Dear Soulmate Manifesters,
My friend Bob Grant, has been a therapist and relationship coach for the past 17 years. Recently we were talking about the misconception by so many women (and some men) that they have to be “perfect” before they can attract a mate. Bob has a LOT to say about this and I thought I would share it with you:
You Don’t Have to Be Perfect to Attract a Man…
Perfect Is Overrated…I promise. Men don’t need a woman to be flawless to be attracted to her.
After years of listening to women in my private practice, many women seem to think that men expect nothing less than perfection. If you were to visit some popular men’s websites such as; (www.askmen.com) or (www.maximum.com) you would certainly think that unless a woman is both highly attractive and incredibly accommodating, that men have no interest. This is not really accurate. At least not in the way you might think.
I often illustrate this to women by asking this question:
“If you had a choice between two men and everything about them was exactly the same, with the exception of one being worth millions and one being poor, who would you prefer? Would you select the wealthy one, or the one who was poor?”
Answer: If they were equal in all other aspects, most women state that they would choose the wealthy gentleman. I mean, why not if everything else is equal?
Now when men hear this some are likely to say, “That’s right, all a woman cares about is a guy who makes a lot of money.” In fact, that conclusion would be incorrect. A man would be wrong to assume that just because a woman likes the characteristic of a man with money that she cannot love a man unless he is wealthy. In fact, most women I speak with tell me this, “It isn’t that he has to make a certain amount, but I would like to know that he has the potential to make enough for me to feel comfortable.” In fact, most women are willing and/or expect to help out financially.
This same standard applies to men. If given the choice between a woman whom they believe is very attractive, or one who appears to take no interest in her appearance, they will choose the attractive one. This doesn’t mean that they will only consider a woman who is striking. Take a look at most married men and you will see that plenty of women who would not be considered “perfect” have husbands who choose to marry them. Why would this be? The answer is that the quality of being authentic is actually more potent in the arena of love than perfection. Being authentic causes a woman to act in such a manner that is enchanting.
This woman is well aware that she has issues (don’t we all) and yet, she understands the balance between improving herself and being comfortable with where she is currently in her life. She doesn’t work hard at convincing others (i.e. men) that she is perfect. Rather she is very attune to the needs of her heart, and takes full responsibility for meeting those needs. Men find such a woman adorable.
Here’s an exercise that will illustrate my point. The next time you are in a crowded area take a moment and casually look around at the men. Take at least 5 minutes and you will find that the men are all looking at the women. ALL OF THE WOMEN!
They will be looking at the tall ones, short ones, skinny ones, curvy ones and on and on and on…. Don’t take my word for it. Try it and see for yourself.
You will discover that as a woman, you have exactly what men are looking for. .