There’s an old saying that before you meet your prince, you might kiss a lot of frogs. And most of us have.
We might chuckle at that, but the truth is that the “wrong” relationships are not just wrong – they’re painful. Have you ever thought about how many tears you’ve cried over love affairs and marriages that didn’t work?
The pain of heartbreak is some of the deepest pain we experience in life, and that’s why I’m excited that my friend Marianne Williamson has written a book specifically dedicated to that: how to endure our suffering when times are tough, and most importantly how to get ourselves back up again and be even more prepared for life and love than we were before.
Here is an example of Marianne’s wisdom from her new book, Tears to Triumph: The Spiritual Journey from Suffering to Enlightenment:
“The universe itself is intentional, guiding all things to the actualization of their highest potential. This includes not only individuals, but also relationships. Love is always seeking us. The problem is how often we hide from it, scurrying away from the light of love into the darkness of our fearful selves. It wasn’t that love didn’t show up for us; it’s that we didn’t show up for love.
A Course in Miracles says that our job is not to seek love, but to seek all the barriers we hold against its coming. Those barriers, those walls in front of our hearts, are the places where we turn our backs on love. We do various things to keep love at bay, from behavior ranging from needy to controlling, dishonest to manipulative, avoidant to addictive, too hot to too cold, self-centered to smothering. These character defects are not where we’re bad, but where we’re wounded. Still, no matter what childhood experience might have caused those defects to begin with, they’re our responsibility now. When we are displaying our rough edges, other people don’t think, ‘Oh poor dear, you’re wounded.’ They’re more apt to think, ‘Oh Lord, get me out of here.’ Which totally makes sense.
So, time and time again, we find ourselves blowing it at relationships – with friends, with colleagues, with family, with partners. And once again, the only real problem is our separation from God. The key to fostering soulful relationships with others is fostering our primary relationship with God, for there, we are healed of the pieces of false self with which we so often sabotage our relationships. In my relationship with God lies my relationship with my true self, and only when I’m aligned with the truth of who I am can I align with the truth in you.”
Once again, Marianne has hit the nail on the head. She points to the darkness so we can expose it to the light, and in so doing, illuminating the path to love. I highly recommend her book for its extraordinary depth of compassion for the tears we’ve suffered, and its practical wisdom for how to dry them. Even more importantly, says Marianne, we can do even more than dry our tears – we can learn from them, and become even better at love than we were before.
Whether you are single, in a relationship, or somewhere in between coupled, Marianne reveals that true healing and transcendence can only come when we finally face our pain and wrestle with what it has to teach us. She offers us a powerful way forward through the pain, to a deeper awareness of our feelings, our lives, and our true selves.
Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,