{"id":589,"date":"2012-06-10T17:17:00","date_gmt":"2012-06-10T17:17:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/www.soulmatesecret.com\/wabisabilove\/?p=589"},"modified":"2014-06-22T19:17:15","modified_gmt":"2014-06-22T19:17:15","slug":"is-your-marriage-good-for-your-health","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.arielleford.com\/wabisabilove\/2012\/06\/10\/is-your-marriage-good-for-your-health\/","title":{"rendered":"Is your marriage good for your health?"},"content":{"rendered":"

When it comes to the link between marriage and health, the newest research indicates that only one question really matters:<\/p>\n

Is your marriage good for your health?\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>While it\u2019s true that marriage boosts health at a statistical level, as an individual you only get that health advantage if your marriage is a happy one, recent research shows. A stressful marriage may in fact cost you your health. In a New York Times magazine article<\/a>, Tara Parker-Pope cites study findings that correlate the heart-damaging effects of a bad marriage to those of \u201ca regular smoking habit.\u201d<\/p>\n

Summarizing multiple studies, she adds, \u201ca number of epidemiological studies suggest that unhappily married couples are at higher risk for heart attacks and cardiovascular disease than happily married couples.\u201d<\/p>\n

Marital strife also appears to weaken immune response. In two studies at the Ohio State University College of Medicine, immune response, monitored with blood samples, was consistently lower in couples when they were discussing \u201chot button\u201d issues like money or in-laws. The couples with the highest levels of hostility toward each other demonstrated a weakened immune response over a two-day period, suggesting that the strain of a conflict-ridden marriage has lasting effects on your body\u2019s ability to defend itself against infection, germs and disease.<\/p>\n

A separate study at the University of Utah found that bad marriages are especially dangerous to women\u2019s health, putting unhappy wives at greater risk for metabolic syndrome, a scary cluster of high risk heart symptoms (high blood pressure, high triglycerides, and high blood pressure coupled with abdominal fat and more). Similarly, a Swedish study that tracked 300 women hospitalized for chest pains or heart attack found that those who reported the highest levels of marital stress were almost three times as likely to have another heart attack or require bypass or some other procedure.<\/p>\n

While heart disease wasn\u2019t consistently linked to men in bad marriages, in multiple studies unhappy husbands (and wives) were more likely to demonstrate symptoms of depression.<\/p>\n

For better (or worse), these findings are just the beginning. The volume of research on the health-depleting effects of a bad marriage is considerable, begging an important question:<\/p>\n

If a bad marriage is so damaging to your (and your spouse\u2019s) cardiovascular and mental health, how do you keep your own marriage healthy?<\/p>\n

One answer is to embrace Wabi Sabi<\/a>, an ancient Japanese aesthetic of finding beauty in the flaws, imperfections and inconsistencies, of ourselves and our partner. In Wabi Sabi Love (and marriage), you learn to shift your perspective around the things that might frustrate or annoy you. When you practice Wabi Sabi love you become willing to see your mate\u2019s behavior through a new, gentler, and kinder lens. Chances are you see their behavior as \u201cwrong or bad.\u201d But, imagine for a moment that this behavior exists solely to teach you how to become a more loving, compassionate person. Can you find the gift of that behavior?<\/p>\n

Even at its most Wabi Sabi, however, marriage involves some conflict. Living \u201chappily ever after\u201d every second of every day is a fantasy no one can sincerely live out. Not to mention, a study at the Harvard School of Public Health concluded that \u201chealthy anger\u201d may be a scientific reality. It\u2019s when anger is at either end of the spectrum, whether it\u2019s withheld (not expressed) or raging too loudly too often, that it appears to increase the risk of heart disease, particularly in men.<\/p>\n

The answer to the riddle of whether your marriage supports your health, then, isn\u2019t pretending that you and your spouse will spend the rest of your days in the warm glow of marital bliss. Rather, a \u201chealthy marriage\u201d means learning to express anger respectfully while also deepening your connection and sharing your lives\u2014and your home, families, money, careers, and bed sheets\u2014in more loving and supportive ways.<\/p>\n

To help you navigate conflict healthfully, here are some Wabi Sabi tips for having constructive (as opposed to destructive) discussions about your \u201chot button\u201d topics:<\/p>\n

1. \u00a0 Try to fight fairly and openly. According to research at the University of Utah, the emotional tone of your fights really matters. For women, even small signs of affection, like a gentle touch or term of endearment (as in, \u201cHoney, stop being such a nag!\u201d), allows wives to process their husband\u2019s anger in a way that doesn\u2019t damage heart health. For men, heart health was jeopardized when fights turned into battles for control.<\/p>\n

2. \u00a0Have a little laugh. Chances are, for every time he\u2019s put your delicates in the dryer, you\u2019ve misplaced the car keys. Remember, too, that he was trying to take care of you by helping with the laundry\u2014and dryer or not, clean skivvies are better than dirty ones!<\/p>\n

3. \u00a0 Pause before you \u201cdrip, drip, drip.\u201d Constantly subjecting your spouse to negative comments, insults and criticism puts both of your health at risk. Next time you\u2019re tempted to bemoan the forever-drifting toothpaste cap, remember that she neglected to put the cap on because she was rushing off to work to help support your life together.<\/p>\n

At its best Wabi Sabi marriage (and love in all forms) is about embracing the imperfections in each other, and in your life together. It\u2019s the art of welcoming each other as human beings\u2014flaws, foibles and all\u2014to make room for deeper love and connection. It\u2019s also, recent research suggests, a need so basic, your very health may depend upon it.<\/p>\n

Finding examples of Wabi Sabi in your every day life brings peace in the midst of your current challenge? \u00a0Click here to download my newest Wabi Sabi Love Feelingization. \u00a0I will send your recording right to you.<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

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When it comes to the link between marriage and health, the newest research indicates that only one question really matters: Is your marriage good for your health?\u00a0 While it\u2019s true that marriage boosts health at a statistical level, as an individual you only get that health advantage if your marriage is a happy one, recent […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[57,56],"class_list":["post-589","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-marriage","tag-depression-and-heart-disease","tag-marriage-and-health"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.arielleford.com\/wabisabilove\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/589","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.arielleford.com\/wabisabilove\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.arielleford.com\/wabisabilove\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.arielleford.com\/wabisabilove\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.arielleford.com\/wabisabilove\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=589"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.arielleford.com\/wabisabilove\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/589\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":776,"href":"https:\/\/www.arielleford.com\/wabisabilove\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/589\/revisions\/776"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.arielleford.com\/wabisabilove\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=589"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.arielleford.com\/wabisabilove\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=589"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.arielleford.com\/wabisabilove\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=589"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}