The Alchemy of Tragedy

I wasn’t born an optimist.

In fact… quite the opposite.

I was a moody, sullen, often seriously depressed child and young adult.

One night, at age 26, I decided that I was going to find the secret of happiness.

I was at a party in Coconut Grove, Florida, at the waterfront home of a millionaire, surrounded by people seemingly having a great time. I felt like such an outsider amidst the laughing, smiling party-goers. I had never felt so alone.

I wanted to have a great time, I just didn’t know how.

I thought it was something that just “happened” to lucky people.

In that moment, as I stood on the dock overlooking beautiful Biscayne Bay, I promised myself that I would do whatever it took to discover the secret to happiness.

During the next several years I went to therapy, read a lot of books, attended workshops and discovered that most of the time happiness is a choice. Even when really bad stuff is happening!

I found out that I am an HSP – a highly sensitive person and essentially very shy. I had to break through my fear of people and really make an effort to learn how to connect, make small talk, and allow myself to “be seen.”

It wasn’t easy but on a deep intuitive level I knew that in order to live, I had to be willing to do what the amazing Dr. Susan Jeffers advised, “feel the fear and do it anyway.”

And eventually I radically evolved into a happy, outgoing, optimist.

On a soul level I discovered that I could source my own happiness, in spite of the circumstances.

I now believe that I live in a friendly Universe.

During the past five months of Pandemic lockdown, I really have had to dig deep to recoup my core happiness.

Part of my process has been to give myself permission to say no to everyone and everything that I didn’t have the energy for. (which was nearly everyone and everything).
Even though I had been brought up to believe that it’s selfish to think of yourself first, it became clear to me that my survival depended on my ability to give myself a new and deep level of love and selfcare.

And then, slowly, I began to notice, moments of joy popping up.

  • I found the ability to smile and laugh again.
  • I discovered I was having more moments of ok’ness than not.
  • And, I made major changes in the way I “do” life.

I started resting much more and only making plans a few hours at a time. I gave up thinking (or worrying) about the future (or about the past and what I no longer could do).

Not only am I happy again, I am physically restored, and the Universe sends me near-daily signs that I am on the right track. My creative projects are flowing, ideas appear like gifts from the heavens and I mostly feel peaceful.

While I could say this has been a very difficult time in my life, in many unexpected ways it has also been surprisingly good.

How is this possible?

Because the positive lifestyle changes that I’ve made, will impact the rest of my life and most likely wouldn’t have happened without the loss of my former “normal” lifestyle.

These times have helped me find “gold” during this collective dark night of the soul. Many of these tried and true maxims seem to be coming true:

  • There is always a silver lining.
  • Make lemonade out of lemons.
  • There’s a pony in here somewhere (when the room you are in is full of manure).
  • Have an attitude of gratitude.
  • When one door closes, another opens.
  • This is a blessing in disguise.

Where have you found “gold” in the world as we currently know it?

Wishing you love, laughter & magical kisses,


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