Who’s The Man In Your Relationship?

I am a very “bottom-line” person. I speak my mind. I call it as I see it, without all that flowery talk. While this communication style may be very useful in the workplace, I discovered it’s not a quality most men find endearing or attractive.

One evening, when I was in my early thirties, I had been on a date with a man I found rather obnoxious, superficial and patronizing. Admittedly, it was a really bad date. Completely unintentionally, Dirk said something that changed my life:

“You are one tough and powerful woman and I’ll bet you scare the shit out of most men.”

At that moment, Dirk stopped the car in front of my apartment building and leaned over to kiss me goodnight. I dodged him, slipped out of the door and ran for home, hoping to never see him again.

His final words to me became an audio loop in my head, playing over and over again.

“You are one tough and powerful woman and I’ll bet you scare the shit out of most men.”

Oy. Big fat hairy oy!

Until that moment I had never, ever thought of myself as tough or powerful. But the thought wouldn’t leave my mind. What if Dirk was right? What if that was exactly how I was showing up? Speechless, I was too embarrassed to discuss this new revelation with anyone.

A few weeks later, a girlfriend invited me to a lecture by Dr. Pat Allen, a psychologist with a reputation for providing women with “strict dating rules” that would, if followed precisely, lead to commitment and marriage. That was the promise that got me in the door of the auditorium in Westwood near the UCLA campus. What kept me coming back was Dr. Pat’s wise and wonderous conversation about “masculine and feminine energies.” It turns out that I was living and playing full out with my masculine energy of being practical, assertive and results-oriented while my receptive, creative and soft feminine energies had been locked away, hiding out in a corner of my heart I had yet to access.

Dr. Pat explained that both men and women possess both masculine and feminine energy and that it is totally appropriate for a woman to be in her masculine while working. However, when she wants to be with a masculine man, she needs to access her feminine energy to create harmony and desire. Wow. Now I was beginning to understand what Dirk meant, but how in the world did I go from being “me,” the only “me” I knew, to some “feminine” version of me? Did I have to twist myself all around to please men? Or was there a side of me, like the unknown frontier, just dying to be expressed?

I was determined to find out.

For the next several months, Tuesday nights with Dr. Pat became my new-found religion as I began to wrap my mind and heart around allowing the feminine in me to emerge. I have to admit it didn’t come easily. My default position to take control and make things happen didn’t want to “surrender” at the end of the workday and yet I knew that a big piece of my key to happiness was inextricably tied to the ability to surrender to that feminine energy that would complement a man’s. More than anything, I knew I had to learn to love through my deeper, receptive, feminine divine self.

I took up belly-dancing. What could possibly be more rooted in femininity and my own sensuality than that? Soon I could roll my hips and shake and shimmy my booty with the best of them, all the while still making demands and providing my opinions to the men in my life. The path to my inner Goddess seemed to be eluding me, but I felt no pressure to allow Her to emerge immediately. Because I wasn’t seriously involved with anyone at the time, I slowly stopped thinking about the “tough and powerful Arielle who scared men.”

Learning to access my feminine energies was a big leap and I believe also cleared the path for me to manifest my soulmate, Brian.

After we got married, we started a business together and I quickly discovered one thing that he used to do that just made me crazy. He always wanted to talk shop during dinner. The wanna-be Goddess in me had figured out that in order to embrace and exude my feminine energy, I needed to “drop” my masculine energy at the end of the workday. I created a soothing transition to create this transformation. After coming home from work, I would practice my belly-dancing before soaking in a long hot, aroma-infused bubble bath. Then I would put on a little make-up and a dress and we would go out for dinner. (For years, we ate out nearly every night). Often somewhere between soup and dessert Brian would begin discussing one of the books we were selling or negotiating. Generally, the conversation went like this:

Brian: I think the publisher’s offer for John’s next book will end up being close to $150,000, but they’re asking for world rights.

Arielle: That’s great, can we talk about it tomorrow when we are in the office?

Brian: Why? We’re here now and this is fun!

Arielle: Yes, it’s fun, but I really want to be done working for the day and I don’t want to put my brain into work mode.

And, often we would end up having a business conversation because it was easier than trying to explain something that I just couldn’t quite language in a way that Brian could hear. With each dinner conversation that turned to business, the knot in my stomach tightened and I prayed for guidance on how to explain to my super-cool new husband that my inner Goddess was starving for equal time.

After reading a few books and taking a workshop, we learned that to have a healthy relationship, we each can and should express both our masculine and feminine energies, depending on the situation. Outside of the workplace, Brian’s preferred expression is masculine and mine is feminine. Brian came to realize that his desire to talk shop at dinner came from his years in the development business, spending long nights with his partners hashing and re-hashing the finer points of a deal. That was fun for him. He quickly saw the value in nurturing and encouraging my expression of my feminine radiance and was quite willing to give up “shop talk” after hours. Since then, we have both benefited greatly from our choices…if you know what I mean!

So, ladies, look and see if you need to find a way to transition from your masculine workplace mode into feminine mode, and gentleman, be sure to encourage your women to be their most feminine selves with you so you can enjoy your own masculine mode.

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,


New! What to do if the magic has faded



On December 29th, I’m releasing what I think is

my best book ever on love and relationships:

Turn Your Mate Into Your Soulmate:
A Practical Guide To Happily Ever After

Go to this link to learn how you can order your copy today

and receive some really nice bonus gifts, too!


Has the magic faded from your relationship?

Have you had your feelings hurt so often that you’re beginning to question why you’re even together?

When you met the man of your dreams, you had such aspirations for how your life would be together. Maybe you imagined living in an endless blissful state of romantic dinners, adventure-packed vacations, and daily affirmations of love.

But perhaps reality has not quite lined up with your expectations.

Sure, there’s many good moments, but there’s also bickering, snide comments and even occasional feelings of loneliness and rejection.

What happened?

Wasn’t he supposed to be your soulmate?

Aren’t soulmates supposed to understand each other, support each other and know what the other needs to feel totally and completely loved and accepted??

I thought so, but I was wrong.

Before you begin to think you’ve made a horrible mistake and decide you want to break up, get divorced, move on, or end your search for your soulmate, I want to reveal something important about my own personal love story.

I also want to assure you that finding your soulmate and having good relationship skills are two completely different things. If you’re having challenges in love, there’s no reason to think you’ve ended up with the wrong person. There’s a way to get the magic back and turn your “mate” back into your “soulmate”, and you’ll find out how in a bit.

Buddha USBut first, my own tumultuous love story:

I’ve been married to my soulmate Brian for 17 years this year. It’s a deeply loving and fulfilling partnership today, but it wasn’t always that way! The first few years after we were married, I realized I had zero partnership skills.

After decades working as a successful publicist and entrepreneur, I had great “boss” skills, but that didn’t transfer too well in the marriage department. The end result of this was a lot of unintentional insults, tiresome bickering and frustration between Brian and me.

I would make plans for the both of us…and end up angering Brian because he wanted to be consulted first.

I would get caught up in emails and my own thoughts and made Brian feel unheard and unloved because I couldn’t look him in the eye when he spoke to me.

I thought I was being pro-active, and he thought I was overbearing.

I thought I was being creative and productive, and he thought I was distracted and a workaholic.

These are just a couple small examples of the kind of misunderstandings that were threatening the happiness of our marriage.

Having gotten married at the age of 44, I had become very used to having things my way, all the time. And it never occurred to me that Brian would want anything different from what I wanted.  It never occurred to me that we wouldn’t always see things “eye to eye”.

After all, weren’t we soulmates?

Weren’t we destined to easily and effortlessly live “happily ever after?”

Brian already seemed to naturally know how to make me feel heard, loved and respected.

It became obvious that I was the one who needed to discover new, better ways to listen, to communicate, to be considerate, and most importantly, to become a team player.

Sure, I had figured out how to experience the once-in-a-lifetime joy of finding my soulmate, but now I had to learn how to make my relationship thrive and grow into a joyous and sacred union.

I had to take personal responsibility for the success and longevity of my relationship.

Brian and I attended workshops and seminars, but what made the biggest difference was that I spent more that 130 hours interviewing the world’s top love and relationship experts for Evolving Wisdom’s Art of Love Series that I co-created and hosted for several years – many of them top researchers and social scientists who virtually never do interviews such as these…

Many of these experts became friends, and spent hours answering my endless questions and forever changing my understanding of love and how to make it last.

The result of these years of study (and personally road testing the various techniques and strategies to a happy marriage), are that Brian and I have grown closer and closer and are enjoying the best years of our marriage so far.

I knew that I wasn’t the only one going through these challenges, and I knew I absolutely had to share everything I learned so that others in the same situation could know that there’s HOPE for “happily ever after.”

This is why I decided to write down everything I learned and mastered in the last decade or so. The result is my latest (and in my opinion, most important) book:

Turn Your Mate Into Your Soulmate:
A Practical Guide To Happily Ever After

This comprehensive book reveals and explores the best advice, techniques and tips on how to handle everything from everyday squabbles and misunderstandings to the bigger problems that can ruin love and affection.

It will show you WHY you may be butting heads or unintentionally hurting each other, and give you practical, easy strategies that will ease tension and bring you and your partner closer than ever.

You’ll learn valuable tools such as:

  • How to ask for what you want and make him feel like a hero while you feel loved, adored and cherished (actual scripts and words that will work their magic every time).
  • What you can say to your man that will make him fall even crazier in love with you, and it’s probably already something you’re already thinking – you just need to express it the right way.
  • What he wants even more than sex (when you read this you may just fall out of your chair. I know I just about did!)
  • How our desire to be “right” is getting in the way of being loved, and what to do about it and feel happy and loved instead.
  • Why your partner maybe isn’t great at gift-giving or expressing his affection or being tender with touch – and why you shouldn’t worry about the depth of his love for you. How to understand and reciprocate his “love language”.
  • How a shift in perception can positively alter the course of your relationship and even the direction of your entire life.
  • The different types of soulmates, and how to know if your partner is the one with the expiration date.
  • How to get the spark back and kick up the fun, starting tonight.
  • And much more!

If you’re starting to feel disappointed and disillusioned about your soulmate relationship, don’t despair! All you need is the tools and strategies you’ll learn in my book, Turn Your Mate Into Your Soulmate: A Practical Guide To Happily Ever Afterto turn it all around.

Starting today, you can begin to enjoy the kind of easy, blissful union you always knew was possible, and always hoped you’d have with the love of your life.

Get Your Copy Now

Because I consider you, dear reader, one of my friends and I have a special offer for you:


When you order the book through this offer, you will instantly receive a free bonus package that includes special gifts from resources I consider to be among the “best of the best:”

Five part Video series (instant access) featuring:

John Gray

“How Woman Can Get Their Needs and Desires Met by Their Mate”

Dr. Pepper Schwartz

“How Sex Can Save Your Life”

Iyanla Van Zant

“The best way to apologize and how to forgive “

Gay & Katie Hendricks

“You’re Too Fat” (and other hard conversations to have)

Dr. Laura Berman

“How to Affair Proof Your Relationship”

Plus there are two great bonus audios (on sex and intimacy) and The Everything Book, an e-Book for you & your mate to fill out and exchange that shares juicy details of what you both most want!

Now here is the offer for YOU only (I’m not making this offer to anyone who is not on my newsletter list).

If you order the book via one of the online bookstores and you ALSO visit or call your favorite bookstore and order a hardcover of the book (all versions of the book will be available on December 29th), I personally guarantee that if you read the book and do not find it valuable and engaging, I will personally refund the cost of the hardcover book (the one that you bought at your favorite local bookstore) and you can keep the book.

All you would have to do it scan your paper receipt and send it to me in the weeks between January 15 – January 29th and I will send you the refund via PayPal. That is how certain I am of what this book can do for you.

As a lifelong book lover and lover of bookstores, it’s really important to me that we continue to buy books both online and especially through bookstores. So, if you want to turn YOUR mate into your soulmate, or dramatically improve all of your relationships (because, really, this stuff works with everyone in your life) AND help me have the best birthday ever by getting this baby out to the world, please click here to order one copy of Turn Your Mate Into Your Soulmate online and get your instant access to the bonuses, and then please, please visit or call your favorite bookstore to order the hardcover.

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,


P.S. I truly believe the information I’ve been blessed to share in my new book can help make anyone take their relationship go from ho-hum to happy, happy to ecstatic, and ecstatic to EXALTED – for life. And I’m so sure of that, I’m putting my money where my mouse is… haha.

Order online and get the great extra bonuses from some amazing colleagues and friends of mine here!

Exciting Announcement and a Favor…

Arielle here, with some news. I’m just a bit nervous about sharing it…

I’m starting a new project: A book where I’m pulling together the information and advice I’ve learned over the years, interviewing the best, most amazing, and cutting edge relationship experts.

I’m calling it, The Best Relationship Advice I’ve Ever Gotten.

I’m excited about this, and I want to make sure the book is as comprehensive and valuable as possible. Having been this deep into the experience (including using the skills in my own amazing relationship with Brian), I don’t want to miss the forest for the trees, and leave anything out.

That’s where you come in. I need your help in the form of feedback. Are you willing?

You can answer the questions here, and get some insider detail about the new book…

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,