Snuggling for Long Lasting Love

For my podcast, BIG LOVE, I just interviewed Dr. Helen Fisher, one of the world’s leading researchers on love and the brain. She is a Senior Research Fellow at the Kinsey Institute and Chief Scientific advisor to Match.com, plus she has written six bestsellers on romantic love and sex.

Dr. Fisher uses MRI’s to actually see into the brains of couples and observe if they are still in love, or not, by the way the brain lights up.

One of the most fascinating things she discovered is that the state of “being in love” can actually last a lifetime and she has the science to prove it. (in the podcast, she explains how and why).

Staying in love requires some active practices including doing novel things together, planned sex (don’t wait to be spontaneous or in the mood), and one of my favorites, snuggling!

According to Dr. Fisher we should watch TV and movies together on a couch large enough for two so that we are embracing.

“When we’re touched by a romantic partner, we experience a surge in the hormone oxytocin, often called the “love hormone,” in the brain, which helps to sustain feelings of deep attachment. Walk arm in arm, hold hands, put your foot gently on top of the other person’s under the table, or learn to sleep in the other person’s arms, advises Dr. Fisher. “We’ve evolved all kinds of brain mechanisms to fall madly in love and stay in love,” she says, and touch is high among them.”

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle

Love Yourself Most

My amazing friend, Sheri Salata, is a deep, loving, soulful woman who had the career of her dreams for 21 years including titles as Executive Producer of the Oprah Show and co-CEO of OWN network. When she decided to move on and “produce” her own life she was one hundred pounds overweight, no man in site, and nearly 57 years old. Today her book, The Beautiful No, arrives in stores, and I’ve invited her to be a guest blogger on the topic of

What I Know About Love.

Let me cut to the chase.

I never really internalized the wisdom” you’ve gotta love yourself first and then”. I would nod my head in agreement, but it didn’t land in my bones.

It sounded right and I would pay it lip service but that was about it. And I think I was not alone. There are a whole bunch of us who, when being really honest, are puzzled by the concept. What does it mean to love ourselves first? What kind of love is it?

For decades and decades, I waited to be anointed by the love of my soulmate. His desire for me, his delight in the way I move through the world, his interest in the words I utter, his declaration of my physical beauty. The kind of devotion that would deem me lovable. And once I took my place on that lovable podium, I would find it a snap to “love myself”. I moved through the world and through failed attempts at soulmate love with those shadow beliefs driving my every move.

But not too long ago, I was flipping through Insta when I saw post that stopped me cold. It said “Love yourself first. Love yourself most.”

Love yourself MOST. What a powerful shift in perspective. If I decided that there would be no one else on earth EVER who would treasure and cherish me more than ME, the unrequited “search” would be over. I would have found not only the love of my life but the love of my dreams. The kind of love that walks beside me through everything. Then I could partner with my soulmate man and just love him, no strings attached. I would bring my worthiness, my overflowing love cup, my healed self, my whole self to a commingling of equals who share the love that they have created inside of them with each other. Who don’t need, require, or demand that the other be anything but who they are. Who don’t need, require, or demand that the other make them feel lovable.

That’s what I want now. It’s a far different love dream than the one I had when I was a young woman. It’s deeper, richer and truer. And in my grasp this very instant even when the partner of my dreams is on his energetic way and not right in front of me.

True love. The truest love.

Sheri’s book and message, “The Beautiful No,” is for all of us …single, partnered, or somewhere in between.       
Reading it is like having the juiciest lunch ever with a new, wise, dear friend!

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle

Happy Money and LOVE

You may already know this…. the #1 source of conflict in marriages and the biggest cause of divorce is money.

Why?

According to my dear friend, Ken Honda, author of Happy Money: The Japanese Art of Making Peace with Your Money, it doesn’t have to be this way.

Ken is a bestselling author (over 7 million books sold around the world!) who has spent years helping the people of Japan heal their relationships with money and become more abundant and peaceful.

Why is money such a big issue in relationships?

According to Ken it’s as if you & your beloved grew up in different countries when it comes to how to handle money.

Universally there is almost always a “spender” and a “saver” with every couple and that leads to making your partner bad and wrong because they do money differently than you do.

Fortunately, he has solutions to bring happiness and harmony to the family finances.

One of the fascinating things I have learned from Ken is that some money “smiles” while other money “cries!” There really is such a thing as Happy Money.

In his book he explains how to have a Happy Money mindset, how to cultivate a loving relationship with money, and why spending money on good food, art and luxury items will make you more abundant.

If you would like to have Happy Money, click here.

Wishing you love, laughter and Happy Money!

Arielle

Is it time to Scare Yourself?

I am in the midst of a new project, something I’ve never attempted before, and I’ve been keeping a journal of the process. I promise to share all about it at that right time but for today here’s what I want you to know.

Over the weekend I read my journal and I had forgotten how absolutely terrified I was when I began it.

My first journal entry revealed that I was sick with nerves and severe anxiety as I began this project. I was filled with self-doubt and fear of failing. At one point I felt like I would pass out just thinking about the enormity of what I was committing to while having thoughts such as:

“Who am I to attempt this?”

‘”I don’t know how to do this.”

“I’m not smart enough to do this.”

“No one will ever be interested in this project.”

“I’ll end up looking like such as loser for attempting this.”

These and many other negative thoughts consumed my monkey mind, initially.

But, I didn’t let it stop me.

Now I am giddy and inspired by my project. I am so happy and excited that I tackled it, in spite of my early trepidation. I think this project could end up as my greatest achievement at some point.

What is stopping you from your next grand achievement?

In the words of the late, great Dr. Susan Jeffers, “feel the fear and do it anyway!”

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle

The Fastest Path to Loving Yourself More

Unless you are in a dark place of self-loathing (in which case please find a professional counselor to help you work through it), I know that the fastest way to love yourself more is to be in a healthy, happy, love relationship.

I have come across so many people who tell me that they are “working” on loving themselves, and once they do THEN, they will begin dating.”

I believe you can do both at the same time.

The good news is that working on yourself is a great thing and you can find strategies to be more loving and kind and accepting of yourself and you need to know that the critical voice in your head can be lessened but folks, honestly, you’re never going to eliminate it entirely.

All of us mere mortals have a voice that doubts us from time to time. And it’s normal. Even super famous celebrities do.

Oprah once said that at the end of EVERY interview she has done, whether it was Beyonce or Obama, all asked her the same, “Was that ok?”

Please stop waiting for love.

When you find your beloved, and you see how much love they have for you shining forth from their eyes, there is nothing more healing than that.

As Harville Hendrix teachers, the purpose of soulmate love is for the deepest healing of your core wounds.

And, if you need support in manifesting the love of your life, please listen to my free 90-minute webinar (with Feminine Power creator Claire Zammit) at www.soulmatepassion44.com
Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle

How to BE with NOT KNOWING

One of the first things I learned in Journalism school is the importance to provide the Who, What, When, Where, and How in every story.

As someone who always wanted to know all of those things, especially when I am trying to make BIG decisions and choices in my life, learning how to BE with NOT KNOWING changed my life.

Once I realized it was impossible to always know what to do and how to be, I figured out a few things that made my life easier.=-

#1 Eventually, I would find an answer and until then I can “trust” that this will happen and I can be less stressed in the in-between time.

#2 Just because what I “want” isn’t happening, doesn’t mean something great isn’t on the way, and most of the time something bigger and better occurs.

#3 Life experience has shown me that some of the worst things I’ve ever experienced turned out to be the best because they got me to places I couldn’t even imagine existed.

Life is a mystery and there are factors influencing us that we can’t really ‘know,” such as karma and divine timing.

I’ve learned to stay both in action with my desires and to also simultaneously stay surrendered and detached from the outcome. It requires staying aware and present and most days it keeps me sane.
Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle

P.S. Last Chance: If manifesting a soulmate is your priority, then I invite you to my last weekend workshop of the year at the breathtakingly beautiful Esalen, May 8-10.

Details here.

How Many ”I Love You’s” Is Too Much?

Can your soulmate ever say “I Love You” too often?

I doubt it.

Of course, you first need a warm, loving, awesome soulmate to find out.

For those of you fortunate ones who are living life with your soulmate, challenge yourself to UP your love sharing.

Use every opportunity to tell them how much love and appreciate them, (and chances are once you start the process, they will follow along and share more love with you).

Get creative.

Tuck a little “I Love You” post-it note into their purse or pocket.


Or put it behind the sun visor in their car, under their pillow, on the bathroom mirror, so that it’s the first thing they see in the morning or send a middle of the day text or email.

I don’t have any scientific studies on this but I’ll bet saying” I Love You” more often is also great for your lovers health…boosting their immune system and creating more feel-good hormones in their body.

If you come up with some fun and creative ways to say “I Love You,” please let me know and I will share them here in a future newsletter.

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle

P.S. If manifesting a soulmate is your priority, then I invite you to my last weekend workshop of the year at the breathtakingly beautiful Esalen the weekend of May 8-10. Details for both here: https://www.arielleford.com/events/

How to Have MORE, better SEX (at any age)

On my most recent episode of BIG LOVE PODCAST, my special guest is sexpert, Susan Bratton.

Known as the trusted hot sex advisor to millions,™  Susan is a walking, talking brain trust on everything from how to more, better sex at any age to how & why money impacts your sex life.

We had a blasting talking about:

Communication skills for discussing sex with your mate, even when you’ve been together for decades.

How to train your partner to be a great lover without insulting them.

Why men should never use antibacterial mouthwash (it causes erectile dysfunction!)

The newest and best sex toys for couples (some of these sound like so much fun!)

The Platinum Rule every couple should follow.

Why she adamantly opposes pornography.

The cutting edge lasers for vaginal and penis rejuvenation and so much more!

Susan is offering a terrific free gift to you called The Sexual Soulmate Pact at www.susanbratton.com/arielle.

And you can listen to us here

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

 Arielle

P.S. If manifesting a soulmate is your priority, then I invite you for the only two LIVE in person events I am doing this year.

I will be in Chicago at the Infinity Foundation for a one-day workshop on

Saturday, April 27th  and I will be teaching at the breathtakingly beautiful

Esalen the weekend of May 8-10. Details for both here: https://www.arielleford.com/events/

 

Be A LOVE Plusser (here’s how!)

I recently attended a creativity workshop taught by famed artist and animator, Dave Zoboski (link to www.TheAlchemyofCreativity.com ). He spent decades working as a Senior Animator at Disney, Sony and Warner Brothers.

We all were given colored pencils and a sketchpad while Dave’s model posed for us.  Most of us didn’t have any real artistic ability in this field, but we were encouraged to have fun and go for it.

After several minutes of sketching, he told us to stop and to put our pad on our chair and to move three seats to our left and then pick up the pad on that chair and begin sketching on someone else drawing.   The assignment was to see how we could improve upon what they had already begun.

Dave explained that in the animation field, the culture is such that you never criticize another artists’ work, but rather you become a “plusser” for them …someone who adds to and improves the work they have done so far.

I fell in love with this idea and began thinking about how wonderful it would be if we all declared ourselves “plussers” in love, and gave up being “judgy” thus committing ourselves to contributing to those around us in ways that are positive,  uplifting, and kind.

For whom will you be a love plusser?

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

 

Arielle

P.S. If manifesting a soulmate is your priority, then I invite you for the only two LIVE in person events I am doing this year.

I will be in Chicago at the Infinity Foundation for a one-day workshop on

Saturday, April 27th  and I will be teaching at the breathtakingly beautiful

Esalen the weekend of May 8-10. Details for both here: https://www.arielleford.com/events/

The Difference Between Manifestation and Magical Thinking

Magical Thinking is something children do naturally and it’s a fun process for them. Believing in Santa Claus is a good example. But when we grow up and mature, engaging in magical thinking will often lead to frustration and disappointment.

Magical Thinking is “wishing” to win the lottery but never buying a ticket.

Magical Thinking is “wishing” for a better job or a new career but never taking real action steps to make it happen.

Our great-niece, Grace.

Magical Thinking is saying you want to write a book but never sitting down to write.

Magical Thinking is hoping you will meet and marry your soulmate “organically,” or wishing and dreaming that one-click Amazon will deliver him or her to your doorstep.

Is it time for you to give up your Magical Thinking and put one of your dreams into action?

If you said yes, here’s a fast 3-step approach to get started.

#1 Make a commitment, for the next week to take 5 baby steps each day towards making your dream come true.

#2 Enroll a friend to be your accountability partner and make a plan to connect daily for that week so they can hold you to your word to do the 5 daily things.

#3 Take time each day to sit in nature and feel what it feels like to have accomplished manifesting your dream.

And, if manifesting a soulmate is your priority, then I invite you for the only two LIVE in person events I am doing this year.

I will be in Chicago at the Infinity Foundation for a one-day workshop on

Saturday, April 27th  and I will be teaching at the breathtakingly beautiful

Esalen the weekend of  May 8-10. Details for both here: https://www.arielleford.com/events/

 

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

 

Arielle