Self Love is NOT a Pre-Requisite to Soulmate Love

Self-love seems to be the hot topic in the personal growth movement these days and when it comes to finding soulmate love, there are a lot of myths that until you fully love yourself first, you won’t be able to get anyone else to love you. Is this really true?

My experience has been that most women (at least in the Northern hemisphere) live with a negative, critical voice in their heads that is often filled with ugly, shaming thoughts, self- doubt, and brings with it feelings of never being “good enough.”

And, I began to wonder, do you really have to eliminate that persistent voice in order to find true love?

Do we really need to be 100% in love with ourselves to experience Big Love?


What is required is to learn how to “talk back” to that voice and create strategies to love yourself more and better. This includes a big dose of self-awareness so that when the “voice surfaces” you kick its butt!

For instance, you walk past a mirror and immediately react by thinking “God, you look like a total piece of $#it today.” Immediately stop. Walk back to the mirror, give yourself a big smile and blow yourself a kiss and say something warm and loving to your reflection. This is called self-care and self-soothing. Over time, you can change your habitual negative thinking by in-putting loving and uplifting thoughts and beliefs about yourself. And please, never forget that just because you have a thought does not make it true!

Now, as for soulmate love, one of the greatest, most awesome things about living your life with your soulmate, is that you begin to heal each other in unimaginable ways. When you spend time with someone who loves all of you – the good, the bad and the ugly, you begin to love yourself even more.

So many women are waiting to actively seek their soulmate because they feel stuck in how they feel about themselves. This is a very selfish thing to do.

Why? Because, just as you desire to spend your life with your soulmate, they are also seeking you. And if you are holed up at home, on the couch, watching reality TV they can’t find you!

Now, while learning to love yourself a little bit more and more, it’s also important to know that once you do manifest the love of your life, you teach them how to treat you by the way they witness how you treat yourself. I learned this from my husband Brian. Once we got married and began living together, I noticed how he always prioritized his health and well-being. In the beginning I made up stories about how selfish he was because he wasn’t always flexible about the time he took to meditate and exercise.

When I finally asked him about it his response floored me. He explained that by sticking to his personal care schedule, he was able to fill himself up so that the rest of the day he had more love and more energy to give to me and the rest of the world.

Wow. What an insight that was for me. I soon began to follow in his footsteps.

Yes, self-love is important but don’t let that voice in your head be a barrier to love. A soulmate will love all of you and as you see and feel their love for you, you will also learn to love all of you.

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,


Practice Love Amnesty (How and Why)

I believe we are all perfectly imperfect beings doing the best we can, most of the time.

And yet, we are now living in an era where cancel culture has become de rigueur, second chances are few and far between, and the art of forgiveness appears to have vanished.

We all have said and done stupid, regrettable things and I believe that if we own what we’ve done, and give a proper apology, and make amends, shouldn’t we be forgiven?

I see this as an issue in our personal relationships as well as in our culture.

Your significant other may be the greatest person on the planet but that doesn’t mean they aren’t going to make you crazy from time to time.

When your “annoyance” button has been pressed, take an immediate time out and calm yourself by sitting down, closing your eyes, and taking some deep breaths. Breathe in slowly to the count of 4, hold for the count of 4, breathe out for the count of 6. Repeat 10x.

Then, try this: Imagine you are both in a Courtroom, in front of a judge and jury, and you are the defense attorney. It’s your job to argue on behalf of your spouse (or whoever) and explain to the judge and jury why they are behaving this way and what caused them to do it.

Argue like their life depends upon it.

Chances are you will dissipate your annoyance and reach a deeper understanding of their behavior.

What if we all agreed to have a statute of limitations on just how long we are going to hold minor offenses against humans being human?

I think it’s time we come to a collective agreement and have “love amnesty” for ourselves, our friends and family, and our fellow imperfect humans.

Life is hard enough these days without holding grudges and judging people for relatively minor offenses.

I admit I sometimes get perverse pleasure in being angry and self-righteous when I feel offended by someone’s behavior but the only one getting hurt is me and my nervous system.

When I notice I am doing this, I do my mindful breathing and then I channel my inner Dalai Lama. I see him in my heart laughing and exuding love and compassion and then I consciously choose to embrace his frequency of love.

It works every time.

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,


Are You a Liar?

Are you a liar?

I believe most of us are. (Hey, we are all human, no judgement here.)

And the biggest lies we tell are to ourselves.

We lie to ourselves in small ways and big.

For instance, perhaps you do some or all of these:

You want to be healthy and yet you consistently blow off exercising and eat things you know are not good for you.

You want to nourish your mind with loving thoughts and yet you make up stories about how you are not good enough, loveable enough, or whatever and you let those stories keep you stuck.

You are in a relationship with a narcissist or someone who clearly exhibits bad behavior and you stick around hoping they will change. (They won’t)

You don’t have enough time. (You do but you have to get out of denial and truly prioritize, stop scrolling through social media, or get up an hour earlier to start writing that book or whatever you say you don’t have time for.)

You desire a soulmate life partner, but you are not dating and you swear online dating doesn’t work. (It does when you know how to do it right, get my free online dating guide here.)

What if you selected just one area of your life to flip from lying about to focusing your attention on?

Would you be willing to truly prioritize your heart’s desire and put in the time, energy, attention and investment to make it happen?

How would your life be better in three months, six months or a year from now if you made the decision NOW to finally go for it?

Life is hard and life is short and these days we have to make some tough choices about how to use our time and resources but I believe that if you have a strong desire for something it deserves to be prioritized.

Go for it!!

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,


p.s. There are 3 scholarships available for my weekend workshop at the Art of Living Retreat Center in Boone, NC the weekend of Sept. 24-26 (does not include room & board).

Apply here!

Limiting Belief Buster – This really works!

I have great news for you – if you missed last week’s free webinar on breaking through limiting beliefs, I’ve got the replay link for you.

My friend Shelly Lefkoe, co-founder of The Lefkoe Institute, presented a master class in transforming limiting beliefs that was simply life changing.

In this interactive webinar Shelly explained what a belief is, where beliefs come from, how to deeply understand why many of your deepest beliefs about yourself are not true and, most importantly, how to release limiting beliefs forever.

If you KNOW that you have a belief that is holding you back from manifesting the love of your life (or fully enjoying the love that you have), give yourself the gift of participating fully for 90 minutes and bust through the thing that has been stopping you from love success.

Shelly explains how our beliefs get formed and then guides you, step by step, through the process of transformation.

I would encourage you to do this when you can carve out an uninterrupted 90 minutes and truly focus. (Be sure to stay till the very end when she will tell you how to get a very valuable free gift).

> Watch it here <

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,


p.s. This webinar is available ONLY until August 26th so don’t wait, make the time to watch soonest.

What I’m Streaming & Binging Now

One of my near daily pleasure puppy activities is to hang out and watch TV just for the sheer joy and entertainment of it. Not only do I find it pleasurable, its relaxing and sometimes even feels a bit decadent, depending on the show.

Here are some of my recent favorites:


Mega producer Darren Star, who brought us Sex and the City, has a series on Hulu that brings together hot, sexy, sassy young women in NYC who work in publishing.

The lead character is a 40-year-old divorcee who gave up her dreams job in publishing for marriage and to raise her daughter. When her husband gambles away all their money and has an affair, she is suddenly broke and alone. Her attempts to get back into publishing are impossible because of the long gap in her work life and the youth culture of the entry level jobs. Fortunately, she looks much younger than 40 and presents herself as 26 and lands a plum position as a marketing assistant.

She now has to play catchup to fit in with 20-something co-workers with while trying to please an impossibly bitchy middle-aged boss who is on parr with Meryl Streep’s character in The Devil Wears Prada. It’s a smart, and funny rom-com.

100 Foot Wave (HBO)

This docuseries is a heart thumping deep dive into the sport of Big Wave Surfing, following the discovery of the world’s largest waves in Nazare, Portugal and the men and women who attempt to ride and survive them.

Fantastic cinematography and a thoughtful reveal of the psyche of these extreme athletes and how they survive physically and emotionally. Really captivating even if you have never surfed.

Grace and Frankie (Netflix)

Season 7 is live now with Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin, gal pals, besties, and business partners. If you haven’t ever watched this, the story line is two couples, long-time friends divorce when the husbands (Martin Sheen and Sam Waterston) reveal they have been lovers for decades. The men marry and the women become roommates, as they re-envision their lives as senior citizen single women.

Love seeing Jane’s evolution this season as she is beginning to question just want KIND of marriage she wants and needs with her new, younger husband.

StartUp (Netflix)

A high finance maverick, a young Latina/Cuban coder who has invented the next, better, Bitcoin and a Little Haiti drug lord become unlikely business partners in this Miami based drama. Miami Vice was a provincial walk in the park compared to these well-developed characters who sometimes have you rooting for the bad guy.

It’s gritty and violent and unpredictable.

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,


Stop Waiting For Love, Discover How to Make It Happen

Yesterday was our 23rd wedding anniversary. As I thought about the wonder of it all, I asked my beloved soulmate, Brian, what his thoughts are on how we have created 23 years of togetherness and what he thought our “secret of success” is.

Here is what he said:

“Our sacred union was ignited in an instant when I literally found myself immersed in a grand conspiracy of love with the Woman/Goddess of my dreams 23 years ago.

The day we met the magic began and the Universe/God supported our journey of love on every level. It was a ginormous love explosion where both our tides of love rose together into one ocean of love and where love began to dance with itself!

We celebrate our miracle of love every day as we live grounded in Higher Love with the necessary ingredients of respect, honor, joy, unlimited fun, attentiveness, acceptance, admiration and care of the other’s well-being.”

Sigh. He truly is a heart chakra on legs, and I am so grateful to spend my life with him. He is my best friend, my greatest teacher, my rock, and even when things get rocky, we are always there for each other.

While I feel very lucky, none of this happened by chance or by luck.

Using the ancient wisdom of the Law of Attraction, I co-created with the Universe meeting Brian. Finding love and keeping love (and ultimately being love) are acquired skills.

I am very clear that while our meeting was “magical,” I conjured up a ton of manifesting magic to prepare myself, on every level, to meet and spend my life with him.

I worked through my blocks, barriers, and limiting beliefs about love and then used many manifesting processes and rituals and they worked! (they will work for you too.)

If finding BIG love is your desire, let me show you how at The Soulmate Secret Weekend Workshop happening at the stunning Art of Living Retreat Center in Boone, NC, September 24 – 26th .

For details go here.

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,


5 Mistakes Women Make in Love (and what to do about them)

When I met my soulmate Brian, I was smart enough to use everything I knew about the Law of Attraction to manifest an amazing soulmate.

Unfortunately, I didn’t have any real experience or partnership skills to assure our marriage would be a dream come true.

I made tons of mistakes, mostly because I didn’t understand that not only are men’s brains different from ours, you also need to know how to talk to them in a way that makes them JUMP at the chance to keep us happy.

For instance, one of my biggest mistakes (and one I still deal with from time to time) is that I am not a great listener. I tend to drift. And I am also very opinionated and often want to tell Brian what to do and how to do it.

I’ve since learned (the hard way) that unless a man ASKS for your opinion, feedback or coaching, it’s often best to resist the urge to play “Big Momma” and fix his problems.

And it’s always important to be a great listener, which means putting your full attention on him and not on your smartphone.

By now we ALL know that we can’t really multi-task, so looking at a screen while pretending to listen is just plain disrespectful. (Research has shown that the one thing 82% of men want more than sex is respect!)

Love and relationship expert Sarika Jain has been closely studying what it takes to take control of your love life and along the way she has identified 5 common mistakes most women make when it comes to men.

Sarika is GIVING AWAY a fantastic free eBook, 5 Mistakes Women Make in Love.

In her content rich eBook you will discover myriad ways to improve your connection with men!

One of her big hot tips is all about the words you use and how you say them…. just this one tip alone can make a world of difference in your love life.

Whether you are actively seeking your soulmate or already with him, I urge you to download this ebook today. (it’s 100% free)

Get Your FREE eBook of 5 Mistakes Women Make in Love!

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,


Life Is Hard, Give Yourself a Break

For many of us, the fifteen months of lockdown and restricted activities were extremely challenging in every area of life. As life began to open up again in recent months, we experienced hope and optimism that normalcy was on the return.

Most of us started getting out more, giddy to be social and hug our friends and loved ones that we haven’t seen beyond a Zoom screen for so long.

And some of us have even jumped on a plane and done some traveling.

Plans that couldn’t be made previously (whether career or personal) are popping up and you may be feeling like it’s time to dive back in, make a new list of goals and accomplishments, restart your life and go for it.

Except your previous “get up and go” is now stalling, procrastinating, overthinking, worrying or all of the above.


I think there is still a blanket of anxiety, panic, or uncertainty tugging on many of us.

And the aspirations we had pre-Covid have likely changed or morphed during these trying times.

If this sounds like you (it’s certainly true for me), give yourself a break.

You don’t need to figure out everything right now (as much as we would all love to do that.)

See if you can give yourself the space to operate with tiny, itty, bitty baby steps.

Ask yourself:

  • What are one or two easy things I can do right now for the next two hours?
  • What’s the one thing I want to accomplish today?
  • Spend some time in silence and see if you can hear what your soul is most calling for.
  • Play with your imagination and ask yourself, “wouldn’t it be lovely if_________?”
  • And, then allow the simple and easy path to your desire to make itself known to you.
  • Reward yourself for the little things you do accomplish.
  • Remember to be a pleasure puppy and plan one thing every day that brings you pleasure, delight or joy whether it’s a favorite treat, an aromatherapy bath, walking in nature, watching stupid cat videos online, or listening to your favorite song.

This shared global pandemic has changed all of us.

Give yourself the care and comfort to figure things out, without creating undo pressure on yourself.

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,


Love Never Dies (A True Story)

More than thirty years ago I had the extraordinary good fortune to meet Herb Tanzer and Elizabeth Goodman.

I was attending the Landmark Forum and Herb was our awesome, amazing and brilliant leader.

Throughout the weekend workshop he often gushed about how much he loved his beautiful wife, Elizabeth.

Herb & Elizabeth were really my first introduction into what a true soulmate relationship looks like.

Together they were adoring, devoted, playful, funny and clearly meant to be together.

After 38 years of loving each other, Herb passed a year ago from cancer.

Of course, Elizabeth was devastated to lose her best friend, life partner and soulmate.

Toward the end of his life, they had several deep conversations in which Herb shared with Elizabeth that she needed to “pay attention.” He wanted her to be open to finding someone to take care of her after he was gone.

Elizabeth always insisted she could take care of herself. Herb repeatedly told her to “pay attention.”

One of Herb’s closest friends was another Forum leader named Garry.

He was a recent widower. His wife of 55 years, Donna, had passed less than a year before Herb. The four of them had been friends for 35 years and had vacationed together.

Towards the end of Herb’s life, he and Garry spoke frequently, while Elizabeth and Garry also spoke to console each other.

Garry shared with her that Donna had told him many times that she didn’t want him to be alone after she was gone, she asked him to please be open to finding love again.

Neither Garry or Elizabeth ever dreamed that they would find love again, certainly not with each other, but that is exactly what has happened. (they “paid attention” to the feelings growing between them as they both navigated their grief.)

Garry and Elizabeth had both experienced Big Love, great love, soulmate love, and then, thanks to their departing soulmates setting the stage, planting seeds and magic, they have now fallen in love.

In this new relationship they have the freedom to express their love and grief as well as celebrate this new love and joy with the knowledge that their soulmates on the other side are cheering them on.

While some people think they fell in love “too soon” after their losses, the truth is the human heart is big enough to give and receive unlimited love. Their new love for each other doesn’t take anything away from the love they still share with their loves on the other side.

I couldn’t be happier for them!

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,


Live in Peace, Not in Pieces, Free Guide from My friend, the Holy Woman

If you’re anything like me, the last fifteen months on planet earth have been challenging, at times nerve shattering, and stressful to the max.

I’ve been craving peace.

Something that has really made a difference in returning me to a state of peace and contentment is a guide written by my friend, Sadhviji, who has spent the last 25 years in India as a holy woman studying the Vedas in English and Hindi.

She went from working on a Ph.D. on psychology at Stanford to running one of the largest ashrams in Rishikesh for the past twenty-five years, and she serves hundreds of thousands of devotees around the world as one of todays’ pre-eminent spiritual teachers.

As a precursor to her long-awaited memoir, Hollywood to the Himalayas: A Journey of Healing and Transformation which is being published this summer, Sadhviji is now sharing a free life changing guide of her ten step plan that offers her deepest wisdom to allow you to Live in Peace, Not In Pieces.

Click here to download your FREE copy!

Wishing you deep peace,


P.S. Here’s what Iyanla says about her forthcoming spiritual memoir:

“For so many of us, the road to the Divine sometimes begins with deep trauma. And, then Grace is bestowed upon us and we blossom in the holiness of love. Hollywood to the Himalayas is filled with wisdom and truth about the powerful revelations that unfold on the path to a deeper relationship to the divine. This is a beautiful book.”
Rev. Iyanla Vanzant, executive producer, Iyanla, Fix My Life