Dancing with Hope (So Love Can Have More Love)

You are in for a treat today. My friend, Dr. Gary Sayler, has written a game-changing book, Safe To Love Again How to Release the Pain of Past Relationships and Create the Love You Deserve. 

In this book he skillfully illuminates the origins of the blocks to love so many suffer with, whether its around finding love or keeping love. This magnificent work offers practical, healing solutions that will put you on the path to deep and lasting love.  Today. Dr. Sayler has written a special blog for us that shares a big piece of his wisdom:

“If it’s not one stunt, it’s another!” Amy exclaimed in a defeated tone. “Every time I turn around, I’m being ghosted or stood up. What’s up with these guys? Why do I have to meet someone new every two weeks? Since when did two months become a long term relationship?” Then Amy voiced the real heartbreak beneath the tears—“Maybe it’s just better not looking for love . . .” With a heavy sigh, she continued, “I’m just going through the motions when it comes to finding my dream man. I feel empty—like I’ve lost all of my passion. Living for my kids seems to be my only option when it comes to feeling loved.” So how do we find love when hope is gone?

Over the years, I’ve learned that clients must dance with hope if they’re going to waltz love into their lives. Nothing is more debilitating than feeling like we’re never going to be loved. Our generation is filled with people who no longer believe they can find love. Many don’t feel like they deserve love anymore. If they hope at all, they’re resigned to finding someone who won’t give them the deep connection they deserve. What’s the answer to such hopelessness?

We can take a big clue from Attachment Theory—the science of how brains are wired to love and be loved. There are three styles in which people typically create relationships; secure, anxious, or avoidant. Those with a secure love style feel really safe in a relationship. The anxious, however, are constantly worried that love will go away. These types constantly ask, “Do you still love me?” And last, but not least, avoidant people run from intimate, close relationships. You will know them as Mr. or Ms. Unavailable.

Most love styles are created by the time we’re a year old. Something told us as babies whether we were loved or not. Whatever tells a baby’s brain that someone loves them surely can’t be as complex as dating site algorithms suggest. A secure brain uses four key feelings to know when it’s loved. Moreover, these feelings remain your brain’s GPS for love for life. If your brain is using other feelings like unworthy or un-cherished, you change them at some point. Love doesn’t have to be as complex as we imagine.

It’s only when we don’t use our brain’s natural GPS for love that things get hopeless. One client, Rachel, described it like this—“I think love is impossible for me to find because I misread the signs. It’s like I’m distracted from seeing love the way it is. I get flooded by feelings like excitement or passion. It’s as if true love gets hidden behind all of my emotional clutter.” When you are uncluttered, these feelings tell your brain when it’s loved: Welcomed with Joy, Worthy and Nourished, Cherished and Protected, and Empowered with Choice. These are your original love GPS!

Welcomed with Joy happens when someone lights up in your presence. Your partner wakes up in the morning saying, “Good morning, Gorgeous!” At night, they’ll notice your mood and offer to hold you in their arms—just because you’re home again. You’re invited to share your feelings and your thoughts. This makes your relationship a cozy oyster, and your beloved a warm, comfy sanctuary for life. Welcome creates regular rituals of connection, like the kiss goodbye and the passionate caress when you get home. When you feel welcomed, your relationship feels warm and inviting.

Worthy and Nourished means it’s okay to reach out with your needs and to have them bountifully met. When you’re loved, you feel esteemed and deserving by your partner. This empowers you to ask for your needs to be met. What’s more, your beloved will actively notice your needs and keep track of your requests. Lasting love knows your patterns, preferences, and dreams in depth. You will feel special, heard, and felt.

You feel Cherished and Protected when your partner wants to fully support you. You get to be your best me in a mutually supportive We. There’s a feeling of freedom without any sense that you must go it alone. You’re emboldened to explore the outermost edges of who you were meant to be. Independence is not an end unto itself. There’s no thought that you must sacrifice your me to be a We. You feel celebrated, honored, valued, and sheltered by your partner. There’s a home port in your beloved’s heart for you. Notice, too, that there must be a We for couples to feel truly loved. Noticing if someone is capable of creating a deep partnership will make you feel wiser and safer.

Empowered with Choice is the fourth signpost. It’s okay to speak up and express your full self when you’re loved. There’s a sense of confidence that you can craft what you most want. You’re able to explore the possibilities of life and co-create an inner reality together. You get a say in things. You can be decisive because they share influence with you. Both partners get to have their wins in the relationship.

Imagine going into a date using these secure feelings as your new compass for love, rather than the list. Just because a date is a certain height or has a good career doesn’t mean you hit the jackpot. The lottery of love is always these four wonderful feelings that create real, lasting love. Once you become the master of noticing and creating the feelings of secure love, you’ll naturally pick better dates, get out of bad relationships sooner, and know the secret for keeping love strong. That’s the day hope becomes authentic and empowering.

This new way of attracting and keeping love—and actually creating real hope—I call Safe to Love Again. You can know deep in your heart that you’re both worthy and able to find the love you want—and keep it! When you experience that, you know there’s HOPE! Best of all, lasting love can waltz its way into your life sooner rather than never.

Anyone ready to dance with hope and find real love?

If you have trouble finding love or keeping love, this book, Safe to Love Again: How to Release the Pain of Past Relationships and Create the Love You Deserve, by Dr. Gary Sayler, is worth reading: BUY IT HERE!

 

Why You Need A Personal Bouncer

We all know the importance of clearing clutter from our home, office, closets, garage, etc. to create more ease, flow, and success in our lives… but what you probably don’t know is that it’s critical to clear another kind of clutter: People.

 

We need to clear out the emotionally draining, toxic, judgmental, crazy-making, and/or even boring, uninspiring people from our lives.

 

Who’s In Your Room is a new book from my dear friends, both powerhouse personal growth leaders, Stewart Emery and Ivan Misner.

 

Several years ago, at a Transformational Leadership Council gathering, I heard Stewart speak on this topic and it completely changed my life. He said that we should look at our life as if it is a room with only one door, no exits. Once someone walks into our life, they really never leave (even if we think we have deleted them the thoughts, feelings, and experiences we have had with them live on in our brain). Therefore, we have to begin to carefully curate ‘who” we allow into our “room,” and we may even use a bodyguard or two stationed outside our room to make sure that we only allow in those that share our values.

 

After I heard Stewart speak I began to think about all the people in my “room” that were energy sucking emotional vampires or chaotic drama queens, etc. And, for the first time, I seriously began to think about the importance of making my room (i.e. my life), a sacred space to share with like-minded family and friends who share my values. It was mind-blowing!

 

I am so thrilled that this is now available as a book (it’s a very short, easy to read book). It is so important to understand that “who” you allow into your “room” will impact the quality of the rest of your life.

 

I consider Who’s In Your Room a must read for everyone focused on living a long, healthy and happy life.

Can Prayer Save Your Life?

Although she passed away five years ago, my sister, the beloved spiritual teacher Debbie Ford, has left a powerful legacy with her new book, YOUR HOLINESS.

Through world-renowned medium, James Van Praagh, I received a clear message that she wanted to share with the world a life-changing prayer book. I had no idea that she had written such a book, but once James shared the messages, a quick search unearthed this beautiful, enlightening, and inspiring work.

What you may not know about Debbie and WHY she wrote this book:

Decades ago, Debbie was a drug addict.

At a certain point she knew that if she didn’t get help, she was going to die.

On the tenth day of her 4th rehab center, she was getting ready to run away in search of drugs. Instead, she went into a bathroom, with a very dirty floor, she got on her hands and knees and prayed, and God responded and gave her the strength to get sober.

In this recently discovered book, Debbie combines motivational prayers with deeply personal stories about her own spiritual journey. She translates her experience into a practical path for transformation.

This book is very prescriptive and will lead you back to your inner wisdom and Divine Self. This book is for anyone who yearns to be closer to God, and/or suffers with hard or soft addictions, self-loathing, self-sabotage, and also anyone with a desire to be deeply connected to their highest and true divine self.

In this book Debbie writes:

“What you are seeking at the deepest level exists inside of you, in the quietude of your own inner world, in the privacy of your own sweet heart. So now it’s your responsibility, your holy responsibility, to encode your consciousness with thoughts, feelings and images that will support you in creating the perfect internal environment to cultivate a deep and intimate relationship with the one you call God. This is the force that loves you, cheers for you and wants it all for you. In a world where love leaves as quickly as it comes, you can rest now, knowing that you have found a love that will never leave you, never misguide you, and never ever let you down. My advice, dear friend, is take great care of that Love. It will give you everything you’ve been looking for.”

At a time of such uncertainty and suffering, Debbie’s words ground us in the here and now with its timeless and empowering message of relentless love and strength.

When you buy the book, you will receive amazing bonuses, including a very deep and personal video interview I recently did with her (via James Van Praagh), audio’s of her meditations, and more.

Click Here to get your copy PLUS bonuses!

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle

Exciting Announcement and a Favor…

Arielle here, with some news. I’m just a bit nervous about sharing it…

I’m starting a new project: A book where I’m pulling together the information and advice I’ve learned over the years, interviewing the best, most amazing, and cutting edge relationship experts.

I’m calling it, The Best Relationship Advice I’ve Ever Gotten.

I’m excited about this, and I want to make sure the book is as comprehensive and valuable as possible. Having been this deep into the experience (including using the skills in my own amazing relationship with Brian), I don’t want to miss the forest for the trees, and leave anything out.

That’s where you come in. I need your help in the form of feedback. Are you willing?

You can answer the questions here, and get some insider detail about the new book…

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle

The 3 steps to getting ANY guy to commit to you (+ a present for you!)

This year something big is happening. 

My friend Matthew Hussey, the star of NBC’s new show Ready For Love is quickly becoming famous in America.

If you haven’t heard of him yet, you soon will.

Eva Longoria read his brand new book and called him “a genius who has cracked the code on men and relationships.”

He’s blowing up.

Luckily for us, I knew him BEFORE he got big ; )

He created a system to get women a date with the guy they want within 30 days, and then keep him! It gives you the behind the scenes secrets to how men think, and how to have your ideal guy chasing you for a relationship.

It’s a fool-proof guide for transforming the state of your love life.

The great news for us is that he’s put his famous advice in his brand new book ‘Get The Guy’, available on Amazon now.

EXCITING NEWS FOR YOU…

As a present for my followers, I have a free chapter from his book for you to read.

In this free chapter, you’ll learn:

– Why he thinks he’s not ready to commit
– Why men say they can’t commit and then marry the next woman they meet
– The 3 tips to get ANY man to commit (even if right now he’s unsure)

This free chapter is a genuine MUST read.

There’s no catch, just enjoy this chapter from the book. If you want the rest, feel free to grab a copy of your own!