Someone once said, “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably, they’re both disappointed.”
If you’re marrying in the belief that it will make your life significantly better, then things probably aren’t great to begin with. Only you can make yourself happy and when you are happy, and you are with your soulmate/life partner, that is the icing on the cake.
That said, there are always ways to improve your relationship, reignite the fun and passion, and rekindle your commitment, especially when you understand the “real purpose of marriage.”
Oprah calls relationship expert, Harville Hendrix, “the marriage whisperer,” and he is one of my favorite love experts. Harville teaches that the real purpose of marriage is for each of us to heal our childhood wounds. He says that our brain has a built-in “mate-selector” and that we choose someone that has the playbook to push all of our buttons. And…
Harville explains that there will be times when their behavior replicates the worst of our early caregivers.
So the truth about a soulmate marriage is that it’s biggest purpose is for us to heal each other.
Yes, there will be plenty of blissful days and wonderful times and there will also be days where you really don’t like your soulmate at all…in fact you may even hate them temporarily. And this is normal.
And it doesn’t mean you don’t love them.
So, what is true love?
“True love is loving the person for what they love, who they are, for what they stand for. If you go into a marriage loving what you love, not what they love, that is not love. Real love is not finding someone to hold your hand and find common ground with; the institution of marriage is to push you out of your comfort zone, to lift you up above what you need, so you can provide what you’re needed for,” explains Rabbi Baruch Ezagui.
He says “marriage is the highest calling of mankind. It includes the marriage between body and soul, heaven and earth, spirit and matter, one human and another.“
When you are faced with challenging times in your marriage, first remember that this is normal, and then step into the bigger picture and provide what you are most needed for.
Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,