{"id":669,"date":"2013-04-15T23:08:24","date_gmt":"2013-04-15T23:08:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/www.soulmatesecret.com\/wabisabilove\/?p=669"},"modified":"2014-06-22T19:17:15","modified_gmt":"2014-06-22T19:17:15","slug":"how-are-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.arielleford.com\/wabisabilove\/2013\/04\/15\/how-are-you\/","title":{"rendered":"How Are You?"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Arielle Ford<\/em><\/p>\n

I feel distressed when people ask me the simple question, \u201cHow are you?\u201d<\/p>\n

What was once the easiest question in the world for me to answer has now become the hardest.<\/p>\n

In the past, my answer was always some enthusiastic version of \u201clife\u2019s great.\u201d
\nAnd it was.
\nThe way my life has turned out has exceeded every hope, wish, or dream I\u2019ve ever had and then some.<\/p>\n

However, since my sister Debbie\u2019s death, it is a nightmare to hear the question,\u00a0 \u201chow are you?\u201d<\/p>\n

That is because I have two kinds of days these days:<\/p>\n

On some days I am sad, depressed and weepy. On the other days I feel almost normal\u2026.I can think straight finally and although I am not \u201chappy\u201d I am certain that my core happiness is still in me and eventually I will be happy again.<\/p>\n

The problem with \u201chow are you?\u201d is that if I am having a sad day, and the person asking isn\u2019t one of a small handful of people that I feel comfortable sharing my \u201ctruth\u201d with, I am at a loss for what to say without being disingenuous.<\/p>\n

If I am having one of my \u201calmost normal\u201d days, I also don\u2019t know what to say. Even though I may feel okay, or even remotely hopeful, I am still grieving and it just does not feel right to be my normal optimistic self. In fact,\u00a0 somehow the question alone can trigger me into having a sad day.<\/p>\n

A friend of mine has tried to convince me that the question is just a \u201csocial nicety\u201d and doesn\u2019t really need much of a response, yet I haven\u2019t yet figured out a \u201cstock\u201d answer that can move the conversation along quickly.<\/p>\n

I realize that most people asking genuinely care, but often they want to know a whole lot more that I am willing to share.\u00a0 Plus nearly everyone I know either knew my sister, or knew of her, and many are going through their own feelings of loss and are in need of comfort themselves. It\u2019s really difficult for me to acknowledge this\u2014and I guess it\u2019s another reason I am troubled by the \u201chow are you\u201d question \u2013 but I just don\u2019t have it in me to help others feel better right now. And I feel pressured by social niceties.<\/p>\n

I know if my sister would tell me to just allow myself to feel my pain, the loss, and the need for privacy and not worry about others at this time. She would say, \u201cYou are lovable\u2026 even when you are struggling and even when you are not feeling like a nice person.\u201d<\/p>\n

One of the most difficult conversations I have been getting pulled into is conversations about \u201cwhat grieving is about.\u201d\u00a0 In those scenerios, people try to offer recommendations and \u201csupport.\u201d\u00a0 I know people think<\/em> they are comforting me, but they really aren\u2019t. I find it draining and uncomfortable.<\/p>\n

I began life as an introvert but made a conscious decision to study extroverts until I became one myself.\u00a0\u00a0 In the past few months I feel myself reverting back to my introverted ways. I just don\u2019t have the inclination or energy to share myself.\u00a0 I think it is just where I need to be at this moment in time.\u00a0 According to many experts in the know, this it totally normal.\u00a0 I suppose this is normal but honestly, normal or not, it\u2019s just how I am right now.<\/p>\n

So, I am grateful for caller ID\u2014and friends, loved ones, and acquaintances who are kind, understanding, and aware enough to know that sometimes the best way to support someone through a process like this is to just allow them their space. And to not feel compelled to ask that dreaded question, \u201chow are you?\u201d<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Arielle Ford I feel distressed when people ask me the simple question, \u201cHow are you?\u201d What was once the easiest question in the world for me to answer has now become the hardest. In the past, my answer was always some enthusiastic version of \u201clife\u2019s great.\u201d And it was. The way my life has […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[25,11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-669","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-conflict","category-truth"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.arielleford.com\/wabisabilove\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/669","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.arielleford.com\/wabisabilove\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.arielleford.com\/wabisabilove\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.arielleford.com\/wabisabilove\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.arielleford.com\/wabisabilove\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=669"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.arielleford.com\/wabisabilove\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/669\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":770,"href":"https:\/\/www.arielleford.com\/wabisabilove\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/669\/revisions\/770"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.arielleford.com\/wabisabilove\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=669"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.arielleford.com\/wabisabilove\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=669"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.arielleford.com\/wabisabilove\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=669"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}