Are You Addicted To Suffering?
I’ve noticed that some people are actually addicted to suffering…they’ve been living in the pain of their “poor me” story for so long that they just can’t let it go. I’m pretty sure they aren’t even aware that they are attached to suffering.
Recently my friend Kute Blackson wrote a beautiful blog on this topic that I want to share with you now:
Suffering can become a very dangerous addiction. An unhealthy way to feel. An ultimately unfulfilling way to feel alive. You can get so used to suffering that it becomes comfortable and familiar. Suffering is the ego’s way of feeling important.
Whether you are a businessman or a buddha, pain is inevitable. There is no way to avoid it. Just by virtue of being in a human body there will be some pain. Trying to avoid pain will only create more suffering. Embrace pain to release yourself from suffering.
Suffering is optional. Suffering is a choice.
Suffering comes from your story about what is happening in your life and less about what is actually happening. What is happening is simply what is happening. The suffering part comes from all your interpretations and meanings about the experience.
Change your story and the way you are interpreting reality and you begin to change your reality. When you change your reality within yourself you shift your experience of your reality outside. Once you understand this, you only suffer if you choose to.
What stories are you telling yourself about your life, your partner, your current experience that is causing you suffering?
Here are 7 Keys to creating suffering:
1- Resist everything: Resist what is. Resist reality. Fight against what is happening in your life with all your might. This is a guaranteed method to suffer.
Key Solution: Accept what is, so that you can then decide how to shift it.
2- Holding the belief: “The experience that is happening to me should not be happening to me. I should be having some other experience than the one I am having. This shouldn’t be happening to me.” You have probably heard yourself doing some version of this. It just keeps you stuck.
Key Solution: Embrace your current experience. Your current experience is the experience that you are meant to be having because you are having it right now. Trust, and focus on what you can learn and how you can grow. The experience is here to help you evolve.
3- Focusing on all the things that you cannot control. This will only cause you to feel completely helpless and disempowered. It will leave you in a state of worry and anxiety. Some of us are professional “worriers”. No matter how much you worry it doesn’t actually change the situation. Once you are done worrying the situation will be the same. Worrying is a waste of time.
Key Solution: Focus on what you can control. Take actions that are in your power, step by step.
4- Refusing to change. Keep doing the same thing over and over and hoping for a different result. Well, as Einstein said, that is the definition of insanity. Are you so set in your ways that you are afraid of giving up the known suffering for the unknown possibility of happiness?
Key Solution: Embrace change. Be willing to do something different. Let go. Go into the unknown. Take different actions.
5- Give up your responsibility: Be a victim. Play the blame game making everyone else at fault or responsible for your life and how you feel. Unless you take responsibility for your current experience then you are powerless to change it.
Key Solution: Take full responsibility for your current reality and decide what changes you are committed to making. Give up blame.
6- Focus on everything that is wrong in your life. Whether a relationship or a person. When you focus on what is wrong, you will surely find what is wrong. You will end up creating more of what is wrong to feel wrong about. Then the negative cycle continues.
Key Solution: Start focusing on what you are grateful for. Remember all your blessings, and appreciate that daily. What you appreciates, expands. What you thank about comes about.
7- Denial: Lie to yourself and others. Pretend that everything is fine when you know that it isn’t. When you avoid facing what is, you end up staying stuck and repeating the same patterns of pain, and relationship. This only ends up prolonging your suffering.
Key Solution: Tell the truth to yourself first. Tell the truth to those in your life. Be honest. Face reality.
Life is too short to waste spent suffering. Most of what you worry about today you won’t even remember a few months from now. Most of what you are trying to change in people today, you won’t care about on your deathbed.
You hold the padlock and you hold the key to your freedom.
To learn more about Kute, please visit www.kuteblackson.com
P.S. For a FREE chapter of my newest book Wabi Sabi Love: The Ancient Art of Finding Perfect Love in Imperfect Relationships, Click right here: WabiSabiLove.com
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