Are You a Good Lover?

Being a great lover is more than mastering the Kama Sutra. On the deepest level it’s not so much about sex, it’s about leading (and loving) with an open, generous, and flexible heart.

As much as most of us resist change, we must accept that we change, our partners change, and circumstances change.

“To love someone long-term is to attend a thousand funerals of the people they used to be. The people they’re too exhausted to be any longer. The people they grew out of, the people they never ended up growing into. We so badly want the people we love to get their spark back when it burns out, to become speedily found when they are lost. But it is not our job to hold anyone accountable to the people they used to be. It is our job to travel with them between each version and to honor what emerges along the way. Sometimes it will be an even more luminescent flame. Sometimes it will be a flicker that temporarily floods the room with a perfect and necessary darkness.”

– Author Heidi Priebe

We all want to be loved and accepted for who we are.

We want to be loved on our good days and our bad.

We want to feel emotionally and physically safe with our partners.

So, let’s BE that which we say we most desire. Let’s be great lovers.

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle

Raise Your Love Frequency to Manifest Your Soulmate

Love has also been described as an intangible connection between two people that feels exceptionally good and yet, the word and experience of love, cannot be easily defined.

There is wild, crazy “being in love,” and there is the love of a child, friends, family, pets, co-workers, neighbors, community, etc. Then there is “divine love” and connection to God, Goddess or whatever higher power you subscribe to. I think we can all agree that having and being love is a good thing.The entire Universe is made up of energy and we impact this energy field with our thoughts, feelings, emotions, beliefs and actions. All of us our vibrating, all the time, at various frequencies.

When we are in fear, self-doubt, judgment or anger, we are vibrating at a low frequency. When we are focused on love, inspiration, doing good for others, we are vibrating at a higher frequency…. the frequency of love.

Think of yourself as a radio tuner with many stations. Do you want to stay tuned into the FEAR channel of the BLISS channel? You have the power to change channels at any time and it requires that you stay aware of your thoughts, feelings and emotions and rise up to the challenge of being an emotionally mature adult and turn the dial from the negative channel to the happy channel.

Many of you have heard the saying, what you put your attention on grows. When your attention is on love, you magnetize even more love. Conversely, when your attention is on not having love, or you are focused on how lonely you are, or any area of lack, you inadvertently draw this experience to you, and you are actually repelling that which you desire.

One of the fastest ways to raise your love frequency is by doing a very simple daily practice. First, make a list of all the people that you love that you know also love you. Then each day, look at this list and as you do put your attention on your heart as you allow yourself to feel the love you have for each person and from your heart send them a wave of love.

By spending a few minutes each day filling yourself with the experience of love and cosmically sharing that love, you not only raise your love frequency but also make your heart magnetic to more love. When you are consciously tune into the higher love frequencies you not only become magnetic to love you also radiate your essence and become much more attractive.

Another big benefit comes from the scientific research from the Institute of Heartmath which has proven that when you are focused on feelings of love, appreciation and gratitude you boost your immune system for up to 8 hours which means you will be healthier and happier!

Additional sure-fire ways to raise your love frequency:

  • Be kind to yourself and others
  • Fill yourself with feelings of love, appreciation and gratitude.
  • Practice forgiveness.
  • Practice receiving.
  • Practice knowing and trusting that you’re co-creating with the Universe; and remember that if you have a desire, the desire is proof for the seeds for its fulfillment.

If your deepest desire is to manifest a soulmate so that you can spend the rest of your life with someone who is your lover, playmate, best friend and safe place to land….

One last thought: Deepak Chopra says that if you have the desire for something that in itself is proof of its potential! Just as you are seeking your soulmate, he or she is also seeking you… discover how to remove your blocks to love and become visible to your beloved.

The entire Universe is made up of energy and we impact this energy field with our thoughts, feelings, emotions, beliefs and actions. All of us our vibrating, all the time, at various frequencies. When we are in fear, self-doubt, judgment or anger, we are vibrating at a low frequency. When we are focused on love, inspiration, doing good for others, we are vibrating at a higher frequency…. the frequency of love.

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle

The New SINGLE Reframe: Be a Solo

Life is changing faster than ever, and this includes the world of partnership.

Do you desire a traditional, legal marriage to raise children together?

Do you wish to remain single but in a committed relationship?

Do you want to share your life with your BFF from grade school, sans sex and romance, and raise kids while you both can still date others for fun?

Or, how about never using the word single again and just embrace the adventurous world of being a solo?

Baby, you’ve got options!

In the United States of America, nearly 50% of adults (which is well over 125 million people) are single. Now there is a new movement to change the stigma of not having a romantic partner to being a part of the solo community – where the unpartnered are embracing life and feeling empowered. The solo movement celebrates single life and rewrites the misconception that “singles are sad and lonely.”

Peter McGraw, is a 51-year-old behavioral economist, podcaster, soon to be author, and the creator of an online community known as the “solo” movement.

What is the “solo” movement?

This movement aims to enforce the notion that people can find happiness and fulfillment outside of marriage. Whether they’re divorced, widowed, casually dating or are unattached, there are many benefits that a person can experience while being on their own. However, McGraw says that there’s a very big difference to being single and being “solo.” He also notes that the “solo” movement is not anti-marriage.

Although McGraw says that a single person can sometimes feel “embarrassed” and “incomplete” with where they are in their lives, he notes that “a solo person feels proud of where they are in their life. They don’t feel less than in any way.”

On his website, he adds that solos are also “adventurous” people who live life on the “edge and embrace re-invention,” which can be refreshing since society creates ” norms that push people to partnerships, whether it’s good for them or not.

Studies show that single people exercise more, have more friends and are more likely to volunteer in their communities than married folks.

One study compared 10,000 women in their 70s and found that those who never married were physically healthier, less stressed and more optimistic than those who’d decided to take sacred vows.

And get this: it’s projected that 1 in 4 millennials will never get married.

Another new variation on partnerships I read about is called the Platonic Partnership where two people, of any gender, join together for a deep platonic love, that doesn’t include romance or sex, but is a commitment to each other, like marriage, to build a life together.

This includes things that “typically married couples would do” like starting a family and having a joint bank account to achieve their goals of buying a house and more.

Cyndi Darnell, a certified clinical sexologist, therapist, and couple’s counselor, says platonic partnerships can “absolutely” be as successful as a traditional marriage, because “partnership is based on shared values.”

“If you want to create a partnership based on values that are meaningful to you as individuals, I actually think that that’s a better model than the notion of romance, which we know is fickle,” she says. “To rely on something as unreliable as romance for a contract as heavy as co-parenting and marriage seems to be why these things seem to be diametrically opposed on some level.”

Historically, marriage also hasn’t been about love, she points out.

“When we think about the origins of marriage, it was never about love. And it was certainly never about romance. It was about asset management,” says Darnell.

While “asset management” is about as unromantic and unsexy a term as I can think of, when it comes to partnership, this makes sense, given that the #1 cause of divorce is related to money. (Whatever kind of partnership you yearn for, always make sure you choose someone who is “financially responsible.”)

We humans are social creatures and tend to be happiest when we have someone(s) to share our life with. Someone to be a witness to our life. Someone who will love and support us on our good days and especially on our bad days.

Whatever type of partnership you choose to have, remember these wise words from Sam Keen:

“We come to love not to find a perfect person, but to learn to love an imperfect person perfectly.”

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle

p.s. Thanks to Sara Moniuszko of USA Today for her informative reporting.

The Truth About Mother

In a mother’s womb were two babies. One asked the other:

“Do you believe in life after delivery?

”The other replied, “Why, of course. There has to be something after delivery. Maybe we are here to prepare ourselves for what we will be later.”

“Nonsense,” said the first. “There is no life after delivery. What kind of life would that be?”

The second said, “I don’t know, but there will be more light than here. Maybe we will walk with our legs and eat from our mouths. Maybe we will have other senses that we can’t understand now.”

The first replied, “That is absurd. Walking is impossible. And eating with our mouths? Ridiculous! The umbilical cord supplies nutrition and everything we need. But the umbilical cord is so short. Life after delivery is to be logically excluded.”

The second insisted, “Well I think there is something and maybe it’s different than it is here. Maybe we won’t need this physical cord anymore.”

The first replied, “Nonsense. And moreover, if there is life, then why has no one ever come back from there? Delivery is the end of life, and in the after-delivery, there is nothing but darkness and silence and oblivion. It takes us nowhere.”

“Well, I don’t know,” said the second, “but certainly we will meet Mother and she will take care of us.”

The first replied “Mother? You actually believe in Mother? That’s laughable. If Mother exists then where is She now?”

The second said, “She is all around us. We are surrounded by her. We are of Her. It is in Her that we live. Without Her, this world would not and could not exist.”

Said the first: “Well I don’t see Her, so it is only logical that She doesn’t exist.”

To which the second replied, “Sometimes, when you’re in silence and you focus and listen, you can perceive Her presence, and you can hear Her loving voice, calling down from above.”

Maybe this was one of the best explanations of the concept of GOD. ~anonymous

Blessings,

Arielle

Are They Your Soulmate?

Happily. Ever. After.

These are the three most dangerous words for women in love.

Even the smartest women fall into a love trance thinking that now that they have found their soulmate, the love of their life, he/she will naturally know how to make them happy, satisfied and content.

Sure, you’ve heard that relationships take work, and yet you believe that your “soulmate love” will be effortless.

You’ve found a love that is rare and precious, an unimaginable love.

A love that will conquer everything.

And then a year, or ten, or twenty later you may find yourself restless, or worse, angry, frustrated, disappointed and ready to give up and head for divorce court.

One of the most common questions I am asked is:

“How do I know if he/she is my soulmate?”

It’s a great question because there are so many myths and misconceptions about this one word.

I believe a soul mate is someone we feel a deep and profound connection to. Someone with whom we can completely be ourselves with. Someone that we love unconditionally and they love us unconditionally.

A soulmate is someone who will often be our greatest teacher, our greatest source of growth.

So, how do I know if he/she is my soulmate?

First and foremost, you feel emotionally and physically safe with them. You love each other in spite of all the inherent quirkiness.

When you are with your soulmate you feel that you are becoming a better person, a better version of “you.”

And, while all relationships go through rocky periods, when you believe he/she is your soulmate, you are willing to work through issues.

It’s important to understand that your soulmate not only knows how to push all your buttons, on an unconscious level it’s part of the reason you’ve chosen them as it provides a unique opportunity for growth.

(If the majority of what you feel with your lover is hot, hot chemistry, but not much else, this isn’t a soulmate connection, it’s lust, which only lasts for so long, at most two years.)

As you go through the dating process, remember that modern day society has conditioned us to look for and seek perfection, and we all know that perfection is not possible.

In choosing a lifetime partner, look for someone with whom you share unconditional love, along with connection, compatibility, good communication, chemistry, and most importantly, a shared vision for the future.

Ultimately, successful soulmate love is all about this:

“We come to love not to find a perfect person but to learn to love an imperfect person perfectly.” ~Sam Keen

Wishing you love, laughter, and a magical New Year,

Arielle

p.s. For more on this topic read Turn Your Mate into Your Soulmate in which there are 16 steps to guide you into passion, connection and a lifetime of soulmate love.

Powerful New Year’s Eve Release and Manifestation Ritual

My dear friend and Goddess expert, Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway, has graciously shared this very powerful, sacred ritual with us to release 2021 and welcome in 2022.

In this three-part end-of-year ritual, you will have a chance to express gratitude, release the old, and call in your true desires for 2022. It is best to read this in advance and prepare by gathering the items listed. Feel free to adapt this to do with a buddy or partner.

Tools: Paper, one new pen, one old pen, shredder or burning pot, bell, or chime, three candles to represent the past, present, and future, lighter, music, and something sweet to drink.

To begin: Center yourself. Feel your feet grounded on the earth and imagine your soul is connected to the stars above. Gently call in the spirits of all four directions, as well as the spirits of above, below, and within. Say a prayer for protection, using whatever divine name feels comfortable, such as: Mother, Father, or Divine Source of All there is, please fill this place with your sacred presence and surround me with your love and protection.

Part One: Honor the Good
Light the first candle to honor the past year. Play music that uplifts you. As much as 2021 challenged us, there is always good to be found. Think of at least five things you are thankful for. Ring your bell three times in appreciation.

Part Two: Release Disappointment
Light the second candle to bring light to this moment. Play music that helps you connect to the energy of releasing. Take the older pen in hand and hold it to your heart as you allow yourself to remember the difficulties of this year. Allow tears to flow and when you are ready, take your pen to paper and start letting go of the past disappointments and distress of the year by writing them down. When you feel you have released as much as you can, write a note to your Divine Source, at the top of the paper, and thank the divine for taking all of your concerns.

As the final step, rip them up, put them in a shredder, or burn them, if you can do so safely in a burning pot or fire pit, and say: I release this and thank the Divine Source of All There Is for taking all that I no longer need. Please transmute my pain and disappointments and bring me the healing I need for the New Year.

Then throw the older pen into the recycling bin. Wash your hands before going on to the final part of the ritual, and imagine you are washing away the worst parts of 2021 and allowing them to go down the drain. Ring your bell three times to ring out the old.

Part Three: Call in Your True Desires
Play music that inspires your heart and soul, and sway until you feel alive and filled with love. Get a fresh piece of paper and your new pen. Light the third candle to bring new light to the future and let that future begin right now by creating a list of your true desires for the New Year. This is not a resolution list. It is a list of things that will bring you joy, wellness, relationship happiness, spiritual growth, and work-related pleasure ― and anything else your heart desires. Putting it on paper makes it more tangible.

Write everything as if it is already accomplished. For example: Thank you for my joyful heart … my new love… my spiritual community … and work that make my heart sing and is financially satisfying. Allow yourself to feel the power of possibility with each desire you write on paper. You are creating your future.

To close: Hopefully, you will come to the end of this ritual with a sense of release and renewal. Now it is time to sit and admire the light of your three candles. Having enacted these rites of self-care, you can use the power of the moment to send out a silent prayer to your loved ones, your community, and the world. Then raise your glass of something sweet and take a sip.

Close the circle by thanking your Divine Source, as well as the four directions and the spirits of below, above, and within. Ask that they continue to surround you in love and protection in all ways. Look toward the year ahead with fresh eyes.

Ring your bell three times to call in the New Year.

Laurie Sue Brockway is the author of many books on Goddess spirituality and sacred writing including, The Goddess Pages, Lakshmi Magic, Alakshmi, Seshat Journal, and the forthcoming Goddess in the Mirror and Writer’s Flow. Her new book, She Who Scrivens: Write Your Book with the Help of the Egyptian Goddess Seshat, publishes on New Year’s Eve.

Wishing you love, laughter, and a magical New Year,

Arielle

Green Flags to Know THEY are the ONE!

During the dating process we are often on high alert for “red flags,” the things they say or do that trigger fear that they could be trouble. We’re looking for our deal-breakers in a fierce need to protect our tender hearts from potential heartbreak.

While it’s smart to be paying attention, and when you see or hear something un-settling or disturbing, be SURE to do these two things:

  1. Never make assumptions.
  2. Ask clarifying questions before coming to any conclusions that will have you throwing out the baby with the bath water.

I recently came across a wonderful list of “relationship green flags” from therapist Sara Kuburic.

This list clearly outlines the traits and qualities of an emotionally intelligent person that has potential capacity for a healthy, long term, loving relationship:

  • They apologize then they are wrong.
  • Their words and behaviors align.
  • They encourage your connections with friends and family.
  • They speak about their ex-partners with respect.
  • They communicate clearly and honestly.
  • They set, honor and respect boundaries.
  • They show up authentically and offer you space to do the same.
  • They are intentional about resolving conflict.
  • They are actively working on growth and healing.
  • They share compatible goals for the relationship.
  • They make you feel seen, heard, and appreciated.

So often I’m asked, “how do I know if he/she is the one?”

Using the above list along with Having connection, compatibility, chemistry and a shared vision for the future is a strong indication you have found “The One.”

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle

Sex and the City + Charlotte’s Lips

This may be the first and only time I write a review of a TV show, but I couldn’t resist musing on this.

As you probably know, the revival of Sex and the City (sans Samantha) just launched.

I was excited to get caught up with the girls.

Of course, I expected they would look older (it’s been 20+ years since we all met) and of course I expected trendy fashion and witty banter, but I wasn’t prepared for what was served up.

The wardrobe didn’t disappoint but the women wearing the clothes made me cringe. Big time.

For starters, Carrie now has a new gig on a podcast that is attempting to be the coolest venue ever for the super woke and LGBTQ+ world.

The main host tells Carrie that she needs to open up and really participate and gives her instructions “to step up her pussy.”

In an attempt to be more relevant and edgy, Carrie goes home and challenges Big to masturbate in front of her (Is she really going to share that to her audience on the next podcast? Did we really need to see that?)

Miranda has left her law career to go back to college and get a new degree as an activist/advocate for the downtrodden.

Her first moment in class has her with both feet in her mouth which sends her shrieking a bunch of “I am not a racist” stuff to her Black professor.

What happened to cool, calm, intelligent Miranda and when did she become an inarticulate people pleaser?

The biggest change in Charlotte is her lips.

She has had an unfortunate amount of bad plastic surgery. Social media has been very unkind to Charlotte even though it makes sense that a very wealthy Upper Westside gal would do what she did.

Of all the characters she seems most like herself, only seriously more overly emotional.

Spoiler Alert:
IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED AND YOU PLAN TO, STOP READING NOW!

One of the better moments of the show was seeing Carrie and Big, happily married, finally appearing to be in a good place with each other.

Big even gets super romantic and sings to her the classic Todd Rundgren song, “Hello It’s Me.”

It’s the happiest moment in the show.

But then, BOOM, by the end of episode one, AND JUST LIKE THAT, Big dies of a heart attack after a workout on his Pelaton.

Episode two is mostly Big’s funeral which is a beautifully executed. It’s sleek and elegant. Halston would have approved. Carrie wore a Fascinator that Meghan Markle would love.

But now what?

Do we watch Carrie’s grieving process and her torn feelings about when it’s appropriate to start dating again?

And, if she starts dating will it be on Match or Bumble?

Part of me is so curious to see if the show will improve.

Will Miranda stop trying to be utterly, politically correct?

Will Charlotte stop crying?

I’m not sure I’m ready to watch Carrie suffer as a beautifully dressed widow.

And then again, my curiosity will likely win out. At least for a few more episodes.

Sending love,

Arielle

Mrs. Lee’s Must Read Love Story

The cool, quiet room was overflowing with the grieving faces of friends and family as the funeral director invited Mrs. Lee up to the podium to speak. The petite, elegant widow walked slowly to the front of the small chapel and calmly began her eulogy.

“I am not going to sing praises for my late husband. Not today. Neither am I going to talk about how good he was.” Mrs. Lee’s eyes flashed.

“Enough people have done that here.” She took a deep breath, allowing the air to fill her lungs before she continued. “Instead, I want to talk about some things that will make some of you feel a bit uncomfortable.”

Several people stopped fanning themselves and sat up a little straighter. “First off, I want to talk about what happened in bed.” She paused dramatically, shifting her weight from side to side. A crow cawed outside the chapel window. She watched it perch itself on a nearby tree.

“Have you ever had difficulty starting your car engine in the morning?” She carefully studied the faces about the room. With a loud, grinding sound, she snorted and rumbled, violently shaking her tiny frame.

“Well, that’s exactly what David’s snoring sounded like.” A cough rose up from the center of the audience. “But wait,” she continued. “Snoring wasn’t the only thing.” A few pairs of feet shuffled nervously under the chairs.

“There was also this rear end wind action as well. Some nights it was so forceful it would wake him up.” A child giggled into her hand while her red-faced mother stifled a grin.

“ ‘What was that’?” he would ask.

“ ‘Oh, it’s the dog’,” I would say. Patting his back and smoothing the covers, I would urge him to go back to sleep.” She touched her hair as if remembering the way her hands felt as they placed themselves on her husband’s gasping body. “Oh, you might find this very funny,” Mrs. Lee offered the whisper of a smile. Her hands clutched the funeral program as she licked her dry lips. “But when his illness was at its worst, these sounds provided comfort and proof that my David was still alive.”

Silence washed over the room. Even the birds outside seemed to be listening.

Mrs. Lee looked heavenward as her voice began to crack. “What I wouldn’t give just to hear those sounds one more time before I sleep.” A single tear wandered down her face, landing noiselessly on her lapel.

“In the end, it’s these small things that you remember, the little imperfections that make them perfect for you.

So, to my beautiful children,” Mrs. Lee swept one hand towards the front row, “I hope that one day you too will find yourselves life partners that are as beautifully imperfect as your father was to me.”

Mrs. Lee’s eloquent tribute to her husband left the entire audience in tears. With just a few heartfelt words she summed up the mystery and magic of a lifelong marriage built on the foundation of love, imperfection and acceptance that knows no bounds.

Wabi Sabi Love is grounded in acceptance. It’s the practice of accepting the flaws, imperfections, limitations – as well as the gifts and the blessings – that formed your shared history as a couple. Acceptance and its counterpart, understanding, are crucial to achieving relationship harmony.

While this sacred love may be imperfect, it is an ever-lasting and satisfying love. What if we discovered that romantic love was never meant to be perfect, but to guide us to this highest form of love? What if, in fact, soulmate love exists to propel us into an understanding of Wabi Sabi Love, such as Mrs. Lee experienced?

Can you imagine what the world would look like, feel like, be like if the foundational premise of romantic love and deep intimacy was based on the art of loving one’s imperfections rather than the illusionary fantasy that your relationship is fabulous only when both people are acting perfectly and behaving in ways that are acceptable to the other? Imagine a world in which imperfection is the accepted norm and it is actually cherished.

What if the new evolution of partnership operated on principles that give rise to authentic, meaningful, fulfilling and fun relationships?

Anyone who has found this highest level of Wabi Sabi Love knows that it comes in one form and one form only: through exploring, embracing and actually falling in love with the cracks in each other and ourselves.

Wishing you real Wabi Sabi Love,

Arielle

LOVE; It’s in our DNA!

Lets talk about Love. It’s right up there with air, food and water as one of the most vital ingredients for existence. Love nourishes our souls and arouses our deepest desires. And yet, for many people, it’s the hardest thing to find. AND, even harder still is sustaining that love once you’ve found it.

Have you ever wondered why we humans seek a soulmate, a life partner, a beloved? What is it about us that craves this deep connection to another? Are we genetically made up to be mated?

One fascinating and possible answer comes from Aristophanes, the acclaimed comic playwright and philosopher of ancient Athens. He offers a wild tale that he shared at Plato’s Symposium about how the deep desire for Oneness came about.

Long, long ago in primal times people had doubled bodies, four arms, four legs, two heads and they were big and round…. These roly-poly creatures wheeled around earth like clowns doing cartwheels & were very powerful.

Three sexes: the all male, the all female, and the “androgynous,” who were half male, half female.

The males were said to have descended from the sun, the females from the earth and the androgynous couples from the moon.

The creatures tried to scale the heights of heaven and planned to set upon the gods. Zeus thought about blasting them to death with thunderbolts, but did not want to deprive himself of their devotions and offerings, so he decided to cripple them instead by chopping them in half with his sword, thus, in effect separating the two bodies. The severed halves were then scattered in opposite directions…

Aristophanes claimed that when two people who were torn apart from each other find each other, they never again want to be separated again from their soulmate……

When a half finally does meets its other half, they become deliriously happy and overjoyed with the promise of new love and delight. They believe, at least for awhile, that they are complete now that they are reunited with their other half, thus obtaining “wholeness.”

I just love this story, it makes so much sense to me, desiring love is deep in our being, in our DNA. If you are ready to finally manifest the love of your life, take a few moments to check out my amazing online program, The Love Codes. It has a fantastic successes rate.

Wishing you hope, healing, and a return to love,

Arielle