Self-Love is the hot topic in the personal growth movement these days and when it comes to finding soulmate love, there are a lot of myths including this one:
“Until you love yourself first, you won’t be able to get anyone else to love you.”
Can this really be true?
My experience has been that most women and some men (at least in the Northern hemisphere) live with a negative, critical voice in their head that is often filled with ugly, shaming thoughts, self-doubt, and brings with it feelings of never being “good enough.”
And, I began to wonder, do you really have to eliminate that persistent voice in order to find true love?
Do we really need to be 100% in love with ourselves to experience Big Love?
I don’t think so.
What is required is to learn how to “talk back” to that voice and create strategies to love yourself more and better. This includes a big dose of self-awareness so that when the “voice surfaces” you kick its butt!
For instance, you walk past a mirror and immediately react by thinking “God, you look like a total piece of $#it today.”
Walk back to the mirror, give yourself a big smile and blow yourself a kiss and say something warm and loving to your reflection.
This is being self-soothing.
Over time, you can change your habitual negative thinking by in-putting loving and uplifting thoughts and beliefs about yourself.
(And please, never forget that just because you have a thought does not make it true!)
Now, as for soulmate love, one of the greatest, most awesome things about living your life with your soulmate is that you begin to heal each other in unimaginable ways.
When you spend time with someone who loves all of you – the good, the bad and the ugly, you begin to love yourself even more.
When you witness the love they have for you, you begin to feel more love for yourself.
And the truth is, even when you are with your soulmate/life-partner, there will still be days when that negative voice appears. If you are “waiting“ to actively seek your soulmate until you are madly in love with yourself, you could be waiting a very long time.
Plus, this is a very selfish thing to do.
Why? Because just as you desire to spend your life with your soulmate, they are also seeking you. And, if you are secluded at home, on the couch, watching mindless reality TV, they can’t find you!
Now, while learning to love yourself a little bit more and more, it’s also important to know that once you manifest the love of your life, you teach them how to treat you by the way they witness how you treat yourself.
I learned this from my husband Brian. Once we got married and began living together, I noticed how he always prioritized his health and wellbeing. At first, I made up stories about how selfish he was because he wasn’t always flexible about the time he took to meditate and exercise. When I finally asked him about it his response floored me. He explained that by sticking to his personal care schedule, he was able to fill himself up so that the rest of the day he had more love and more energy to give to me, and the rest of the world.
Wow. What an insight that was for me. I soon began to follow in his footsteps.
Self-love is important but total self-love, all the time, is not a pre-requisite to soulmate love.
If your soul is calling for a soulmate, the voice in your head shouldn’t be a barrier to love.
Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,
P.S. If your heart’s desire is sending you signals you are ready for Big Love, get yourself an early Christmas present. Check out my 12 week online course, The Love Codes.