by Aug 2, 2016 , , , , Leave a Comment

Have you noticed that, when you are feeling good about yourself, you naturally attract great people? Not just potential partners, but wonderful, interesting people.

Until we feel truly worthy – deep inside – of the love we desire, we won’t feel worthy of love on the outside. And when we aren’t revealing the truth about ourselves, that we ARE worthy of love, we develop patterns that prevent us from having the loving relationship we want and need. And when we do find a good relationship, we find ways to sabotage ourselves. Why would anybody do that

The pain caused by repeating these patterns is almost unbearable. And each “repeat” experience makes us feel less and less worthy of not only the love we deserve, but the abundant life we deserve.

_J7U3611rI’m so excited that my friend Nancy Levin has written a new book that digs into the roots and weeds out the old patterns that cause us so much suffering… opening us to receive the love and life the universe has in store for us.

Here is a taste of Nancy’s wonderful new book, Worthy: Boost Your Self-Worth to Grow Your Net Worth

When I use the term “net worth,” I really mean the degree of richness, juiciness, and fulfillment you have in all areas of your life, not just your bank account. Do you feel rich in your relationships? Do you have a wealth of activities you enjoy?

When we fear that we aren’t enough, or that we aren’t good enough, we also fear that we’ll never have enough. That fear is a self-fulfilling prophecy, in which we unconsciously make sure we never, ever have all that we need. It’s a painful arithmetic going on in the shadows of our unconscious, which many of us never even recognize.

Until we feel worthy – deep inside – of the great life we desire, we develop sabotaging patterns that prevent us from having the love, money, time, energy, health, joy, freedom we want and need. These habits are tenacious because they’re created by limiting, shadow beliefs that took hold in childhood, like “I’m not good enough” or “I’m not lovable” or “There’s something wrong with me.” At the foundation of all these beliefs is “I’m not worthy.” The belief of unworthiness drives our behaviors in all sorts of ways. The mash-up of money, love, and self-worth issues starts early – and that’s why we have to start by uncovering those old worth issues from childhood. If we don’t unwind the tangle of emotions and beliefs and fears that got encoded back then, we’ll stay stuck right where we are.

Here’s an exercise you can do right now to begin untangling and to reinforce the rewiring around your inherent worthiness!  Spend a few minutes with each question before writing anything down.

  • Ask yourself: “What’s the loudest message I’m receiving now about love?” Just listen for the message. Allow yourself to remember when you first heard that message. Do you know whose voice gave you that message? Write down a few notes about what you heard and remembered.
  • Ask yourself: “What is my first memory about love?” Allow any pictures to come to you. Maybe it’s the first time you understood there was a thing called “love.” Write a few notes about this first memory.
  • Ask now to remember a scene in which your parents/family related to love in some way with you, with each other. Write down what you remember.
  • Now go through the notes you took and identify what beliefs you think you developed as a result of what you remember.  Write them down.
  • Pick one belief to work with here and let yourself see a time you experienced a counter-example to that one belief. Come up with a time in your life when that one belief was proven untrue. Make some notes.
  • Now allow yourself to create a new positive, empowering belief to replace the old one. Write it down. Write it on your mirror in lipstick or dry erase marker. Put it on a sticky note on your laptop. Have an alarm go off on your phone several times a day and read it.

Once we’ve healed our internal wounds around worth, and we finally know we deserve all we desire, we open up to receiving the limitless love the universe has in store for us.

_worthyNancy will take you on a deep-dive into knowing and owning your worth that will forever expand what you believe you’re capable of! With Nancy’s gentle but firm guidance, you’ll do the internal work needed to replace feelings of unworthiness with a solid sense of your own value.

And the benefits will feed your heart. When you claim your worth and take back your power – financial and otherwise – get ready to watch amazing things start to happen! Everything you desire is within reach!

Get Nancy’s new book, Worthy: Boost Your Self-Worth to Grow Your Net Worth, today and you’ll also receive 5 exclusive bonus gifts that she created just for you!

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle

P.S. If your heart’s desire is to manifest the love of your life, and you are willing to dedicate your time, attention and intention to making it happen, then I invite you to join me August 19-21 at the beautiful Omega Institute to discover how to quickly and easily make it happen! (This is the only time this year I am offering this weekend workshop.)