Wabi Sabi Love

I am not always the world’s greatest listener.

I often drift. It’s not intentional. It’s just that there are so many thoughts and ideas in my head, my attention gets diverted.

And, I have a bad habit of multi-tasking.

This doesn’t go unnoticed.

Early on in my marriage to Brian, he would often say to me “you’re not listening.” I would get defensive, disagree and most of the time would be able to repeat back to him his last sentence….but he was right.

I may have heard him but my attention was divided between whatever he was saying and the words in my head. Brian is about as easy going as a human being can be, but my “not listening” was a real challenge for both of us.

One day, as I caught a look of disappointment on his face when he caught me (again) drifting, I suddenly realized, “if I don’t learn to really listen to him, he will find someone who will.”

I began to really look at my issue and realized my drifting was not only a bad habit that needed to be corrected, but that active listening is an act of love, something I wasn’t giving.

I wish I could tell you that I am now the world’s greatest listener.  I’ve gotten much better and even though there is always room for improvement I can tell by Brian’s demeanor that he feels heard and loved.

Recently, my friend Dave Ellis gave a talk to a bunch of us attending the Transformational Leadership Council meeting in Hawaii on “Listening for Brilliance.”  He challenged us to first write down our own ideas of what “listening for brilliance” could possibly be. Here’s what I (and others) came up with:

Listen like they are the most important person in the world to you.

Listen so they feel totally seen and heard.

Listen for and from love.

Listen for a message from God.

Listen like it matters.

Listen like it will save my life.

Listen like a lover on a first date.

Listen without an agenda.

I began to imagine how I would feel if every time I spoke, my words were received like this! This conversation about listening really opened my heart and my ears to greater possibilities to become a better listener in all of my relationships.

How will being a better listener transform your relationships?

Here’s an inspiring video from Dave on Soulful Listening

 

 

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