When Is It OK to Lie?

I’ve been thinking about honesty and lying lately… a lot!

It began several weeks ago while I was listening to Dr. Laura on the radio.

A male caller was sharing that he had recently had a one night stand while on a business trip and he was feeling a huge amount of regret and remorse and was asking Dr. Laura if he should confess to his wife of 10 years with whom he had 3 young children.

He said he loved his wife and his kids and he would never cheat again.

Dr. Laura’s advice took me by surprise.

She told the caller that it would be “selfish” of him to confess to his wife and turn their lives upside down.

And, that since he had committed to never doing it again, he should keep quiet and suffer in silence.

Clearly, this is a lie by omission.

And, it’s also a lie that might keep a mostly happy family intact.

This got me thinking about all the different kinds of lies that exist, from
half-truths to little white lies, to the newest version now known as “alternative facts.”

There is a part of me that agrees with Dr. Laura, and another part that wonders if that is really the best way to go.

Years ago I had a client, Brad Blanton, who wrote a book called Radical Honesty.

It’s exactly what it sounds like and he said that the ONLY lie he would ever condone is if the Nazi’s were banging on your door and you had Jews hidden in your attic, then lying would be the right thing to do.

Many of us consider ourselves basically honest people who tell little lies all the time.

These are lies we are ok with: We lie to not hurt someone’s feelings, or we lie to get out of making plans we don’t want to do (you know, “wow, thanks for the invite but I’ll be in Timbuktu that day…”).

I don’t have any real conclusions here, except to say this is what has been on my mind and if I had a working magic wand, I would wave it at the world and ask for a return to basic values such as honesty, integrity, civility and a whole lot more compassion for ourselves, and fellow humans.

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle

Don’t Blame the Victim

A big part of having success with the Law of Attraction is understanding that “thoughts are things” and that our feelings, thoughts, and beliefs help to co-create our reality. Other factors that also influence our lives include karma, divine timing, destiny, free will, and that omnipresent reality of “shit happens.”

When something really bad happens to someone – let’s say a serious diagnosis, losing a job, a big car crash, and then a supposedly well-meaning “spiritual friend” asks them, ” What thoughts were you having that would cause this?”…well, this scenario just makes me crazy.

We would never ask an abused toddler, “Hey kid, what thoughts did you have that created these beatings?”

So, unless someone is sitting around thinking, “Wow, wouldn’t it be cool if I manage to get stage 4 colon cancer so I can scare myself and my family and go on a multi-year journey to fight the cancer and maybe live?”

It’s highly unlikely any of us have consciously had that thought or any thought to choose a bad event. So, while it is true that we cause things with our thoughts, fears, and beliefs, it is also true that there are other factors that are at work here.

We all benefit from being more aware and more mindful of our thoughts and as much as possible, try to keep our thoughts positive, but it’s also not useful to “blame the victim,” and kick them when they’re down by suggesting they caused the problem.

We are not privy to their soul’s purpose and path. We don’t know what trials and tribulations they agreed to before incarnating in this lifetime, so let’s do what we signed up for: to be their friend, cheerleader, support system, safe place to land. Let’s hug them with our arms and provide emotional safety for them.

I often tell my closest friends that I am always there for them when they need a place to rant and rave and vent. I can create a safe place for their expression and then bring them back into a loving frequency (and they do the same for me).

Here’s to a kinder, gentler world of loving support for all.

Wishing you love, laughter & magical kisses,

Arielle

See Something, Say Something!

People are suffering.

All around us, there are loved ones, friends, co-workers, neighbors who are suffering in silence.

They don’t know how, can’t, or won’t ask for help.

If you ask them how they are, they will smile and tell you they are “fine,” or “great,” or “getting by.”

And, in your gut, you know something is off.

We have been trained to look out for unattended or suspicious packages or luggage and when we do, we know to “say something.”

I think we need to extend this to people.

It could be a life-saving gesture to simply respond to the statement, “I’m great,”

It could be a life-saving gesture to simply respond to the statement, “I’m great,” with a little love and compassion in your voice saying:

“Well, if things aren’t totally great or you need something, or if you want someone to talk to, please know I am here for you. I love you, I care about you and I’m your friend.”

And, if you know for sure they need help, take it to the next level and tell them what you see and make a stronger offer.

You don’t have to be an expert on their problem, but you can be an advocate for their well-being.

The world is experiencing massive stress right now, individually and collectively.

We need to be more “inter-dependent” and lean on each other for support.

Remember, if you see something, say something.  It could save a life.

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle

P.S. For those of you with a deep desire to manifest a soulmate…I want to remind you that your soulmate is ALSO seeking you! Come spend the weekend with me for my workshop at the beautiful spiritual retreat center, Omega Institute, in Rhinebeck New York August 25-27.  All the details are here!