Married for 85 Years… THAT is Wabi Sabi Love

Wondering how to make love last? Read this inspiring story from

Meet Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher of North Carolina. They have been married 85 years (86 in May of 2009) and hold the Guinness World Record for the longest marriage of a living couple and get this…. Zelmyra is 101 years old and Herbert is 104.

The happily married couple teamed up with twitter this Valentine’s Day to answer some relationship questions. Check out their take on finding love, getting through hard times and more. Good read.

1. What made you realize that you could spend the rest of your lives together? Were you scared at all?

H & Z: With each day that passed, our relationship was more solid and secure.Divorce was NEVER an option – or even a thought.

2. How did you know your spouse was the right one for you?

We grew up together & were best friends before we married. A friend is for life – our marriage has lasted a lifetime

3. Is there anything you would do differently after more than 80 years of marriage?

We wouldn’t change a thing. There’s no secret to our marriage, we just did what was needed for each other & our family.

4. What is your advice to someone who is trying to keep the faith that Mr. Right is really out there?

Zelmyra: Mine was just around the corner! He is never too far away, so keep the faith – when you meet him, you’ll know.

5. What was the best piece of marriage advice you ever received?

Respect, support & communicate with each other.Be faithful, honest & true.Love each other with ALL of your heart

6. What are the most important attributes of a good spouse?

Zelmyra: A hard worker & good provider.The 1920s were hard,but Herbert wanted & provided the best for us.I married a good man!

7. What is your best Valentine’s Day memory?

Zelmyra: I cook dinner EVERY day.Herbert left work early & surprised me – he cooked dinner for me! He is a VERY good cook!

Herbert: I said that I was going to cook dinner for her & she could relax – the look on her face & clean plate made my day!

8. You got married very young – how did u both manage to grow as individuals yet not grow apart as a couple?

“Everyone who plants a seed & harvests the crop celebrates together” We are individuals, but accomplish more together.

9. What is your fondest memory of your 85-year marriage?

Our legacy: 5 children, 10 grandchildren, 9 great-grandchildren, and 1 great-great grandchild.

10. Does communicating get easier with time? How do you keep your patience?

The children are grown, so we talk more now. We can enjoy our time on the porch or our rocking chairs – together.

11. How did you cope when you had to be physically separated for long periods of time?

Herbert: We were apart for 2 months when Z was hospitalized with our 5th child. It was the most difficult time of my life. Zelmyra’s mother helped me with the house and the other children, otherwise I would have lost my mind.

12. At the end of bad relationship day, what is the most important thing to remind yourselves?

Remember marriage is not a contest – never keep a score. God has put the two of you together on the same team to win

13. Is fighting important?

NEVER physically! Agree that it’s okay to disagree, & fight for what really matters. Learn to bend – not break!

14. What’s the one thing you have in common that transcends everything else?

We are both Christians & believe in God.Marriage is a commitment to the Lord.We pray with & for each other every day.


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5 Responses to Married for 85 Years… THAT is Wabi Sabi Love

  1. Gail Ordes says:

    God Bless ya’ll for such a beautiful and successful marriage. I also married my best friend and we are still together for 38yrs now. I don’t know if we will make it to your age but, we do think alike in our marriage vows. Amen and many blessings to you both.

  2. mercy amma says:

    am awed by such a marriage. This uterly a miracle. Though am not married due to failures in past relationships i nearly gave up on marriage but i thank God that after reading this piece i’ve had a change of mind that there is hope all i need to do is have faith. Thank you n God bless u.

  3. Susan says:

    The last statement about God and it being a commitment to God has been my hardest struggle with going through my divorce. When I got married it was supposed to be a lifetime, til death do us part. I now understamd that God allows for divorce in certain situations but He does not like it. Thanks for sharing this amazing story with us!

  4. Tom Stuehler says:

    this book sounds wonderful. i would like to know how i could buy it by the case and get that kind of price. I am a caterer in Baltimore Washington Area and have also been with Deepak Chopra taking courses and i am a life Mastry Coach with Mary Morrisey. I am just beginning to move in this rhelm and i would give your book to my bridal Couples as a gift and also an invitation to join me in a sequence of courses that i intend to make available in my catering facilities.

    I can’t wait to read your book. I too am yearning to do mush more with the same passion that i founded and have run my businesses. Your story in already inspiring me into action. You are my coach and we have never met but i look forward to it one day.
    much love and
    Best to you
    Tom Stuehler Baltimore/Washiington
    La Fontaine Bleue Owner

  5. christine says:

    I told my boyfriend that our relationship was different because we were not out to change each other. We are always best friends first and we are always truthful and supportive on a bad day. He does things for me I do things for him. This works well when we have something we cannot accomplish alone..its too hard for each of us to do alone but we find we can do more when we share the load. Space, alone time, and separate individuals is fine but sharing is how we get things done. There is nothing that large it is worth fighting over just to win. In the end neither one wins. That is why I know he is the one.
    These two know all this.