I was talking with my good friend, Evan Marc Katz, the other day. You have heard me sing his praises many times – he’s a dating coach for smart, strong, successful women – and one of the better writers in the personal growth space. Part of the reason I continue to read his work is because he is a real, hands-on coach – he has been listening to women on the phone for three hours a day for over a decade, and he has incredible insight into what makes men tick and relationships succeed.
Well, during the course of conversation, Evan and I happened upon one of the primary reasons it’s hard to get back out there after getting hurt: the tremendous loss of confidence you suffer during a break-up. Not just confidence in your ability to choose a partner and navigate a relationship, but a loss of confidence in yourself.
When we were talking, Evan gave me an analogy that really stuck with me, that came straight from Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People”
Imagine a car salesman. He’s trying to get you to buy something from him, but the way he’s doing it is having the opposite effect:
“Um, so, I know you’re probably really busy today, but maybe, I don’t know, you might want to consider buying a Toyota Camry. Sure, it’s a little bit more expensive than other cars, and yeah, the economy is down, and yeah, you can probably get something just as good that is pre-owned. But maybe you want to test drive a Camry anyway?
No? You don’t? I kind of figured you’d say that. After all, there are tons of cars that are nicer looking, get better mileage, and have better resale value.
Wait – don’t go! I mean, you can go if you think there are any other cars you’d like better, but maybe you’d still like to buy a car from me today? I mean, I don’t take it personally if you leave – okay, that’s not true. I will take it personally if you leave, because I’m really quite desperate to sell a car this month and I haven’t had anyone buy from me in a really long time, and—“
Of course, this is a caricature of the worst car salesman ever, but the point should be clear:
Why would you buy a car from a guy who doesn’t believe in his own product?
That’s right. You wouldn’t.
The question for you – and it’s a challenging one – is this:
Do you believe in your own product?
Do you think that a man would be a fool to go out with anyone else?
Do you believe that the best men would want to commit to you?
Or do you inadvertently come across a bit like the insecure car salesman?
He’s not suggesting that you’re currently blurting out all of your own flaws or openly encouraging your dates to pursue other women.
He is suggesting that your actions may indicate the same thing.
Every second you spend with a man who mistreats you, every week you spend with a man who fails to make you feel safe, heard and understood, you are demonstrating your lack of confidence.
Without speaking a word, you’re telling him you will stay in your dissatisfying relationship and that you don’t need to be treated better.
If you had confidence that you deserved more, you’d already be out the door.
So, why would a man commit to a relationship with someone who doesn’t believe in her own product? A woman who can barely summon any confidence in herself?
That’s right. He wouldn’t.
Everyone suffers a loss of confidence after a break-up. And yet, there’s something unique about love that always makes you come back for more.
The warm feeling you get when you wake up next to him on Sunday morning.
The belly laughs you share over your inside jokes.
The strength he demonstrates in making you feel better after a bad day.
The generosity he displays with each flower, dinner, and movie ticket he buys.
But the best part of being in love – in my opinion – is the least heralded one.
What people often forget about love is how wonderfully SAFE a great relationship is.
If you’ve never experienced that safety, I’m telling you, there’s nothing quite like it.
Brian and I hope to be one of those “’til death do us part” couples. We both feel that there is nothing in the world that could break us up. Because of that, disagreements are rare. Arguments are resolved instantly. Any friction is a mere blip on the radar. All because we hold our marriage sacred and view it greater than our individual needs.
I’m attracted to Brian’s inner confidence – which has nothing to do with how much money he makes, and he’s attracted to my inner confidence – my belief in my ability to create, to persevere, to grow. The safety of our relationship allows that confidence to shine and never be shaken. And, boy, does it feel great.
Think about how you would feel to have that kind of relationship.
How relaxed. How confident. How secure.
Now if you’ve never experienced this before, I’ll admit it can sound far-fetched.
If all you know from relationships is heartbreak, confusion and frustration, talking about a man who makes you feel safe probably sounds like talking about the probability of Martians landing on Earth.
I promise you. It’s not.
Martians – I mean, men who make you feel safe – are REAL.
So where are they? And how do you find them?
This is the $64,000 question. And this is the reason Evan Marc Katz wrote his book, “Believe in Love – 7 Steps to Letting Go of the Past, Embracing the Present, and Dating with Confidence.”
In it, he walks you through 7 easy, chronological steps that he has used for over a decade to help women like you overcome your fears and frustrations in love.
- Let Go of the Past
- Set Realistic Expectations
- Overcome Negativity
- Defeat Your Fear of Failure
- Reframe Your False Beliefs
- Carry Yourself With Confidence
- Take Action Now
It is no exaggeration to say that “Believe in Love” is the most important book I can share with you because it’s essential to your happiness and long-term well-being.
There is no falling in love if you don’t believe in love itself.
You’ve seen men come and go.
You’ve doubted your own worthiness.
You’ve watched others get happily married.
You’ve questioned your judgment more times than you can count.
You’ve gone to therapy, talked to friends, and listened to dating gurus.
You’ve taken breaks, gotten back out there, and quit once again.
“Believe in Love” is the antidote to all of that – a program, with 17 powerful exercises that will change your tune, boost your confidence, and give you the will to create the safe relationship of your dreams.
Let me know how quickly it gets your confidence back. Oh, and Evan is being nice enough to offer it to you for$50 off of the normal retail price. All you have to do is enter the coupon code “BELIEVE” at checkout.
It’s time to believe in your own product again. Once you believe, the men you are attracted to will believe as well.
Wishing you love, laughter & magical kisses,