Is Self Love A Pre- Requisite To Soulmate Love?

Self Love is the hot topic in the personal growth movement these days and when it comes to finding soulmate love, there are a lot of myths that until you love yourself first, you won’t be able to get anyone else to love you. Can this really be true?

My experience has been that most women and some men (at least in the Northern hemisphere) live with a negative, critical voice in their heads that is often filled with ugly, shaming thoughts, self-doubt, and brings with it feelings of never being “good enough.”

And, I began to wonder, do you really have to eliminate that persistent voice in order to find true love? Do we really need to be 100% in love with ourselves to experience Big Love?

I don’t think so.

What is required is to learn how to “talk back” to that voice and create strategies to love yourself more and better. This includes a big dose of self-awareness so that when the “voice surfaces” you kick its butt!

For instance, you walk past a mirror and immediately react by thinking “God, you look like a total piece of $#it today.” Immediately stop. Walk back to the mirror, give yourself a big smile and blow yourself a kiss and say something warm and loving to your reflection. This is called self-care and self-soothing. Over time, you can change your habitual negative thinking by in-putting loving and uplifting thoughts and beliefs about yourself. And, please, never forget that just because you have a thought does not make it true!

Now, as for soulmate love, one of the greatest, most awesome things about living your life with your soulmate, is that you begin to heal each other in unimaginable ways. When you spend time with someone who loves all of you – the good, the bad and the ugly, you begin to love yourself even more.

So many are “waiting“ to actively seek their soulmate because they feel stuck in how they feel about themselves. This is a very selfish thing to do.

Why? Because just as you desire to spend your life with your soulmate, they are also seeking you. And, if you are holed up at home, on the couch, watching mindless reality TV, they can’t find you!

Now, while learning to love yourself a little bit, more and more, it’s also important to know that once you do manifest the love of your life, you teach them how to treat you by the way they witness how you treat yourself. I learned this from my husband Brian. Once we got married and began living together, I noticed how he always prioritized his health and well-being. At first, I made up stories about how selfish he was because he wasn’t always flexible about the time he took to mediate and exercise. When I finally asked him about it his response floored me. He explained that by sticking to his personal care schedule, he was able to fill himself up so that the rest of the day he had more love and more energy to give to me and the rest of the world.

Wow. What an insight that was for me. I soon began to follow in his footsteps.

Self-love is important and please know that if your soul is calling for a soulmate, the voice in your head shouldn’t be a barrier to love.

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle

 

The Secret Sauce to Achieving Your Goals in 2019

Successfully manifesting your desires is a combination of several factors.
First, you need clarity on what exactly you are asking for.
Second, you need to take time each day to move out of your head and into your heart to feel what it will feel like to have that desire right now, in this moment. I call this a feelingization.
And finally, you need to implement the “secret sauce.”

Research shows that making goals is useful. People who set goals are 10 times more likely to attain their goals than people who don’t!

A study by the Brigham Young University compared the statements by a person made about a particular change (or outcome) in their lives to the likelihood of them actually incorporating it… the results were as follows:

Of those that made the statement “that’s a good idea”, had a 10% chance of making a change.

Of those that committed and said, “I’ll do it.” They had a 25% chance of making a change.

Of those that said WHEN they would do it, they had a 40% chance of making a change.

Of those that set a SPECIFIC PLAN of how to do it, they had a 50% chance of change.

Of those that committed to SOMEONE ELSE that they would do it, they had a 60% chance of change.

Of those that set a specific time to SHARE THEIR PROGRESS with someone else, have a 95% chance of change!!!

SO, the secret sauce is this: make sure you have an accountability partner. This is someone who truly cares about you, and wants the best for you, and will communicate with you at least once a week to make sure you are doing what you say you are going to do and vice versa.

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,
Arielle

Mindful Resolutions for a Happier 2019

Did you glide through 2018 with a big smile on your face?

Was 2018 a year of grace and ease under pressure?

If not, here are some amazing tips for a kinder, gentler 2019.

My friend Julie Potiker, author of  “Life Falls Apart, but You Don’t Have To: Mindful Methods for Staying Calm In the Midst of Chaos,” offers super useful tips to make sure 2019 is a year of serenity and mindfulness.

  1. Take In the Good: In 2019, turn your focus toward experiencing the fullness of every beautiful, joyful, silly, fun, or wonderful experience you have. Savor the positive mental state for a few moments to create new neural bridges; what fires together, wires together! By letting the good feelings land, you are pushing the mental state into a neural trait, resulting in a happier brain.

 

  1. Label Negative Emotions: Practice R.A.I.N. When you experience anger, frustration, sadness, or any other negative emotion, recognize it by saying, “Oh, that’s anger” (or whatever the emotion is) coming up right now.” The mere mention of the emotion calms down the brain. Then allow it to be there for a few moments while you gently investigate why it’s there. Finally, nourish yourself by looking inward and asking what you need to hear or do right now to help yourself feel better.

 

  1. Do What Gives You Joy: Life is full of emotional chaos, but bringing it back to focused activities that give joy to your soul can mean the difference between making or breaking it day to day, year to year. Take a few minutes to write down a list of everything you can think of that brings you joy — little things and big things alike — then commit to doing one thing from that list every day.

 

  1. Get Grounded: When you feel anxiety ramping up, focus your attention downward and feel your feet on the floor. Breathe deeply, keeping your focus on the sensation of your feet (i.e., bare, in socks or shoes, whatever — feel it all, just as it is) on the floor. This is an instant tool to break the cycle of anxiety.

 

  1. Transform Suffering Into Love (Tonglen): When you experience suffering — whether from a personal tragedy, an international one, or anything in between — use the Receiving-Sending meditation to transform that suffering into love. Breathe in the pain and sorrow; breathe out love and compassion. Breathe in the suffering; breathe out peace.

 

This year, let mindfulness help you become more resilient. Feel your frustration or disappointment or whatever it is that comes up for you, then turn to one of your Mindful Methods tools to comfort yourself, as you would comfort a dear friend. You are that dear friend! You can enjoy the present more without ruminating on the past or worrying as much about the future.

I would suggest you print these out and post somewhere as a daily reminder!

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle

P.S. Julie is hosting at nonprofit retreat center A Ship In the Woods in Escondido, CA. She is donating all proceeds from ticket sales and onsite book sales to the A Ship In the Woods 501(c)(3) charitable organization.  Please visit:

3 Beliefs That Men Find Irresistible In a Woman

In this day and age of digital dating and limitless options to meet people, it can feel impossible to stand out from the crowd.

YOU are a unique, amazing individual and when you own this fact and learn how to radiate your best qualities, you are sure to separate yourself from the rest.

Many women don’t realize that it’s not the surface-level things that make a man incredibly attracted to you, but rather the beliefs you possess about life, your attitude about yourself, and the fun, authentic self-confidence that comes from a place of true self-love.

There are three beliefs in particular that men find irresistible and are sure to not only set you apart from other women but will aid you in attracting a genuine, connected relationship.

#1 Belief of an Irresistible Woman – “I am worthy of great love”

A woman who owns her worth and believes she deserves respect and authentic love is incredibly attractive to a man.

When a woman does not believe herself to be “enough” (pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, etc.) she sends out a subconscious signal that lowers a man’s perception of her and deflates his attraction.

Rather, the woman who believes she IS worthy of a great love radiates a vibrancy of high value and self-respect, and this makes a man want to rise to the challenge of being good-enough to win her heart.

Now I know owning your true worth might feel difficult at times, and to help you tune in to and tune-up your self-love, my amazing friend and dating expert, Mat Boggs, has created a Self-Love Activation Kit as a gift from me to you.

Download your free kit here to kick that inner self-critic to the curb and feel a deeper self-love than ever before.

#2 Belief of an Irresistible Woman – “Love can be easy”

This is important! It can hard to remain optimistic when date after date has been a dead-end.

But when you focus your mind on the belief that love can be easy, it puts you in a relaxed, fun, best-self state-of-being — a state where you’re not trying too hard or sabotaging yourself, but rather enjoying moments of connection and letting the love flow into your life with ease.

#3 Belief of an Irresistible Woman – “The best is yet to come”

Finally, the third belief of an irresistible woman is not about where they’ve been or there struggles of the past.

Instead, it’s about where they are going, the knowing that there is more adventure and love out there, and their willingness to seize each moment and day with a zeal for life.

When you believe that there’s more fun to be had, you’re infectious and fun to be around, and a man will find that incredibly attractive.

Now, **WARNING** these three beliefs will not only aid you in living a life filled with love, adventure, and connection…

But might bring your man into your life sooner than you thought!

Because there’s nothing that stands out more than a woman who embraces her unique qualities and limitless potential…

And has a BLAST doing it.

Don’t forget to grab your free copy of the Self-Love Activation Kit so you can align with the vibration of love even more and start living the life you’ve always dreamed of.

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle

What Oprah and I Have in Common

I just got my December issue of O magazine featuring Oprah’s favorite things….that got me thinking about MY favorite things…the things I use nearly every day.
While many of Oprah’s are quite pricey, mine are mostly in the $20-$30 range and they are what I consider “small luxuries.”
These items bring me joy, beauty, comfort, and ease.
Get some for yourself (and they make great stocking stuffers!)

Sol De Janeiro Brazilian Bum Bum Cream

I LOVE this delicious smelling and creamy moisturizer that always puts a smile on my face. And, it’s a good solution to dry, winter skin!

The Wand Removes Histamines & Sulfite Preservatives, No More Wine Headaches
I can finally drink red wine thanks to this amazing product that truly works! The Wand alleviates ALL of the most common side effects from drinking wine: Headaches, Congestion, Skin Flush, Upset Stomach, and Hangovers. REMOVES HISTAMINES AND SULFITES that trigger the most common wine sensitivities. The Wand filters all types of wines, including red, white, rosé and sparkling wines. And, it works WITHOUT changing the natural taste, aromas or color of wine.

Zing Vital Energy Nutrition Bar
I always have one of these tasty, healthy bars close by for when hunger strikes!
I love the Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip…it’s High Protein, High Fiber, Low Sugar, Chunky Peanut Butter, Real Dark Chocolate that is gluten-free, non-GMO, with 10 grams of plant-based vegan protein, mixed with real, optimum natural ingredients to give you wholesome energy and nutrition with real flavor in each bite.

The Original, Eco-friendly, Portable Travel Drinking Straw
We’ve all heard that plastic straws are destroying the planet….now there is a cool solution, bring your own stainless steel straw in its own very attractive bamboo case. I never leave home without them!

Ancient Minerals Magnesium Bath Flakes
Magnesium Salt Flakes offer a highly effective, yet muscle-calming, means of absorbing magnesium nutrients. Pour into a warm bath and soak – it not only infuses you with necessary magnesium, it dissolves negative energy cords!

Fresh Sugar Lip Treatment SPF 15 (this not your ordinary Chapstick—it’s luxurious!)
Hydrating treatment that nourishes, protects and plumps the lips. Has a bright, citrus scent and is FREE of petroleum, mineral oil, and lanoline and NO Parabens – Sulfates – Synthetic Dyes – Petrochemicals – Phthalates – GMOs – Triclosan.

Small luxuries are a must-have for me…a daily reminder of how good and abundant life is!

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle

Why You Need A Personal Bouncer

We all know the importance of clearing clutter from our home, office, closets, garage, etc. to create more ease, flow, and success in our lives… but what you probably don’t know is that it’s critical to clear another kind of clutter: People.

 

We need to clear out the emotionally draining, toxic, judgmental, crazy-making, and/or even boring, uninspiring people from our lives.

 

Who’s In Your Room is a new book from my dear friends, both powerhouse personal growth leaders, Stewart Emery and Ivan Misner.

 

Several years ago, at a Transformational Leadership Council gathering, I heard Stewart speak on this topic and it completely changed my life. He said that we should look at our life as if it is a room with only one door, no exits. Once someone walks into our life, they really never leave (even if we think we have deleted them the thoughts, feelings, and experiences we have had with them live on in our brain). Therefore, we have to begin to carefully curate ‘who” we allow into our “room,” and we may even use a bodyguard or two stationed outside our room to make sure that we only allow in those that share our values.

 

After I heard Stewart speak I began to think about all the people in my “room” that were energy sucking emotional vampires or chaotic drama queens, etc. And, for the first time, I seriously began to think about the importance of making my room (i.e. my life), a sacred space to share with like-minded family and friends who share my values. It was mind-blowing!

 

I am so thrilled that this is now available as a book (it’s a very short, easy to read book). It is so important to understand that “who” you allow into your “room” will impact the quality of the rest of your life.

 

I consider Who’s In Your Room a must read for everyone focused on living a long, healthy and happy life.

Gratitude, Turkey & Choosing Love

The great spiritual teacher, Ram Dass (“Be Here Now”) once said:

“If you think you’re enlightened go spend a week with your family.”

For those of us who consider ourselves to be loving, conscious people on a spiritual path, we are sometimes flabbergasted by just how easily being with our family can trigger negative emotions and old patterns.

I’ve good news.

This is pretty normal.

You are not the only one.

Some of these DNA-related folks have the playbook and intuitively know how to push our buttons.

If you plan to spend Thanksgiving with relatives, here are a few things to remember:

Begin your day with a few minutes to write a gratitude list of all the people and things you are grateful for.

Set the intention for how you would like the day to go.

Share that intention with at least one other person who will be at the table and ask them to help you “hold the space” for a loving, fun, enjoyable event.

Also, make this person your ally, have a game plan of how to handle certain situations that always seem to come up.

For instance, if cousin Billy and cousin Bob always get into a disagreement, be sure to seat them at opposite ends of the table.

Consider this: No one is showing up to the gathering with the intention to deliberately try to piss you (or anyone else) off.

As much as possible, use humor to deflect conflict.

Do a Google search for stupid, silly Thanksgiving jokes and write them down and have them handy.  Here’s one:

“What did the Turkey say to the computer?”

“Google, Google, Google!”

Finally, remember that it’s always a good idea to avoid controversial topics at the dinner table.  If you, or someone else, brings up a topic that is sure to get folks riled up, be the adult in the room who speaks up and suggest that in the spirit of fun and harmony, it’s time to change the subject, and then guide them into another subject.

 

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

 

Arielle

Start Each Morning With A Big Dose of LOVE

Several years ago on a trip to Bali, we were privileged to meet a very old, wizened Shaman who taught us a beautiful morning love process to bless, heal, and nourish my body, mind, and soul.  

This transformative process is a fantastic way to begin each day and I highly recommend it for everyone who desires to have more love in their life!

Here’s how to do it:

When you wake up, before getting out of bed, before checking your phone, or anything else…  lie in bed, with your eyes closed. and put a smile on your face.

As you are smiling, imagine that you are swallowing this smile.

Then see this smile as it gently passes through each part of your body. Place your hands on the part of the body as it is passing through as you feel the gratitude you have for this body part, and say “thank you” for the good health and strength it provides you.

When you have done this completely, from head to toe, place your attention (and your hands) on your heart and tell yourself how much you love and appreciate YOU.

Then imagine the Universe is beaming a giant stream of golden, sparkling love into your heart and filling you up on every level.

Next call up images of the people in your life that you most love, and feel yourself sending them a silent wave of “thanks” for their love and support, and wishing them a beautiful, loving day.

Now you will be ready to begin your new day filled with love for yourself and your loved ones! 

To make things easy for you, I have a free feelingization of this on my website to take you through the entire process….click below and then access

The Morning Love Raising feelingization.

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle

The Importance of Beauty

More than 30 years ago, a new friend invited me to her apartment for a visit.  As we sat in her cozy living room, she served me tea in a delicate china cup that was placed on a beautiful mahogany tray that held a tiny silver teaspoon, a small plate of petit fours, a shiny silver vase holding one perfectly shaped pink rose, and a white lace trimmed cloth napkin. I felt like I was having high tea with royalty!

I told her she shouldn’t have gone to all the trouble as I would have been just as happy with a mug of tea and a paper napkin. She smiled sweetly and said to me, “Darling, this is how I serve myself tea every day.” This elegant woman then explained to me that life is short and that we must insist on having as much beauty as possible in our lives, in every way possible.  

When I left her home I immediately went to Bed, Bath and Beyond and bought myself two trays, six linen napkins, two small matching vases to begin living beautifully myself. (Fortunately, I already had some inherited china teacups.) Since that day, when at home, I rarely use paper napkins.

A few years later I became friends with another woman, who worked mostly from home.  Whenever I would visit her, she was always meticulously turned out: hair, makeup, clothing, and jewelry to match. I asked her why she went to so much trouble since most days she never saw anyone else. She explained to me that she considered herself a work of art and each day she reveled in putting herself together as colorfully and stylishly as possible.

As someone who works from home, most days I am in my yoga pants, hair in a ponytail and makeup-free unless I have a Skype or Zoom interview, but at least a few days a week I make an effort to consider myself a work of art and invest a little more time into my appearance.

In Italy, one of my favorite place on earth, they actually have a lifestyle describing this, it’s called ‘bella figura’ and it basically means making every area of your life as beautiful as it can be.

I would love to know how you add more beauty to your life!

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle

How To Be A Powerful Manifestor

I just returned from a wonderful weekend teaching the Soulmate Secret Workshop at the beautiful Omega Institute.  It was so “Fall” like!  Crisp, chilly, weather with turning leaves in a variety of fiery colors, and a beautiful group of souls ready to manifest love.

One of the questions I was asked was “how did you become a master manifestor?”   It is an important and powerful question and applies to ALL forms of manifesting.  Here is what I know for sure:

Successful manifesting requires something akin to driving with your foot on the gas and the brake at the same time. On the one hand, we need to be clear about our intentions, and be able to feel in very cell of our body that what we have asked for IS already ours, and be willing to take action towards our goals. Simultaneously, we must stay detached from the outcome and live in a state of surrender. 

Now you might be thinking, “Whoa, that doesn’t make any sense!”

But it does.

Think of it this way: When the seeds of a flower have been planted, and the first leaves begin to sprout, the gardener doesn’t tug on the leaves every day to make the plant grow faster. They trust that Mother Nature knows how to grow all on her own, thank you very much.

There are many ways we approach manifesting our desire, whether it’s more money, a soulmate, a new career, or the perfect little black dress.

Some of us take the “if it’s meant to be it will just happen” approach. Others take charge and go into “make it happen” mode. I believe that it’s a combination of the two that is the winning ticket.

I believe that manifesting your heart’s desire has a certain amount of “meant-to-be-ness” to it… AND it requires a big dose of “make-it-happen-ness.”

Practicing intention, surrender, focus, and detachment coupled with trust, belief, knowingness, and patience is the recipe for success.

And I realize that this is a paradox….

How does one be both intentional and surrendered?

When I am being intentional, I have a clear feeling and picture of what my desire is AND I also am detached from the outcome.

I know and trust that life will continue to be great whether or not my desire is fulfilled.

I surrender to divine timing and to destiny (knowing this or something better is on the way) and my happiness and well-being isn’t dependent on having my wishes granted.

This is a daily “conscious” practice that requires emotional maturity and awareness. It’s worth the effort to master this practice, as it will give you freedom to be “with what is” while manifesting your deepest desires!

Those who successfully manifest have learned and surrendered to the fact that it’s not our job to know where, when, or how our desire will appear. We don’t have to micromanage every encounter or anticipate every detail. Our job is to simply prepare ourselves in body, mind, and soul and then relax into the knowledge that what we’ve asked for – wherever it may be at this moment – is on the way.

When you notice that you are in fear or doubt or disbelief that your desired outcome is on the way, allow yourself to spend three minutes or less fully feeling the worst of these negative emotions. Set a time and then dive in and exaggerate your fears and doubts. Make it really ugly. No positive thinking allowed! IF you do this you will soon begin to laugh because your rational mind will kick in, reminding you that these thoughts are just not true. Then, having released the pressure of the negativity, fill yourself back up with kind, loving affirmations that your desired outcome IS already yours and remember to be both intentional and surrendered!

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle